Well, it's that time. And here's my long Irish goodbye.
I have to say as one of the older brides on this site I never thought this day would come. Really!!
Three years ago I was living in a father/daughter house and was in the fifth year of taking care of my Dad after he had a devistating stroke. While everyone I knew (any many younger people) met, got engaged, married, bought house #1, had their kids and were on house #2, I was 'dating' and was living the life of a full-time care giver/power-of-attorney for my Dad. Even my family said, I was killing myself and should just put Dad in a home... over my dead body!! I was 32 years old and every guy I met (yes, match.com, etc.) were commitment phobes, not over their exes, I suspected married or just plain weird. I was getting older and there seemed no hope in sight. I had no time for their nonsense. So I would work, shuttle my Dad to and from doctor's appointments, cook, clean, do home repairs, handle all of the finances and try to find the time to date on the weekends. People always knew never to say to me, 'Wait until you have kids'... they knew better. At least kids, you can take with you.
I've never had a typical life and actually much of my life's events have taken place in a backwards fashion. My mother will not be physically present on my wedding day, as she died tragically when I was eight, but I have sewn the lace from her wedding dress onto my veil and she will be 'trailing me down the aisle' much how she has looked out for me all throughout my life from her heavenly place.
During all of this time I had no idea that the man I will marry lived in a dorm with me at Ithaca College in the fall of 1988, we had the same major and many of the same friends but surprisingly never met. The 'Big Guy Upstairs' just knew we weren't ready. David met someone in 1993 and married her in late 1997, the same month I broke up with an ex who I was sure at the time I was going to marry. He entered what he thought was a happy marriage, I was nursing my heartache and little did I know my Dad would suffer his stroke one year later. Over the next few years, unbeknowst to us, David and I went to the same concerts, ate in the same restaurants and worked only blocks away from one another in Garden City. As I was adjusting to my new and very different life, FH's marriage disintegrated. His ex was a victim of early childhood abuse and it just manifested into mental illness and an abusive relationship by her towards him.
We firmly believe that we were both 'tested' severely and, now, are very greatful for that test. We both have a very deep love for one another because we have struggled on our own. We will chose each other on Monday, not because it's what everyone expects us to do after knowing each other for years (we did not) or because we are a certain age and are scared to be alone. We chose each other because we have tremendous faith in ourselves as individuals and the bond we can make as a team.
Finally, on March 3, 2003 we met at a speeddating event. I asked him if he smoked and he said, 'Only when I'm on fire' and he's been keeping me laughing ever since (BTW, that's something my Dad would say when he could talk). I only attended that speedating event because I attended the previous one (it was a disaster, Do you know the scene in the bar from Star Wars? That's what it felt like?) and won a ticket to the next one where I met David. I firmly believe that was my mother saying, ok, one more time, Theresa, and he will be there
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(Happy Tears!!). Well, David was #4. Two months later my mother came to me in a dream (never happened before) and said, 'He's the one'.
Despite the overwhelming stress and struggles, I would not change a single thing. I had a decade of mostly being me, getting an advanced degree (MS + 60), saving my money and being more self-reliant than I ever thought I could be... fixing my Dad's house largely by myself, handling all finances and even suing a large national insurance company when they wanted to discontinue his rehab.
So on Monday we choose each other to build a life together. This time is especially joyous considering three years ago neither one of us could foresee it ever happening. I don't think I'll be on much anymore as David and I are older and want to start the next phase of our lives right away
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and catch up to our friends and family.
I wish all of you a lifetime of happiness, but remember one thing, one can find joy in even what seems the darkest hours... those are the times that truly test us as human beings. The foundation of your relationship is so precious. Don't let anyone or anything (work, material possessions, anything) chip away at it. It must be watched and built upon every day if it is to endure. What furniture you have, cars you drive, restaurants you eat in and trips you take mean NOTHING without LOVE. Surround yourself with PEOPLE who are genuine and experiences that enrich you as a human being and you will be richer than all of the gold in the world.
My life has been so rich. I will be forever blessed, more than I could ever imagine, when David and I join our lives on Monday.
Thank you to all of you who have helped along the way.
Love each other,
Theresa
