my head is spinning

soooo as you may know

FH & I are going to Mexico next week for vaca and to see 2 resorts for the wedding.

Well, in the interim, Ive been doing tons of research, talking to other brides who have done a DW, looking at tons of pics and reviews from weddings at the resorts were interested in.

So FH drops this bomb that he thinks it's going to cost about 10K to get married there

and 10K is just a reallllly difficult number to meet...it's more like 15-20k

So FH says thats ridiculous, were not spending 20k for 35-40 people

I'd rather just spend 40k for 150 people and have it here in NY



really???? bc that still means we need to come up with 40k!

the point of this is to save money and keep it intimate!

so now I feel like were back to square one and going to have to plan a NY wedding. Weve been engaged almost a year already and NOOOOO plans!

and I don't want to waste too much time in mexico talking to wedding coordinators if its no longer the plan, were only going there for 4 days.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh





sorry so long just need to vent!

Awww I'm sorry. At the end of the day, regardless of money, you guys have to do what makes you happy and again, at the end of the day, its about you guys becoming husband and wife....whether that happens in Mexico, here or on the Moon, it doesnt much matter.

Def sit down with FH and discuss exactly what you guys want. I'm sure it'll all work out!

come to my side babe. I've been dealing w my wedding drama since 09!

the other day i wanted to push it back to 2012 bc really whats the big deal at this point? hes like NO!

and he's unwilling to bend at all with what he wants.

Meanwhile he's stressing over $.

MEN!

I did a ishhh load of research of destination weddings .. and it can range from $3,000k to $40,000... it really depends how simple or FAB you wanna have it and the location that you choose... but you guys are going on vacation...why bring wedding planning into it?!!!! i probably wouldnt even let FH get to me.. i would sleep in on purpose instead of wasting my vacation time on wedding stuff..

if you wanna have it in NY - have it NY! dont go back and forth like me and Fh did...

we are sooo close to dropping a deposit in the islands but prices were 'changing' amongst the brides I spoke to ...and the Gina incident occured more frequent because of the simple fact that you are not there... Imma control freak and I need to SEE where my $$$ going.. I was getting annoying with the emails and phone back and forth... but thats just meee!! everyone is diff

enjoy mexico but dont turn this vacay into an argument. dont pay FH any mind and have fun!

worry about the wedding plans when you return !

btw , your FH is right though.. mexico can def work for$10k ... try and make it work! I know 4 people who spent $10 - $12k... if money is an issue, make it work! work with what your pockets can afford... dont stress !


Do you have $40k for NY? will this put a financial strain on ur relationship? because you dont wanna have a $40k and you & FH are constantly fighting during planning and after the wedding... def not a good look.... If you love Mexico and its affordable, go for it! but is Mexico something both of you and FH want? are you okay with some family and friends not present? because not everyone will attend.. thats just the reality of it ...my FH was not okay with that, hence Jericho Terrace.

it sounds like you both arent in agreement with the budget - first agree on a number and make it work ! thats what me and FH really had to do otherwise i probably would be in the same place..if $15k is your budget then make $15k work for NY, Mexico or whatever ... of course you will have to cut corners and whatnot but he is paying for the wedding as well... you guys have to compromise on something otherwise it will be hard to decide what you wanna do...

OMG you were so excited about Mexico!!

What resorts are you considering???

Def. contact them and tell them what you're comfortable w/paying for each guest. What you have to pay for (flowers; DJ) and where you can save. HOw is it going to cost $20K?? The reception for the guests??

You probably don't need a lot of flowers since you have the beautiful ocean as your back drop!! Go on your vacation next month; meet with vendors and I'm sure you'll fall in love with your decision all over again :)

ETA: IF you want to save $$; don't go crazy trying to plan something here in NY. PLUS if you move it back here in NY do you have to push your date back then??

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Posted by Notwedyet08

OMG you were so excited about Mexico!!

What resorts are you considering???

Def. contact them and tell them what you're comfortable w/paying for each guest. What you have to pay for (flowers; DJ) and where you can save. HOw is it going to cost $20K?? The reception for the guests??

You probably don't need a lot of flowers since you have hte beautiful ocean as your back drop!! Go on your vacation next month; meet with vendors and I'm sure you'll fall in love with your decision all over again :)

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yess, she is excited about mexico but is he excited about it ????? or the cost? its his wedding too.. i know most FH arent crazy about the wedding but many men have one thing in common .... MONEY! if you are not the same page with money... there will be problems 4sure....

He might rather pay 40,000 for 140 people but the question is will you two have the 40,000 to spend? a savings of 20,000 is A LOT of money.

Mexico is FH's idea!!!

lol but yes we are both equally as excited about it!!!

we both loved the idea of a destination wedding

its just that FH is different from mine, he is very logical\

and he looks at it as pp price

so obviously 20k divided by 30

is a bigger pp number than 40k divided by 150!


and unfortunately for what I want 10k is not realistic, at least not for the resort we want to have it at

i spoke to tons of brides having/had it at the same resort and they were all nice enough to send me their budgets

its 15k minimum

it doesnt help that the dress i picked is 5k



we thought that mexico would be cheaper than NY...but it seems that prices are the same

photographers there start at 5k!!!

duet was only 4500 here in NY!

ugghhhhhhhhh

and Cindy, id love to say screw the wedding planning while we are there
but i am a control freak like you, and I neeeeed to see things so this may be the only time we are in Mexico before the wedding, so we really need to take the opportunity to talk to coordinators and see ceremony/reception sites

ugghhhhhhhh

i will sit fh down before we leave one more time and really talk it out

and no a NY wedding would not mean pushing back our date

we are thinking anywhere from may-october of 2011

thats great that FH is logicial...thats a good thing... Try and be logicial with him!! I dont think pp is the issue.. he is focused on that $10k... lol .... trust, pp doesnt mean anything if you are saving $20k at the end of the day!! esp to men!

i know what you mean... i cant do solely emails until the big day and show up 3days before to finalize details.. thats crazzzzzy...

Did you purchase your dress? can you find it elsewhere for less? Photography cost is not the same unless you are going top notch.. Can you pick another location for less money?

i would scale back if i really wanted to do DW.. personally it sounds like you are going to be over $40k based on 'wants' you would like for your wedding.... however it is YOUR day and I cant obviously tell you what to do esp virtually .. but it just sounds like you are putting wayyy tooo much pressure on your budget... and its already causing problems..JMO!

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Posted by mybabylovesmoi

He might rather pay 40,000 for 140 people but the question is will you two have the 40,000 to spend? a savings of 20,000 is A LOT of money.

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ITA!!

Even though i am a big fan of DW, i want to share a story.. my friend did a destination wedding, and it cost her alot of money. It was also extremely stressful for her.. She had to fly in a photg, hair and makeup person bc they were so expensive there, she had to travel to bermuda with her dress, all kinds of luggage, diys, tons of things, then flew back with all of it plus gifts. It was very stressful for her..

Did you guys think of having a smaller intimate wedding here?

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Posted by Jsquared

Even though i am a big fan of DW, i want to share a story.. my friend did a destination wedding, and it cost her alot of money. It was also extremely stressful for her.. She had to fly in a photg, hair and makeup person bc they were so expensive there, she had to travel to bermuda with her dress, all kinds of luggage, diys, tons of things, then flew back with all of it plus gifts. It was very stressful for her..

Did you guys think of having a smaller intimate wedding here?

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heres the thing, when we first got engaged last november we did the whole DW thing...then we realized what you said that it would be super stressful so we nixed it

I would totally do a small intimate wedding here...but FH feels too much pressure having a NY wedding and would feel he needs to invite everyone

and yes it is stressful...photographers are equally as expensive there
hair/makeup is a problem bc you cant do a trial so far away


As far as the other girls comments...

10k is really not doable for what I want...like i said photographers are 5k alone for basics

and flying someone down from NY ends up being at the same price point

we really don't want to start searching and shopping around tons of locations/hotels bc the possibilities are endless and it will make it very confusing

yes it may be cheaper on another island but it will make the decision sooo hard

our friend is a Travel Agent and said this is one of the best resorts for destination weddings. so thats y we decided on it


I agree with most of you that 20k is 20k and its a lot less than 40k!!!!

but FH keeps bringing up how much it works out PP and doesnt feel like it makes sense..

do we have 40k for a wedding? sure

do i want to spend 40k on a wedding? NO!

all i can say is that you need to do what you really want. you get one shot at this, and it needs to be what you want, and what you can afford.

its so easy to get caught up in all the BS, but when it comes down to it, its you and FH. thats it.

thanks!

thats y i wanted i DW

bc to be honest all i really care about is FH & I

we wanted a DW to put hte focus on us and our marriage and our love

instead of the focus on a big wedding

Sorry to hear you are going through so much. I know what you mean bc every time we turn around and move forward i think of how much it is going to cost and i can't breath. We just went away to Florida this week and i kept saying how nice it would be to get married somewhere tropical- but for us its hard. We already have a huge bridal party .. We got alot for our money at the hall we are currently booked at.

I was fine until my BM that we booked with is not working for them any longer. So now im a little uneasy.. I don't have a BM which makes me extrememly nervous.. Since i have a food allergy..

I get really nervous thinking that im not making the right decision on having this big wedding bc we are not rich...


There are really no other options for us at this point so we are trying our best to save and hopefully have enough money by then.