Hi everyone. I am new to LIW but have been reading posts for a while. This is my first post! Anyway, I have a dilemma. FH and I are trying to iron out our guest list in order to have an idea of the number of guests we will be inviting. We both have cousins who are in their early twenties, or will be by the time of our wedding, and inviting each with a guest adds considerably to the list. What is the etiquette here? We would not mind if we knew the “guest” but we fear that they may think this is an open invitation and go out of their way to bring a guest. Also, space is a concern – we haven’t booked an RH yet, but we realize the number of guests will impact our choices. We did not want to have a huge wedding, but our list is growing. Any advice how to handle this? FH does not want to give his cousins the option whereas I think it is probably appropriate. There are 12 cousins to whom we would extend the 'and guest' option. Any advice how to handle? Thanks for reading!
DnT2010
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'etiquette' says that any guest over the age of 18 should be invited with a guest... this is a sticky situation.. i personally would only invite them with a guest if i know they have a bf/gf
JC297
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Some people use the rule, 'if you aren't married or engaged then you don't need to bring a guest' I think this is perfectly fine.
FallBride2010
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I know a lot of people wont agree with me, but I think any guest older than 18 should be invited with a date. You have to hope thay all wont bring one...but I think it's appropriate to offer them the option.
christine2010
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we are using the anyone over 18 in our family is invited with a guests. as far as our friends go they need to actually be dating someone for a considerable amount of time. i don't want anyone at the wedding who is only there as a date for just that day.
angel1219eyez
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ok well i am so happy that i am not the only one with this problem....i know exactly how you feel and if we invite everyone who is older with a guest its gunna bring our list to way over 200...seriously i think that when it gets closer to the time of your wedding and the cousins arent in a serious relationship..and i mean serious (like are gunna get married) then dont invite a guest with them
it sounds pretty mean but im sure if they saw the amount that your gunna have to pay for all these ppl that you hardly know that arent even in a serious relationship with ur family members they will understand bc they prob wont do it themselfs
good luck and if you get any really good advice please let me know!
FallBride2010
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Posted by christine2010
we are using the anyone over 18 in our family is invited with a guests. as far as our friends go they need to actually be dating someone for a considerable amount of time. i don't want anyone at the wedding who is only there as a date for just that day.
But doesnt that get sticky? Like...what i they are only dating or 6 months...but the relationship is very serious? I had a friend tell me my relationship wasnt serious enough for me to bring to her wedding. I found it extremely insulting...b/c how can someone else decide if it's serious or not. Just curious how you will decide this? I also wish I didnt have to have a bunch of random people at my wedding...but I dont see any simple way around it...so I am pretty much inviting everyone with guests. I dont want anyone to feel alone.
christine2010
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Posted by FallBride2010
Posted by christine2010
we are using the anyone over 18 in our family is invited with a guests. as far as our friends go they need to actually be dating someone for a considerable amount of time. i don't want anyone at the wedding who is only there as a date for just that day.
But doesnt that get sticky? Like...what i they are only dating or 6 months...but the relationship is very serious? I had a friend tell me my relationship wasnt serious enough for me to bring to her wedding. I found it extremely insulting...b/c how can someone else decide if it's serious or not. Just curious how you will decide this? I also wish I didnt have to have a bunch of random people at my wedding...but I dont see any simple way around it...so I am pretty much inviting everyone with guests. I dont want anyone to feel alone.
luckily i don't have anyone in this situation. all of our guests are either married, engaged or not in a relationship. the people who are not in a relationship are FH's guy friends who are in the wedding party. plus the odds of them dating someone between now & then is slim to no chance.
for my friends e-party i was not allowed to bring FH & we had been together over 6 years at the time. we weren't insultated she called me & explained her situation. i was also invited to a wedding a couple of months after this where i was invited without FH. it was my friends wedding & it turned out that FH & her went to grammer school together. & again she called & explained her situation.
JenBill61210
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i think with us, we are going to invite guests only if they are seriously dating someone.. we will see though where we're at with our minimum.
Kimmypie143
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18 + should be invited with a date. My sister wanted to go with the dating rule and that caused a huge family fight. So she decided to elope instead. You can't have some cousins that have bf's or gf's and not let the other bring a date i dont think its right. Even a lot of her friends were very upset about that and said they wouldnt show up
FallBride2010
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Posted by Kimmypie143
18 + should be invited with a date. My sister wanted to go with the dating rule and that caused a huge family fight. So she decided to elope instead. You can't have some cousins that have bf's or gf's and not let the other bring a date i dont think its right. Even a lot of her friends were very upset about that and said they wouldnt show up
I agree with you. My sister had the same situation. I told her she was wrong...but she did what she wanted...and invited alot of people without dates. I kind of think it's rude. Just because someone doesnt have a serious bf/gf doesnt mean they should be comdemned to being alone at a social function. Going to a wedding is a big expense...the person shouldnt have to spend all this money and be bored, feel alone etc. JMO
Kimmypie143
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Posted by FallBride2010
Posted by Kimmypie143
18 + should be invited with a date. My sister wanted to go with the dating rule and that caused a huge family fight. So she decided to elope instead. You can't have some cousins that have bf's or gf's and not let the other bring a date i dont think its right. Even a lot of her friends were very upset about that and said they wouldnt show up
I agree with you. My sister had the same situation. I told her she was wrong...but she did what she wanted...and invited alot of people without dates. I kind of think it's rude. Just because someone doesnt have a serious bf/gf doesnt mean they should be comdemned to being alone at a social function. Going to a wedding is a big expense...the person shouldnt have to spend all this money and be bored, feel alone etc. JMO
i agree 100 % i was invited without a guest i prob wouldnt go
angel1219eyez
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you guys are 100% right bc if i think about it i wouldnt go to a wedding by myself if FH wasnt invited
grkbarbie
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only add 'and guest' to yhe good looking cousins.
chances r the ugly ones wont bring a date
SummerBride10
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Posted by grkbarbie
only add 'and guest' to yhe good looking cousins.
chances r the ugly ones wont bring a date
Kimmypie143
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Posted by SummerBride10
Posted by grkbarbie
only add 'and guest' to yhe good looking cousins.
chances r the ugly ones wont bring a date
Reymiliz
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Re: My first post - help with guest list dilemma!
Posted by DnT2010
'etiquette' says that any guest over the age of 18 should be invited with a guest... this is a sticky situation.. i personally would only invite them with a guest if i know they have a bf/gf
ITA ... i wouldnt really allow them to bring whoever
FallBride2010
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Posted by grkbarbie
only add 'and guest' to yhe good looking cousins.
chances r the ugly ones wont bring a date
you are too funny!
CappyGirl
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I really appreciate all the different opinions, I think it is safe to say that whatever we decide for one cousin will have to be the case for them all. I can already envision the family fights that will erupt . . .
On a separate note, just something interesting to share, I was in a friend from college's wedding in CT not too long ago and while I was invited with a date (FH) we were not seated together!! We thought that was so strange, but apparently it is not unusual! I was seated with the bp and he was seated at a table of all the dates!! He didn't know anyone!
RitasEngaged
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Posted by JenBill61210
i think with us, we are going to invite guests only if they are seriously dating someone.. we will see though where we're at with our minimum.
