my friend has me POed

I'm allergic to cats. Not just where I sneeze a little and my nose runs. It's where I wheeze a lot, my throat burns like hell, I itch all over and my eyes SWELL SHUT and I feel like I want to tear my eyes out. And once I react, my allergies go into a hyperactive mode for several days or even a week. If I take benadryl, I react less but I still have an allergic reaction and then I am hungover the entire next day.

No matter how you look at it, being around a cat takes away my life for at least 2 days.

I finally got to the point many years ago where I just do not go places where there are cats if I can avoid it.

So, my friend had a backyard wedding at her house. I went inside for like 3 minutes, my eyes got itchy and I took a benadryl, but at the time I never said a word to anyone about it and tried to enjoy the wedding.

She now invites me over often and tell me that her cat 'is not one of the allergic ones.' Well, I already HAD a reaction to her cat (wedding and one other time). So fine, for her wedding I went over there, but for Friday night movies, I won't put myself through that. Why can't people understand that? The other day she told me to stop being a baby and come on over!!!!!!

I didn;t know what to say but she is that last person on earth who would purposely put herself in a situation where she feels crappy.

I feel like telling her that when she is up half the night struggling to breathe and she can parely see because her eyes are so swollen, I'm going to ask her if she EVER wants to feel like that again. (The reaction does not just go away when I leave the person's house.)

I don't ask anything else of my friends or inconvenice them in any other way and obviously for a big event like a wedding, I was right there. But why can't these people just understand that I can't just come by and hang out?????? I have friends that I avoid because they make comments about my refusal to come over.

I never say anything negative about them or their cats even though it is hard for me to really like cats now!!!! Why call me a baby??????????

Do I need to lose friends over this?

Oh, PS--about half my friends who have cats do totally understand and don't push anything on me!!!! I love them for that!!

I don't think she realizes.I mean like you said, for most people, it's just a runny nose, some itching, you can take soem benadryl and deal. But I think it's hard for people to understand such a severe reaction as yours, not having been through it. They don't even realize allergies can BE that bad, and they've seen other people get the itchies or the sneezies and think you have that and you're being a baby. I would just tell her you'd love to see her, invite her over, or suggest going out, but that you really just cannot. You're not being a baby, you'd love to come over and if it were just a small reaction thatwould go away in a few hours you would, but it really is severe. If she can't understand it, then just politely decline. It may be annoying, but people can be..shall we say dense about some things.

I also have severe allergies and just a sensitive respiratory system in general. If I'm in a house with serious smokers I'll have symptoms for days and usually actually get a cold or flu because it has made me so vulnerable. I've also gotten violently ill because people thought I was exagerrating my food alleries or the reactions I get to things I don't eat (like meat). so I understadn where you're coming from. I don't know if there's anything you can do but just be firm and hope she gets the message at some point.

some people who don't have allergies don't understand.

I would try to explain to her (like you did on here) exactly how this effects you. if she still doesn't get it, I would say bye bye to this friend.

I could have written this exact post!!! i cant even go in the vacinity of a cat or a dog for that matter..and one of my friends lets her huge golden retriever sit in her car and shed all over it--so she doesnt understand why when she offers me a ride i never take it.. what dont u understand about dog FUR being ALL OVER THE SEATS!!!!

dont risk ur health if shes going to be pissed then she aint a good friend

I have a dog and am mildly allergic to him. When I told my allergist that I got the dog he said, 'Ok, a dog is not going to kill you. A cat on the other hand.......' and he didn't finish his sentence.

The allergist tested me and gave my dog allergy a 2 on a scale of 1-10 and my cat allergy was over a 10. The cat skin test area swelled so much that it spread to the areas where they were testing other things, so those tests were no longer valid because they couldn't tell what was what!!!! And I had to take benadryl and use cortisone on the skin spot that they tested. And it remained swollen for days!!!! He said he would never even test cats on me again because it is not worth the risk of exposing me.

I love my dog more than anything and when my cat lover friends tell me that I could not possiblty be allergic to their little loves I say that as much as I love my dog, I realize that some people can't be near him. I don't push everyone to hug and kiss my dog just because I do!!!!!

This conversation just makes me appreciate the friends that do have cats and don't get on my case about this! I am still really POed at my one friend for calling me a baby!!!!