Brides Helping Brides ™ - My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

june262004 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:10 PM

My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Went to meet with the preist last night. I can't believe this. First of all the asked us nothing about how long we have known each other nothing about our families NOTHING. They made us fill out paperwork and asked us if we want to get married (DUH) if we are in counseling. Why is it there business (they said cause they want to make sure we are in our free mind to get married). Then they give us a booklet from the church with rules.... RULES!!! like no alchol in the limo before the church and The limo company has to sign this!!!! SIGN IT!!!!!!!! they need the limo companies name and #! the photographer and videographer has rules 2. they can not stand on any carpeted area of the church?????? and can not use any extra lighting inside the church or in the lobby????? they 2 haveto sign this affidavit with name of company and phone #. Ya rght if I bring this to them they will laugh at me!!!!!!! I cant believe this crap. Flower girls can not throw flowers whats the whole point of having a flower girl (besides them looking adorable)!?!?!?!? I cant bring in any outside flowers into the church for the alter and if I do they have to be placed on tile foor not on the carpet (which is on the alter) I can't believe this! does anyone elses church have these rules or just mine!!!!
Thanks ladies
Kristin

Sonicstef Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:12 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Some of the big churches in Manhattan had similiar (although not quite as bad) rules along with outrageous fees.

If you have a choice, I would stay away from a church like this b/c its only going to cause you more headache down the road.

curly2003 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:14 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Ugghhh, So sorry We wanted to avoid all of this so reception hall it is for us. Try to work it out BEFORe the day. Good luck!!

june262004 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:14 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

O ya the fees which a long time ago were called DONATIONS.... They were 400.00 for the church 200.00 for music and 20.00 two $10.00 bills for the alter boys nothing like being picky!

Scoop Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:17 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Our church had only one rule for the photographers...that they can only stand in a certain area when on the alter. They also made a suggestion to have the girls (bridesmaids) covered (their dresses were strapless but I didn't mind b/c it came with a shall.)

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:17 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

I'm Jewish so I don't have quite the problem.... but wow! that sounds pretty intense- but please don't take this the wrong way- that room marks the beginning of your marriage not the wedding and although we want the reception to be amazing and fun, the room should sort of be sacred and the union respected and call me old fashioned but I feel like everyone should be sober. My ceremony coordinator forbids drinking alcohol before.

june262004 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:20 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

I Totally agree about the alchol. but... we made have mde like a champagne toast u know. Im not a drunk anyway. I just think for me to walk into a limo company and say here u have to sign this paper saying no drinks in the limo before im gonna look a little silly dont u think?

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:22 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

That's true... that part is a little extreme and it's like the priest isn't respecting your word that you won't drink.... have the drink at home!

Paiz Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:25 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

We have similar rules - where are you getting married. It is my FH's church and is important for him to get married there, so we are willing to abide by these. However, we don't actually have to get companies to sign things...that seems a bit extreme!

june262004 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:27 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

It's St. James in Seaford. It is VERY extreme but also important to me 2 I have been in this church for the 22 years Of my life! I made EVERYTHING there.

LizD Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:38 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

I used St Barnabas in Bellmore, nothing was mentioned about alcohol, but the video/photog did have to sign a paper in regards to lighting and where they could stand. Neither of them had a problem with it, they said it is the same at a lotof church's. Our flower girl wa allowed to throw flowers, but our guests could not throw anything at all outside.
We found out at pre-cana that the church has be sued by a lot of guests at wedding with slipping and tripping and that is why a lot of them will not let anything be thrown. Some won't eve let you have a runner anymore b/c of this/

The photog/video is because to the church it is a sacred ceremony to be just between the man and woman getting married, and the priest as officient, so they do not want to photographer, videographer interrupting that ceremony. Usually most church's will give you some time after the ceremony is over for the video and photo's to be 're-created' at the alter, etc.
Don't worry, it will all work out.

7-11 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 03:45 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

omg. i would stay away from that church...i need to share this story that i cant believe i never wrote on here before. My fiances sister got married there this past september. Well this is gonna be long.
1st-every time they went there, they were like, where is the donation, where is the donation. and they had already paid it.
2nd-they tried to raise the 'donation' money drastically from what was already agreed upon
THIS TAKES THE CAKE!
so they were married the year before in a civil ceremony because she became pregnant. THE CHURCH KNEW ABOUT EVERYTHING. So the day of the wedding comes and the layperson there, the woman who works at the church said that the preist couldnt marry them because the marriage cert was from last year and they didnt get a new one. she tells the groom this at the very minute they are lining up to come in etc. bride is waiting in the car not knowing what's up. All the guests are in the church. and this wasnt brought up at the rehersal, at the meetings, etc. so after about 1/2 hr. the preist agrees to renew their vows. so he does some ceremony where he mentions the 'legal problems' the guests did not need all this info. they didnt know what the hold up was. So he does some quick short ceremony pronouncing her name wrong the whole time...THEN this is the kicker...She goes to meet with the priest afterward to discuss her unhappiness with the situation. And he said, that the priest there that day and the woman were wrong, she could have been married that day. When the woman called him, she said that they didnt have a license at all!!!!

needless to say that my fiances family changed churches

Jenn524 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 06:07 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

My church doesn't let the flower girl throw flowers either and we're not allowed to through bird seed because it wrecks the pavement. They didn't say anything about alcohol to us so I hope they don't mind when I walk in crocked.

LnP2003 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 06:09 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

i'm so happy i don't have to worry about this.....

07052002 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 06:16 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Did you go to St. Anthony's?? Your profile shoot look familar?? just wondering

St. Kilians had rules too, but we worked with the church and all was perfect. Most churches have the same rules some enforce and some don't. I wanted to be maried by a Catholic Mass, so I delt.

bride04 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 06:16 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Hey DecBride02! I'm getting married at St. Barnabas too! We didn't get anything for the photographer to sign, but we did get a bunch of rules. Actually, the priest told us that after the ceremony no one is allowed back inside to take pictures! They said because sometimes there is a wedding right after yours they need you to get out. Even if there's not a wedding afterwards you still can't go back in. They said they wanted to make the rule across the board with no exceptions. Well, there is one exception...if it's raining outside they will try to accommodate you. I guess there's nothing you can do. I'm sure it's the same way at lots of churches.

ddunne23 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 06:17 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Every church has rules, some worse than others. My church had a bunch of rules with photo, etc. but since I used a priest from outside the parish and the pastor was not around my vendors were able to be where they wanted to for all the important shots. Oh course they were very respectful and I didn't even notice them there, but I would really think about the situation you are in. I ran into some problems with the church and I wasn;t even using one of their priests. My churhc was merely acting as a landlord! In my opinion, churches are never easy to work with and it seems like they give you a hard time becuase they know they can! Good luck! Does FH have a nice church you could use?

LnP2003 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 06:18 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

i'm so glad that my priest didn't say anything about the liquor thing, cuz i'm sure i'm gonna have a few glasses of champagne b4 i leave the house!

07052002 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 07:48 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Just wanted to share that personally I have major beef with that parish. Both my brother and I attended the school. He Graduated from there. I did not because I was in the 7th grade when we regionalized. I have made every single sacrament there as did my brother.
I dealt with my school closing because Fr. Dan wanted a new church. Yes, what a smart man lets screw the school families many who were second generation and stop caring about the building so you can get a new church. Yes, he allowed the school to get so bad that bricks fell out as we were in their learning. But that's another story.

So, when my fiance and myself got engaged. I immediately went to St. James to set my date. I talked with Fr. Gene (who I believe has since retired as he was caught in the scandal) so anyways, he would not let me set a date because my fiance was not with me. Even after explaining to him numerous times that my Fiance was in the Air Force he told me he wouldn't budge. So, as I sat their crying he said as soon as I could bring in my fiance he would let us have a date, I reminded him that this was shortly after 9-11 and that he could't just get leave from Colorado to come and say hi. I told him I could get a letter from the base chaplin as well as my fiance's pastor in his home town and Fr. Gene did not care. He wouldn't even let me pencil in a date so that I could look at halls or anything. So, I left there in tears.
A day later I called St. Kilians who were incredible to me. Fr.Gentleman is now a family friend and he was able to schedule we a date and work with my fiance and myself via emails, webcams and way he could speak with us and during our enagement we all because very close, even when we had to postpone because of the AF and reschedule St. Kilians was right there with all helping us throw it all.

Needless to say a few months after we set our date Fr. Gene retired with no real notice because of a scandal he was caught up in.

I loved St. James but now I don't understand what they have done to their parish families so many of my friends are now members of St. Kilians or Maria Regina. If you have been a member there you know Fr. Gene wasen't the first priest we had a problem with in scandels.. we also had Fr. DeVita (who did my communion) and Fr. Brinker (who did my confirmation). I personally think they need to rethink the way they work around there.

St. Kilians had many of the same rules, I didn't need to get a written permission though from any vendor and they were nice about it. That is the reason why I wrote my earlier post. But now seeing who you are dealing with I know the attitude you are getting from them, and I wish you the best of luck.

I am 23 and I'm guessing you are 22 so maybe we know each other I know your picture looks familar!

Best of Luck on your planning!!!

And I totally suggest that you look into Suny Famingdale's Rose Garden for pictures! It basically is a great secret and you will be so close!!

07052002 Posted: Jan 16, 2003 07:50 PM

Re: My meeting with the preist and the churches RULES!!!!!!

Ps. Fr. Gentleman isn't at St. Kilians anymore.. sorry any brides that are in that parish.. He got transferred to St. Bernards and Holy Trinity right after our orginal date and came back to St. Kilians just to do our mass.