so, my MOH lives in Rhode Island. i have not seen her since our e-party in June...i have been trying to get in touch with her for the past 3 months, i leave her messages at least once a week, and she has yet to return my phone calls. i got one message back in october, but i could barely understand her, all i got out of the message was that they moved and everything is all crazy-which i completely understand. however, she still hasnt called me back, and my dresses need to get ordered this week! FH says i should just call her and leave a nasty message saying 'if i dont hear back from you at the end of the week that i will assume you want no part of our wedding' which just seems kinda harsh to me. i couldnt imagine having anyone else be my moh. i dunno what to do..any advice...thanks girlies!!
happygirl07
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Tough one Maureen. Can you contact her via e-mail?
Honestly, probabaly if I were in your postion, I would attempt talking to her once again and if not I would leave her a message - not a nasty one- that you have been forced to have someone else.
Good luck.
LaurenF
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
i agree that that's a pretty harsh way to kick her out of the bridal party!!! i would call her and leave a message that you understand that she has things going on in her life right now that are very important, but the wedding is very important to you and you would hope it would be somewhat of a priority for her (i mean, if she's the MOH, she must be pretty close to you and you'd hope she'd be interested in your wedding!!!). tell her that wedding planning and especially dress shopping is very time sensitive and you've been reaching out to her to no avail so that she can get her dress. tell her that if she doesn't think she can dedicate any time to the planning of your wedding, perhaps it would be best for both of you if she attended the wedding as a guest but not as a member of the bridal party.
MJDoc12
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
sorry to hear you're going thru this...BUT i think your FH has kind of the right idea, but not quite in that tone.
your previous msgs have not worked. so i would call AND email and say 'I realize things are hectic for you, BUT i have been trying to contact you for some time, to no avail. because i can not get you by phone and speak with you properly, i have no choice but to leave a msg saying that if i you don't call me by XXX , i won't be able to order a dress for you, and i will assume you do not want to be in the wedding. i really want you to be there cause i asked you to be my MOH, but the lack of communication has forced me to go this route. i hope you contact me'
diplomatic--yet to the point!
KellyS15
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
I would call her and leave a message (does not need to be nasty). Tell her that there are pressing issues that need to be resolved for the wedding and as your MOH you need her help. If she does not get back to you, I would call again and explain to her that if there is too much going on for her right now, you understand, but then she needs to understand that you need to choose someone else as your MOH to support you.
These situations suck, I know! Good luck!
maureen519
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Thanks ladies...well i left her a message yesterday, ill wait it out and see if she calls me back..i emailed her but got some wierd error message that i need to be on her 'approved list of contacts' so she can accept my email, so who knows if she even got it. its just so frustrating bc when i was her MOH i was there for her for so much, and i feel like she has not played any role at all so far... thanks for the advice your girls are the best
butapecan3
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Hi date twin....
I wouldn't leave her a nasty message, but i would say something like ' Hi how you doing, haven't heard from you in a while.....i really need to get these dresses ordered by xx date, if i don't hear back from you by then, then im going to have to order them without you'
maureen519
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
yea...i left that message yesterday. i was thinking that i can go there and get myself measured, because we are just about the same size, and then order the dress like two sizes bigger, just in case...but then if shes not in the wedding i would have an extra dress laying around.
MJDoc12
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Posted by maureen519
yea...i left that message yesterday. i was thinking that i can go there and get myself measured, because we are just about the same size, and then order the dress like two sizes bigger, just in case...but then if shes not in the wedding i would have an extra dress laying around.
no way! i know you want to have her there...but don't go thru the hassle of ordering ANOTHER gown, paying for it yourself, and then finding out that she has no intention of being in the wedding and has been dodging you!
i know you want her to be there and be a good friend, but i would seriously consider that she is going an inconsiderate friend, and may actually be TRYING to get you to kick her out of hte BP. it's easier to be kicked out, than actually have the balls to say 'i don't want to do it!'
maureen519
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
I guess deep down i know your right..i just have to realize it. just totally baffles me, and hurts.
shelby34
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Hey date twin....I am sorry you are having this issue. I think that they mean phone call is not totally necessary. I think that if you maybe try e-mailing or writing a letter just to try a new method of communication, that might work. I would also call and tell her that this is really hurting you and that you value her friendship and want her by your side on your wedding day. But, you feel like she does not want to be a part of your wedding. Maybe ask her if she is too busy and does not want to be in the wedding....give her an out, I guess. Good luck!
IlianaR
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Sorry to hear you are going through this tough time but I do think that MJDoc 12 has the right idea.
Best of luck to you!
danielle19755
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
I would try leaving her one last final message letting her know while you understand that she may have a lot going on, you yourself are on a timeline that you need to stick too.. Let her know to please get back to you by the end of the week, or you will have to choose someone else to be you MOH. Tell her its not something you want to do, but for time issues you have no choice.. I understand that you cant picture anyone else being your MOH, but if she doesn’t come through by the end of the week, I would choose someone else.. You don’t need further stress..
StarryEyedBride
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Posted by danielle19755
I would try leaving her one last final message letting her know while you understand that she may have a lot going on, you yourself are on a timeline that you need to stick too.. Let her know to please get back to you by the end of the week, or you will have to choose someone else to be you MOH. Tell her its not something you want to do, but for time issues you have no choice.. I understand that you cant picture anyone else being your MOH, but if she doesn’t come through by the end of the week, I would choose someone else.. You don’t need further stress..
I agree. You have enough going on and don't need to be dealing with this. It may hurt, but you'll be happier having someone who is truly supportive standing next to you on your day
Future Mrs.
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
This is tough....can you call her and leave a message just calmy (not mad) letting her know the urgency of the situation?
This is a personal decision, but if it were me, I'd leave a nice message letting her know how important, timely, and urgent this is. If you don't hear back from her by the time the weekend is done..........I would just ASSUME that she cannot/doesn't have time to be in the wedding THen, just go on without a MOH.
If she comes back later, you can explain that you just assumed she didn't want to be a part of it. I am sure that her life is very busy....but she can certainly call you at the very least to tell you that she either can't be the moh, OR doesn't have the time for the dress and ask you to take care of it for her. But that is just my opinion
heatherandrichie
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Could you call her mom or DH? Mail her a letter (today), so she has no excuse. GL
maureen519
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Thanks again ladies for all the advice. I would call her mom, but she moved out to new mexico, and i have no idea how to get in touch with her, and i dont have her DH's cell number..i even tried to track down her brothers on myspace, but no luck there. I think im going to take all of your advice, give her one last phone call to try, send her a nice long letter, and if it turns out the way i think it will, i always have my SIL
mskittynj
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
That's tough. Life can be crazy for many of us sometimes. But if she is your MOH she SHOULD be getting back to you. Leave her a nice message saying you are worried you haven't heard form her and that your dresses need to be ordered and you would like to hear form her asap! If no answer then I would leave her another 'meaner' message! lol good luck! XOXOXO Kitty
PegaLega
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Re: My MOH issue...not sure what to do-pretty long
Youre in a tough situation. Me, I have no patience for other people-I know Im bad. I would definitely leave her a message (it does not need to be nasty) and tell her that its the last time you are going to try and get in touch with her, that dresses need to be ordered this week and if you have not spoken to her by the time it is done you are sorry but she will not be a part of the wedding party.
