My FI and I Broke Up and our Wedding is Over!

As I write to you all, I sit here crying because as of last night my FI and I broke up and our wedding has been cancelled. We already called every thing off. As some of you remember my FI and I had a fight over going dress shopping. This sort of escaladed and over the past few days things sort of just got worse. On Monday, David came over and he was upset and felt that I had changed, was selfish and he wasn't really sure what his feelings for me were any more. This was all just an excuse because we ended up meeting last night and he had known for a while that this just wasn't working. He used the dresses as an excuse most likely thinking I'd call it off so he wouldn't have to be the bad one. He ended up telling me that he is in love with me but doesn't know if a marriage between us would ever work...that he has problems within himself that he needs to work out. He feels he jumped into getting married way too fast. There are more underlying reasons to the story which I sort of can piece together. It's hard not to pass judgement on him, but I know that there is no other girls in the picture. I know him well enough to know that there wouldn't be. After talking to many friends and family members this would never be the case. It's just so hard. I can't tell you how hard this is on me. I went to work, only to have to come home. It's eating me up inside. My heart feels like it's been torn out and ripped into a gazillion pieces. What makes this so hard is that him and I have known each other since kindegarten. We have dated for close to three years and really got to know each other for the past six. We were always together and I felt like my life was so dedicated to him and now it's all over. I don't know if I can ever become friends with him again. He wants to take time apart and see what happens. He feels we will see if our relationship is strong enough to get back together. Deep in my heart I know this will never work and I don't know if I can ever be friends with him. That thought is killing me. He has been there for me through other breakups and now it's him that's in those shoes and it's so different because he was going to be my life. I'm heart broken. I can't even begin to tell you how upset I am. I'm so depressed over this. It just stinks!!
I didn't come on here to drown you with all of my problems. I really want to thank all of you girls for your help, advice, ideas, suggestions, etc over the past few months. You have all been nothing but good friends and I feel I have developed some friendships on here which made every thing so worth it. I thank Ron and Liz for such a great site. Don't know what I would've done without it for the past few months as I planned for the wedding I thought I'd have. You girls are great!! I want to wish you all the best of luck with your upcoming weddings...enjoy your special days. I find that it will be just too hard for me to come on here and write as I used to. I will pop on every once in a while to see how you girls are doing. Don't know what path life will lead me in now...but hopefully some day I'll be back on this site with a wedding that was meant to happen for me. On this note, I say good bye to you all and thank you all again

Marissa Don't know if I have any more tears to cry!