My FMIL is sooo f'ed up!!!!! (LONG)

I am sooo upset. She wrote me an email yesterday asking where we were registered because her mother's friends wanted to send us gifts becuase they couldn't come (they live in St. Louis). We registered mostly at Fortunoff's but did a smaller registry at BB&B so that if the people out west and down south wanted to actually go to the store and buy stuff they could. We put ALL the china, crystal, silver and formal stuff at Fortunoff's and some everyday stuff and bedding at BB&B.

Well here is email I got from her today....

'Not sure there is a Fortunof's in St. Louis. Just send you patterns for china, crystal, silver etc to me so I can pass it onto Grandma Lankford and she can tell Bart and Marie. They do not have a computer I don't think. Could you sign up at Dillard's too or is there not one on Long Island?'

What the F*%^... would she like me to order the presents for them? I am not doing a third registry at a store that is not in NY!!!!!! His grandparents have internet, they use it all the time... couldn't they help thier friends order something. I told her that I will not send the names of the china patterns to her bc then if they buy them somewhere else they won't get subtracted from the registry at Fortunoffs. I forgot to tell her that I have no way to return them if they are broken!!!

She is really annoying and kind of sickly (FMIL I mean) so I feel bad getting all mad but come on... I can't cater to the needs to every single person they forced us to send courtesy invites to .... I have never met these people. I appreciate them buying us gifts... I do... But I don't need this stress.
ARG... Vent over

Am I being nasty??? My mom just told me I was?

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Posted by SFP0214

I am sooo upset. She wrote me an email yesterday asking where we were registered because her mother's friends wanted to send us gifts becuase they couldn't come (they live in St. Louis). We registered mostly at Fortunoff's but did a smaller registry at BB&B so that if the people out west and down south wanted to actually go to the store and buy stuff they could. We put ALL the china, crystal, silver and formal stuff at Fortunoff's and some everyday stuff and bedding at BB&B.

Well here is email I got from her today....

'Not sure there is a Fortunof's in St. Louis. Just send you patterns for china, crystal, silver etc to me so I can pass it onto Grandma Lankford and she can tell Bart and Marie. They do not have a computer I don't think. Could you sign up at Dillard's too or is there not one on Long Island?'

What the F*%^... would she like me to order the presents for them? I am not doing a third registry at a store that is not in NY!!!!!! His grandparents have internet, they use it all the time... couldn't they help thier friends order something. I told her that I will not send the names of the china patterns to her bc then if they buy them somewhere else they won't get subtracted from the registry at Fortunoffs. I forgot to tell her that I have no way to return them if they are broken!!!

She is really annoying and kind of sickly (FMIL I mean) so I feel bad getting all mad but come on... I can't cater to the needs to every single person they forced us to send courtesy invites to .... I have never met these people. I appreciate them buying us gifts... I do... But I don't need this stress.
ARG... Vent over

Am I being nasty??? My mom just told me I was?

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nah not at all...i was told the same about fhs fam in FL....but the way i see it ....if they really want to buy you something...then they'll find a way to get to a computer

I think the issue was that the grandparents friend didn't have internet and wanted to physically go to the store. But the grandparents have internet and use it well... they could order for thier friends next time they are over.
That is why we registered at Bed Bath and Beyond.. so people could go there!
Oh Well WHATEVER!!!

yeah...the way id respond is 'does shitkickerville have a hallmark store...cause money has replaced bartering in the rest of the united states'


Mean I guess but jeeze...stupid questions beg for stupid responses

Totally biased and coming on the 05 board to give you

I'm on your side here. Yes, there is no Fortunoff's in St. Louis. Is there a BBB? Who knows...maybe. But your wonderful and supportive FMIL could have printed the registry out and given it to whomever. Or again, they could call Fortunoffs. Or they could send a nice gift card to a store the whole country has... Or they could send you a cow from the country (allowed to say that, I have a house in the 'country').

Maybe you should tell her that they could get you a gift certificate for obediance training for Daisy! That's an idea!

What would they have done if you didn't register anywhere? They would have gotten you a lovely crystal bowl that you would never use. I am getting presents now that I didn't register for...some are fantabulous, and some are not my taste, but totally returnable.

Anyways, I'll always be on your side, but like your mom, I'll tell you when you are mean or crazy (like you do for me). However, darling, not to disagree with the MOB....you are not being nasty.

Besides, you are very pretty and we don't want frown lines for the wedding.

Does this picture make you feel better? Remember this so long ago? It looks like I am trying to take your hand and ring!

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Posted by SFP0214

I am sooo upset. She wrote me an email yesterday asking where we were registered because her mother's friends wanted to send us gifts becuase they couldn't come (they live in St. Louis). We registered mostly at Fortunoff's but did a smaller registry at BB&B so that if the people out west and down south wanted to actually go to the store and buy stuff they could. We put ALL the china, crystal, silver and formal stuff at Fortunoff's and some everyday stuff and bedding at BB&B.

Well here is email I got from her today....

'Not sure there is a Fortunof's in St. Louis. Just send you patterns for china, crystal, silver etc to me so I can pass it onto Grandma Lankford and she can tell Bart and Marie. They do not have a computer I don't think. Could you sign up at Dillard's too or is there not one on Long Island?'

What the F*%^... would she like me to order the presents for them? I am not doing a third registry at a store that is not in NY!!!!!! His grandparents have internet, they use it all the time... couldn't they help thier friends order something. I told her that I will not send the names of the china patterns to her bc then if they buy them somewhere else they won't get subtracted from the registry at Fortunoffs. I forgot to tell her that I have no way to return them if they are broken!!!

She is really annoying and kind of sickly (FMIL I mean) so I feel bad getting all mad but come on... I can't cater to the needs to every single person they forced us to send courtesy invites to .... I have never met these people. I appreciate them buying us gifts... I do... But I don't need this stress.
ARG... Vent over

Am I being nasty??? My mom just told me I was?

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Okay, I may have to duck , but I agree with you mom. I think your FMIL was just being sweet and was trying to help out. I agree that the friends could have just gotten things off the BBB registry and that she should not have asked you to regsiter at another registry but she was polite when she asked you. I just think you could have been a little sweeter in your response. You could tell her that Dillard's is not really popular in NY and that is why you also registered at BBB because you know they are nationwide. In addition, you could have said something like you appreciate any gifts that Grandma's friends send and that they don't have to get chinaware for you if it is inconvenient but if they really want to then they can order via the internet or the telephone at 1-8000--------.

Now, I know we are all on the computer 24/7, but alot of older people don't use the internet or email as we do. For example, my mother just does not use email. We showed her many times, but she forgot her password to her account (she wanted to make it really complicated so no one could figure it out ) and she just won't call AOL to get it reset. I have a lot of aunts and uncles who also don't use the computers.

Like most situations, the answer was somewhere in the middle. I do think she was being a bit clueless by asking you to register at yet another store that you did not choose (and doesn't exist in NY). However, I probably would not have withheld the name of my china. Not sure how that helps you or anyone out.

In the bigger scheme of things, don't sweat the small stuff. This is essentially an argument about gifts and people trying to give them to you guys. So, you end up with 3 crystal bowls you'll never use. Things could definitely be worse....

Sorry for the added stress....Enjoy ....

some people are clueless, thats all. I think it is sort of lame, but most likely she is just trying to accomodate her friends (who are probably pestering her or whatever - you never know.)

My grandmother asked me the other day if we could make the wedding earlier so her friends would be able to drive home instead of staying overnight. My mother screamed at her and I just rolled my eyes. No big deal, she is just old and clueless, thats all.

It's all part of the fun!

NOT that this is at all right.......But older people (older women) get this idea in their head of what THEY want to buy for you - And GOD forbid it's not on your registry, or if the one on your registry is not the one they wanted to get for you - they have a fit !! (trust me - My Grandmother gave my Dad the hardest time !!)
Maybe Grandma's friends are this way ? They have their heart set on getting your China and/or Crystal ? -
Is HE close w/ his Grandparents ? Maybe he can give them a call to chat about the situation and take your FMIL out of the middle ...........??

Okay...soo I appreciate your everyone's advise.. And after much making myself feel bad today I got an email from her.... Just a little background... she is really not all there, literally, I'm not just being mean... But she has really been making this whole wedding difficult. She thought we should cancel the wedding and do something low key, constant comments about my HUGE wedding (110 people ) and whatnot.... She asked me everyday for a month...starting 3 days after I got engaged to pick wedding colors so she could buy a dress... I finally got fed up and explained that I had just started a new job and I wasn't ready to pick Bm dresses yet... she agreed that it was okay to wait a month or two. I went and got dresses and before I could even tell her she went out and bought a dress anyway and now is upset that I didn't pick a color that went well with her dress and she is going to clash... WHO CARES???

I digress... She is soo out of it that she didn't even catch the 'tude in the email. Stephen helped me clean it up a little so it was to the point but not nasty... She said that she figured out to access the registry and emailed it to her parents who will print it out and give it to their friends. I also called the stores and they will all happily print out registries and mail them to anyone without internet so they may read it and place orders on the phone! Sooooo... Another annoying crisis over...

Actually the grandparents probably have already figured all this out... they are sooo normal and nice and FMIL is just sitting around thinking of things to stress about.

Thanks agian girls... for helping me to see the light

I know you're upset but this really doesn't seem to be ssomething to get real upset about. They want to buy you gifts and probably want to see it, feel it, etc. Some people are like that.

Reagarading your comment about ordering the gifts for them, isn't that basically what we do when we develop a registry?

I think you should be gracious and tell her the china, etc and then ask her to tell your mom or MOH who can then take the items off your registry if you give them the password. I know my mom has done that with a few OOT gifts that have been bought (I don't know what...just that she did that!) Also, if you get a gift from Dillards and the same thing from Fortunoff you can return the one to Fortunoff and get a credit. There's something in the registry that says you get to buy 'lefdtovers' from the registry for a certain period of time, and at a percent off.

In these days of stress and planning and pressure, it's easy for us to react in a way we usually wouldn't...I think this may be the case in this situation..JMO

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Posted by SFP0214

Okay...soo I appreciate your everyone's advise.. And after much making myself feel bad today I got an email from her.... Just a little background... she is really not all there, literally, I'm not just being mean... But she has really been making this whole wedding difficult. She thought we should cancel the wedding and do something low key, constant comments about my HUGE wedding (110 people ) and whatnot.... She asked me everyday for a month...starting 3 days after I got engaged to pick wedding colors so she could buy a dress... I finally got fed up and explained that I had just started a new job and I wasn't ready to pick Bm dresses yet... she agreed that it was okay to wait a month or two. I went and got dresses and before I could even tell her she went out and bought a dress anyway and now is upset that I didn't pick a color that went well with her dress and she is going to clash... WHO CARES???

I digress... She is soo out of it that she didn't even catch the 'tude in the email. Stephen helped me clean it up a little so it was to the point but not nasty... She said that she figured out to access the registry and emailed it to her parents who will print it out and give it to their friends. I also called the stores and they will all happily print out registries and mail them to anyone without internet so they may read it and place orders on the phone! Sooooo... Another annoying crisis over...

Actually the grandparents probably have already figured all this out... they are sooo normal and nice and FMIL is just sitting around thinking of things to stress about.

Thanks agian girls... for helping me to see the light

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No problem. I'm glad everything worked out for you.

Girl...I can just imagine Stephen 'cleaning' it all up.

I say, change your email. Put her email address in the 'junk' pile... oops, never got your email darlin' FMIL!

hehehehehee....evil.

All I have to say is....

MAY YOU GLORIFY THE LORD IN YOUR MARRIAGE!

Love,
The Best MOH you have ever had.

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Posted by Anti-Bride

yeah...the way id respond is 'does shitkickerville have a hallmark store...cause money has replaced bartering in the rest of the united states'


Mean I guess but jeeze...stupid questions beg for stupid responses

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I love this response!

I feel your pain! FMIL's are nuts. I just gave up. I find the less info the better. Hang in their girl and plaster a smile on your face.