My fear! am i the only one?

Ok this came up yesterday, and I was wondering if i am weird for it. Dh knows this fear very well but still thinks im crazy for it haha.

Ok you know how ppl have a fear of flying, i have no problem with this but i have a horrible fear of being in a car with someone else driving. I think some ppl dont realize how bad it is for me, and just think I dont like getting in the car with others. But its so bad that if i have to get in the car with someone and i know this in advance, i am horribly nervous all day, i get sick to my stomach and just very scared. This is such a problem that I RARELY get in the car with someone else driving and i usually do the driving. I find excuses not to and to drive myself. Everyone thinks how nice i am because i always offer to drive everywhere lol and not that i am not nice but this is the reason why I do. It always worked out since i can go out and not drink so i always offered to be the designated driver. Even with my dad, i cant stand to get in the car with him. For years whenever i had to get in a car with my dad i would always ask to drive instead of him. There are some ppl i refuse to get in a car with them and wont do it no matter what. Theres actually very few ppl i do get in the car with. And even then i am nervous many times. my heart will beat so fast the whole time, i get so sick to my stomach theres been times i thought i was gonna puke, and i am scared for my life the whole time. I do trust DH luckily but i think it has to do with the fact that with DH i can yell at him and say 'calm down' watch the sign, stop pulling stupid moves, cant do that with everyone. I think theres only a handful of ppl i trust if that.

Its so bad that i work things out so i always drive, or find ways not to get into someone elses car. We went to dinner for a friends bday yesterday and dh's friend said he'll drive, all day i was so nervous, then luckily Dh had to stop by his parents house first so he said we'll drive and meet them there.

am i the only one? i really think i am.

Hmmm. I don't like other people that I'm not used to driving me, but it's not as serious for me as it sounds for you.
I don't want to make you nervous, but if you really react physically and emotionally to it the way you describe, you might want to consider speaking to someone about it. Not to sound like a psychiatrist (but I do have a degree in Psych), but it sounds to me that this is an anxiety problem that might require professional help especially if it's interfering with your every day life.

09er crashing
This is an interesting fear. When you were younger did you have a bad experience as a passenger in a car? Have you always been afraid of driving with other people? What about in adolescence when you didn't drive - were you scared of taking the bus or a train? Or did the fear only go as far as being a passenger in someone's vehicle? I have an interest in phobias (I don't know why) but that's why I ask so many questions. Have you ever spoken to a professional about this? It seems your anxiety is something that can be eased by talking about it and laying out the real dangers of being a passenger in a car versus what you're really afraid of. Do you ever get scared of driving personally?

ETA: PS: I just searched google and it appears that there are others with this very fear. I wonder if there are any online support groups or anything. I'm going to keep looking. I did find some pages on how hypnosis might help people with this fear.

---

Posted by NC1011

Hmmm. I don't like other people that I'm not used to driving me, but it's not as serious for me as it sounds for you.
I don't want to make you nervous, but if you really react physically and emotionally to it the way you describe, you might want to consider speaking to someone about it. Not to sound like a psychiatrist (but I do have a degree in Psych), but it sounds to me that this is an anxiety problem that might require professional help especially if it's interfering with your every day life.

---

no your comment didnt make me nervous. Hmmmm but maybe i should, its so weird. The funny part is that i dont suffer from anxiety with anything else. Like i said, i dont fear flying, i actually love heights. Even in life whenever something goes wrong i never get anxiety over it. I guess this is why its so weird for me bc since i dont suffer from anxiety with anything else in life, its a weird feeling for me when i am put in the situation. With everything else i am very laid back and dont freak out about, so why only this ya know. I would love to get over this and not act like this all the time.

Luckily it doesnt interfere with everyday life but thats bc i always drive or when dh and i go somewhere one of us always drive bc we like having our own car and not having to depend on others in case we want to leave early or if they want to leave early and we dont, and we offer rides to others. But then once in a while a situation comes up when someone else is driving and thats when this happens. Luckily it doesnt happen often haha.

you are not the only one- i am the driver here!! i hate being a passanger in ANY car!!! my fh does not really drive much mostly to the train station and home again (he hates to drive) so i do 99% on weekend when we go anywhere-but as far as my mom or anyone else i make sure i can drive there or i tell them i will meet them- my fmil i will not even get in the car with her behind the wheel!!!

---

Posted by SparkyandAng

I don't have this issue, but my FH does. It's only been since he's been with me that he lets me drive...if he's with anyone else, he almost always drives b/c he isn't comfortable with others.

---

oh wow i guess there are others. And interesting that its a guy bc i would expect them to be more comfortable for some weird reason, which doesnt even make sense as i am typing it hahahaha.

---

Posted by Future Pepper

09er crashing
This is an interesting fear. When you were younger did you have a bad experience as a passenger in a car? Have you always been afraid of driving with other people? What about in adolescence when you didn't drive - were you scared of taking the bus or a train? Or did the fear only go as far as being a passenger in someone's vehicle? I have an interest in phobias (I don't know why) but that's why I ask so many questions. Have you ever spoken to a professional about this? It seems your anxiety is something that can be eased by talking about it and laying out the real dangers of being a passenger in a car versus what you're really afraid of. Do you ever get scared of driving personally?

---

i was in one car accident when i was about 17 years old, i didnt get hurt, nobody else did infact. But my fear did kinda start after that from what i remember. Which i wonder why since i didnt even have a scratch on me. BUT somebody drove MY car for 1 block and crashed it but before this i didnt have problems, i used to get in the car with crazy drivers but i also dont know if its just bc when you are younger you have less fear and dont think about things like this as much, or maybe it does all have to do with that one event.

never been afraid of taking a train, bus i rarely took but wasnt afraid. I am afraid in cabs but then again they drive like maniacs.

when i drive, i have no fear at all and the funny thing is that I LOOOVE driving. The thing is that when i drive i am in control but when someone else is driving i think, ok do they see the person whose about to cut them off. Or somebody is breaking and why are you still accelerating, are you going to break soon? i think these things.

---

Posted by Songstress

Have you ever been in a bad accident. I like to drive too and I get a little nervous as the passenger and someone told me it has to do with control. You dont feel secure if youre not in control. I feel like its true for me.

---

i always tell DH this. He gets annoyed when i tell him things all the time, and i try to say that i dont know how aware he is of everything around him, i dont know how in control he is, when i drive i know lol.

I have severe anxiety about DRIVING but not about being DRIVEN. However, my brother's wife's sister ( got that ) has the same fear as you. She has driven hours to Ohio herself bc she won't let anyone else drive her. She tries, but she just cant do it. Actually, we joke around about how we should be best friends bc I would ALWAYS let her drive. LOL

I think you are definitely right about why you are not afraid of driving with DH. Even when my social anxiety was at its worst I could still go places with DH bc I knew I could just tell him I had to leave and I wouldnt feel bad making him leave LOL i guess thats mean. hehe

But anyway, maybe you can try short trips with people and make sure they know your fear so if you need to pull over and switch they wont fight you on it

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by NC1011

Hmmm. I don't like other people that I'm not used to driving me, but it's not as serious for me as it sounds for you.
I don't want to make you nervous, but if you really react physically and emotionally to it the way you describe, you might want to consider speaking to someone about it. Not to sound like a psychiatrist (but I do have a degree in Psych), but it sounds to me that this is an anxiety problem that might require professional help especially if it's interfering with your every day life.

---

no your comment didnt make me nervous. Hmmmm but maybe i should, its so weird. The funny part is that i dont suffer from anxiety with anything else. Like i said, i dont fear flying, i actually love heights. Even in life whenever something goes wrong i never get anxiety over it. I guess this is why its so weird for me bc since i dont suffer from anxiety with anything else in life, its a weird feeling for me when i am put in the situation. With everything else i am very laid back and dont freak out about, so why only this ya know. I would love to get over this and not act like this all the time.

Luckily it doesnt interfere with everyday life but thats bc i always drive or when dh and i go somewhere one of us always drive bc we like having our own car and not having to depend on others in case we want to leave early or if they want to leave early and we dont, and we offer rides to others. But then once in a while a situation comes up when someone else is driving and thats when this happens. Luckily it doesnt happen often haha.

---

I'm petrified of heights to a pretty extreme degree. I had an incident when I was four and it stuck with me until now. I used to get very anxious (racing heart, cold sweat, panicky) whenever someone would drive me over a bridge. I to this day have never driven over a bridge by myself. Someone once told me that when I was a passenger in her car and I was sleeping on a road trip, that I was clenching the door handle so hard my arm was shaking when she drove over the bridge, IN MY SLEEP. I've gotten a little better with this, but anyone who knows me knows that they have to stay in the middle lane on a bridge with me in the car. I don't stand near railings on balconies either. It's so bad that you could actually blind fold me and put me near a ledge and I'll still know that I'm up high. Point I'm trying to make is that while it's not the same type of fear that you have, I understand that feeling where your body takes on this whole wierd reaction that you have no control over. Sometimes FH gets a little frusturated with me and is like 'Oh come on already' when we go to a hotel and have a nice balcony and I start getting shaky. But it's not something I can control.

---

Posted by deb08

you are not the only one- i am the driver here!! i hate being a passanger in ANY car!!! my fh does not really drive much mostly to the train station and home again (he hates to drive) so i do 99% on weekend when we go anywhere-but as far as my mom or anyone else i make sure i can drive there or i tell them i will meet them- my fmil i will not even get in the car with her behind the wheel!!!

---

you are just like me. Ill meet ppl somewhere if i have to, or ill offer. I am the driver and i drive most of the time. And like you said, there are some ppl that i will not get in the car with them under any circumstances.

---

Posted by Espo22

i was in one car accident when i was about 17 years old, i didnt get hurt, nobody else did infact. But my fear did kinda start after that from what i remember. Which i wonder why since i didnt even have a scratch on me. BUT somebody drove MY car for 1 block and crashed it but before this i didnt have problems, i used to get in the car with crazy drivers but i also dont know if its just bc when you are younger you have less fear and dont think about things like this as much, or maybe it does all have to do with that one event.

never been afraid of taking a train, bus i rarely took but wasnt afraid. I am afraid in cabs but then again they drive like maniacs.

when i drive, i have no fear at all and the funny thing is that I LOOOVE driving. The thing is that when i drive i am in control but when someone else is driving i think, ok do they see the person whose about to cut them off. Or somebody is breaking and why are you still accelerating, are you going to break soon? i think these things.

---

It is strange the way phobias develop. I think they start out as a bit of anxiety and become an unexplainable irrational fear (I have one of my own relating to food). I'm glad that you're not often put in the position of being a passenger because it sounds like if you had to be a passenger more often this fear would really affect your day to day life. I imagine there are more people than we think with this fear and I wonder how people have gotten over it.

---

Posted by ant n tilde

I have severe anxiety about DRIVING but not about being DRIVEN. However, my brother's wife's sister ( got that ) has the same fear as you. She has driven hours to Ohio herself bc she won't let anyone else drive her. She tries, but she just cant do it. Actually, we joke around about how we should be best friends bc I would ALWAYS let her drive. LOL

I think you are definitely right about why you are not afraid of driving with DH. Even when my social anxiety was at its worst I could still go places with DH bc I knew I could just tell him I had to leave and I wouldnt feel bad making him leave LOL i guess thats mean. hehe

But anyway, maybe you can try short trips with people and make sure they know your fear so if you need to pull over and switch they wont fight you on it

---

i remember you speaking about your fear, you dont like getting on highways right?

EXACTLY!!!! i feel bad sometimes when i yell, i try to say it nicely now. But no matter what i cant stop. When he drives it annoys him when i air brake i dont even realize i do it but he always yells 'STOP DOING THAT' or many times when he pulls a move i hold on to something and now he is so used to me he will turn to me right away and say 'its ok i got this you can let go' so i also feel better bc he always turns to me and says 'i have control of this i am fine'

i have done short trips but again it was always with someone i trusted. For example, helen has driven to the hamptons and i trust her, she is a good driver. But im guessing you mean someone i normally wouldnt get in the car with. Hmmm i might have to think about that, scares me to even think about it

---

Posted by NC1011

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by NC1011

Hmmm. I don't like other people that I'm not used to driving me, but it's not as serious for me as it sounds for you.
I don't want to make you nervous, but if you really react physically and emotionally to it the way you describe, you might want to consider speaking to someone about it. Not to sound like a psychiatrist (but I do have a degree in Psych), but it sounds to me that this is an anxiety problem that might require professional help especially if it's interfering with your every day life.

---

no your comment didnt make me nervous. Hmmmm but maybe i should, its so weird. The funny part is that i dont suffer from anxiety with anything else. Like i said, i dont fear flying, i actually love heights. Even in life whenever something goes wrong i never get anxiety over it. I guess this is why its so weird for me bc since i dont suffer from anxiety with anything else in life, its a weird feeling for me when i am put in the situation. With everything else i am very laid back and dont freak out about, so why only this ya know. I would love to get over this and not act like this all the time.

Luckily it doesnt interfere with everyday life but thats bc i always drive or when dh and i go somewhere one of us always drive bc we like having our own car and not having to depend on others in case we want to leave early or if they want to leave early and we dont, and we offer rides to others. But then once in a while a situation comes up when someone else is driving and thats when this happens. Luckily it doesnt happen often haha.

---

I'm petrified of heights to a pretty extreme degree. I had an incident when I was four and it stuck with me until now. I used to get very anxious (racing heart, cold sweat, panicky) whenever someone would drive me over a bridge. I to this day have never driven over a bridge by myself. Someone once told me that when I was a passenger in her car and I was sleeping on a road trip, that I was clenching the door handle so hard my arm was shaking when she drove over the bridge, IN MY SLEEP. I've gotten a little better with this, but anyone who knows me knows that they have to stay in the middle lane on a bridge with me in the car. I don't stand near railings on balconies either. It's so bad that you could actually blind fold me and put me near a ledge and I'll still know that I'm up high. Point I'm trying to make is that while it's not the same type of fear that you have, I understand that feeling where your body takes on this whole wierd reaction that you have no control over. Sometimes FH gets a little frusturated with me and is like 'Oh come on already' when we go to a hotel and have a nice balcony and I start getting shaky. But it's not something I can control.

---

wow thats crazy that you did that even in your sleep. But yeah its something i cant control like you said and my body reacts to it. Sometimes they say to get over your fear you just have to face it. I can see how that works. I have faced it sometimes and have gotten in the car with others. Sometimes i s*ck it up but i still feel the same way the whole time im in the car. The worst for me is my dad, OMG i cant stand being in the car with him. My mom used to yell at him saying 'you know denise gets scared stop being stupid'

---

Posted by Future Pepper

---

Posted by Espo22

i was in one car accident when i was about 17 years old, i didnt get hurt, nobody else did infact. But my fear did kinda start after that from what i remember. Which i wonder why since i didnt even have a scratch on me. BUT somebody drove MY car for 1 block and crashed it but before this i didnt have problems, i used to get in the car with crazy drivers but i also dont know if its just bc when you are younger you have less fear and dont think about things like this as much, or maybe it does all have to do with that one event.

never been afraid of taking a train, bus i rarely took but wasnt afraid. I am afraid in cabs but then again they drive like maniacs.

when i drive, i have no fear at all and the funny thing is that I LOOOVE driving. The thing is that when i drive i am in control but when someone else is driving i think, ok do they see the person whose about to cut them off. Or somebody is breaking and why are you still accelerating, are you going to break soon? i think these things.

---

It is strange the way phobias develop. I think they start out as a bit of anxiety and become an unexplainable irrational fear (I have one of my own relating to food). I'm glad that you're not often put in the position of being a passenger because it sounds like if you had to be a passenger more often this fear would really affect your day to day life. I imagine there are more people than we think with this fear and I wonder how people have gotten over it.

---

it is strange i guess. I always wonder how it started and that one time when i was 17 is the only thing i can think of. BUT then again it might relate to other things. There have been lots of ppl in my neighborhood who died bc of car accidents, and i think of this. Some were real horrible accidents and heard what happened and when i think of ALL those who died bc of being in a car i see how easy it is to happen.

Whats your fear with food?

I know, thank god i really LOVE to drive so i never mind driving somewhere. Most ppl i know love it when i say i'll drive bc they say 'ok great, i always drive so love when i can take a break and not have to'

---

Posted by Espo22

it is strange i guess. I always wonder how it started and that one time when i was 17 is the only thing i can think of. BUT then again it might relate to other things. There have been lots of ppl in my neighborhood who died bc of car accidents, and i think of this. Some were real horrible accidents and heard what happened and when i think of ALL those who died bc of being in a car i see how easy it is to happen.

Whats your fear with food?

I know, thank god i really LOVE to drive so i never mind driving somewhere. Most ppl i know love it when i say i'll drive bc they say 'ok great, i always drive so love when i can take a break and not have to'

---

I think there's typically one event (and some people can't even trace it back) but then there could be other elements that just add to the anxiety and make it an all out fear! That probably happened to you. The more you thought about certain things (that incident when you were 17, other people getting in to accidents) the more the irrational thoughts and feelings developed.

My fear relates to trying new foods. I think it might be referred to as food neophobia and is most common in children. It generally goes away with being exposed to different foods in non-threatening situations in childhood. Commonly related are 'picky eaters'. Unfortunately, it's hard to distinguish between a child who is just a picky eater and one who is literally afraid to eat new foods. And if the problem isn't addressed early on it gets worse. I have the diet of, let's say, a 5 year old, because, at some point, I became afraid to try new foods. I'm afraid of food. I know how strange that sounds! In adulthood, I try hard to work on my irrational fear but it is, after all, irrational, and I find it hard because it affects my life negatively in so many different ways (socially - 'eating out with friends'; emotionally - because I get frustrated with myself for not eating a salad because I'm 'afraid' of the dressing on it; and namely, it affects my health because my diet is not balanced and healthful).

---

Posted by Future Pepper

---

Posted by Espo22

it is strange i guess. I always wonder how it started and that one time when i was 17 is the only thing i can think of. BUT then again it might relate to other things. There have been lots of ppl in my neighborhood who died bc of car accidents, and i think of this. Some were real horrible accidents and heard what happened and when i think of ALL those who died bc of being in a car i see how easy it is to happen.

Whats your fear with food?

I know, thank god i really LOVE to drive so i never mind driving somewhere. Most ppl i know love it when i say i'll drive bc they say 'ok great, i always drive so love when i can take a break and not have to'

---

I think there's typically one event (and some people can't even trace it back) but then there could be other elements that just add to the anxiety and make it an all out fear! That probably happened to you. The more you thought about certain things (that incident when you were 17, other people getting in to accidents) the more the irrational thoughts and feelings developed.

My fear relates to trying new foods. I think it might be referred to as food neophobia and is most common in children. It generally goes away with being exposed to different foods in non-threatening situations in childhood. Commonly related are 'picky eaters'. Unfortunately, it's hard to distinguish between a child who is just a picky eater and one who is literally afraid to eat new foods. And if the problem isn't addressed early on it gets worse. I have the diet of, let's say, a 5 year old, because, at some point, I became afraid to try new foods. I'm afraid of food. I know how strange that sounds! In adulthood, I try hard to work on my irrational fear but it is, after all, irrational, and I find it hard because it affects my life negatively in so many different ways (socially - 'eating out with friends'; emotionally - because I get frustrated with myself for not eating a salad because I'm 'afraid' of the dressing on it; and namely, it affects my health because my diet is not balanced and healthful).

---

As i get older its getting worse but i do think it all stems from that one time.

My mom is like that, theres very few things she does eat and she just wont try new foods. My dad is the complete opposite and bc he always had to deal with that with my mom, he made sure to do the opposite with me and from the time i was a kid i was tricked into eating so many things. I think i ate octopus at the age of 6 lol. I can say i am VERy open with trying food, i have eaten brains, ostrich, venison, frog legs, and many more things others wont try. BUT it has to do with what you said, it does start with childhood. If my dad didnt get me to eat all these things as a kid, not sure if i'd be this way.

I know somebody else like this and she rarely eats anything, she does get frustrated when going out. many places she hates going out to bc there wont be anything she wants to eat, and then ppl get on her case to just try something and then she always feels she has to explain herself. So i can see how its frustrating.