My father is driving me over the edge

he's just never been a support system and has made some demands and I won't give in.

He's not contributing emotionally or financially and I feel he doesn't deserve the right to ask for exceptions to be made on his behalf.

He's LUCKY I'm letting him walk me down the aisle to save face in front of his family. Well that's my biggest regret.

He's being very iffy on his participation in certain parts of this wedding since his wife can't get her way. All I can do now is uninvite him - how do you do that to your dad? oh and
giving in isn't an option....as some of you may remember my previous posts its about inviting her wild child!!!

I'm almost to the point I'm NOT looking forward to my wedding day b/c he's making me so sad.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

oh honey--- its almost over....

Just keep thinking about the reason you are marrying your FH and the HM after!!!! You're strong, you'll make it through...

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

don't let anyone ruin your day... this will be one of the most special days of your life and you cannot go into it being upset...

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

Just so you know I did uninvite my dad. Basically he never got an invitiation because he kept acting out and I just wan't going to have it.

I told him since he was so shady on his participation and showing up for the wedding he was only going to be a guest, nothing else. Well he hung up on me in April 2004 and haven't heard from him since.

I didn't bother sending him and invite since he couldn't act like a dad.

I really feel for you because your heart gets torn into a million pieces in these situations but on my wedding day I didn't think about my dad once! It was the happiest day of my life and only people who support me and my husband were there.

I guess it does help that none of my dad's side of the family was at my wedding so there was no saving face to be done. But it's not your job to make your dad look good, its your day to shine and marry the man you love and want to spend your life with.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

I kind of have the same situation with my dad. I feel that if I didn't invite him, my relationship with his family would be forever strained, and I don't want that. Yes, it is my wedding day, but it also represents the coming together of 2 families...Good luck with your decision, but I know I would regret it if I cut my dad out entirely...

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

it's really difficult, but don't let it ruin your day. you're marrying the man you love and NO ONE can ever take that away from you. it's YOUR day. no matter what you decide, your day will be ebautiful if you focus on you and FH and your increidble love.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

I really feel for you
Just tell him that either he comes with a happy face on or dont come at all...who will walk you down the aisle if he doesnt??
The Day isnt about him and his wife and wild child
its about You and Your FH so dont feel bad about it

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

I have mixed feelings on things like this. In the first place, you are lucky to have a dad who is there, period. I am, unfortunately, not having any of my parents at our wedding.

On the second hand, he is being a butt-head and you don't need that in your life right now. So I understand where you are coming from.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

I am very sorry. DH has a very tumultuous relationship with his father (which has since ended) and I think he still regrets having him attend the wedding in some ways.

I think you should do what's best for you.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

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Posted by CubanBride

I have mixed feelings on things like this. In the first place, you are lucky to have a dad who is there, period. I am, unfortunately, not having any of my parents at our wedding.

On the second hand, he is being a butt-head and you don't need that in your life right now. So I understand where you are coming from.

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I understand -

My FH lost his father when he was 13 and is disgusted with my father. It hurts him to see how I am treated - he said he rather have the few loving years he had with his dad, then lifetime of what I have with mine!

Its very hard to fight for someone's love (who is living and able) and be rejected constantly.

I guess I just put all my hopes in this one day - that I would finally get his attention, love and affection, but I realize now he isn't capable.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

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Posted by Oct04Bride

Its very hard to fight for someone's love (who is living and able) and be rejected constantly.

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OMG! Were you at my therapy session last night? My psych dr. said that same thing to me about my mother. She isn't coming to our wedding because she is the devil. LOL! I think I know exactly what you are feeling.

I think they key is to stop expecting a bad parent to give you what you need. They never will. Once you accept that, then, you won't be so disappointed all the time. Gosh. I have been there girl, I have been there.

In the end you need to do what is going to make you, even if its not happy, at least comfortable. Walk down the aisle alone if you want. That's what I am doing. Do not feel as if you must please your father. He is not thinking about you and your needs so you do not need to consider his. Especially now.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

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Posted by Oct04Bride

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Posted by CubanBride

I have mixed feelings on things like this. In the first place, you are lucky to have a dad who is there, period. I am, unfortunately, not having any of my parents at our wedding.

On the second hand, he is being a butt-head and you don't need that in your life right now. So I understand where you are coming from.

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I understand -

My FH lost his father when he was 13 and is disgusted with my father. It hurts him to see how I am treated - he said he rather have the few loving years he had with his dad, then lifetime of what I have with mine!


Its very hard to fight for someone's love (who is living and able) and be rejected constantly.

I guess I just put all my hopes in this one day - that I would finally get his attention, love and affection, but I realize now he isn't capable.

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I will walk you down the aisle.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

Dont let him ruin it for you. It's the greatest day in your life and it only happens once! Deceide what's important your dad walking you down the isle or not(depending on your relationship)? Will you look back on the day and regret it if he doesn't? Will her rotten kid really ruin your wedding? Is it really worth not giving in? What ever you choose to do just remember it's YOUR special day no one elses! No one will be affected by your choices more than you! Good Luck and Best Wishes. I hope it works out for you.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

Have u tried talking to him? You can tell him that he's your dad, and will allow him to walk you down the aisle, but that's it. Let him know that you will NOT give in to any of his other requests, and let him know that you mean business. That way, if HE doesn't like it, then HE'LL make the decision not to come.... and it wasn't on you anymore. You've done your part.

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

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Posted by CubanBride

I think they key is to stop expecting a bad parent to give you what you need. They never will. Once you accept that, then, you won't be so disappointed all the time. Gosh. I have been there girl, I have been there.

In the end you need to do what is going to make you, even if its not happy, at least comfortable. Walk down the aisle alone if you want. That's what I am doing. Do not feel as if you must please your father. He is not thinking about you and your needs so you do not need to consider his. Especially now.

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OMG is this my brother LOL...he said the same thing!!!! We should go have some drinks together!!!

And to answer Chilchila - yes we talked until I turned blue in the face. I told him yesterday he had a choice he can walk me down the aisle or he can bring his 'new' daughter and be a guest but he can't have both.

He called me this mornign to say 'I'm coming alone!' and hung up on me. Well it will be a pleasant walk down the aisle!!! At least its a short aisle!!!

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

you girls have my crying literally this morning. i am so sorry that you have to go through this. I cant begin to imagine what it is like to have to be dealing with this. (i am extremely lucky to have a really wonderful mom and dad)



i hope everything works itself out for you. I hope you have a fabulous wedding day!

best wishes !

jenn

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

Thanks everyone!!! I feel much better today!!

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

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Posted by Oct04Bride
OMG is this my brother LOL...he said the same thing!!!! We should go have some drinks together!!!

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I'll invite you to my bachelorette/birthday party. We can drink, bowl, and act stupid. LOL!

Re: My father is driving me over the edge

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Posted by CubanBride

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Posted by Oct04Bride
OMG is this my brother LOL...he said the same thing!!!! We should go have some drinks together!!!

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I'll invite you to my bachelorette/birthday party. We can drink, bowl, and act stupid. LOL!

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Sounds like a blast!!!