My Mom thinks weddings are a waste of money. She yelled at me for having it on a Saturday night June. She said I should go out to dinner and then just donate the money I would have spent on the wedding to charity. Needless to say she has not been involved with any planning. She doesn’t care about my dress or the reception hall or anything. If I tell her anything, she’s just like “Oh, that’s nice.”
Part of the reason that she is so uninvolved is that FI and live together and we moved to Los Angeles for his job this year. She is very against living together before marriage.
I am just really sad because she really doesn’t care about any of the planning and I see other moms who are so excited and involved in the planning.
I tried talking to her, but we always end up fighting.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent.
PS If you have a story about your mom being TOO Involved, that might cheer me up.
Hamptonsbride06
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
my mom got married at city hall..so she never got to do all of this..shes a lunatic! i love my mom, dont get me wrong, but i just cant take it anymore. sometimes i forget whos wedding it is. shes told me on more than one occasion that if i do not get the style dress that she wants me to get, that she wont even come! hope that makes you feel a little better
JPC1125
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
sorry but My mom was the same way
She even told me to 'go hang myself' because I was wasting all our money on our wedding.
Its been better now that I have a full time job but I was far from broke when she started this huge fight. Everytime I tried to get her involved, shed make a snide comment
even now, my entire family - mom dad and bro- make comments like 'we cant wait till the stupid thing is over'
Makes me feel real loved but Im enjoying the planning and waiting in spite of that because I REFUSE to let anyone or anything ruin my very special day thats 8 years in the making!!!
Keep you chin up and ALWAYS turn to the LIW ladies to vent and share! We love all our fellow brides and brides-to-be!
littlebookworm4
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
I'm so sorry that she's making this difficult. You'd think that a mother would be happy for her daughter if it's what makes her happy.
Blu-ize
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
I can give you hugs
Also, I know many people have the idea of living together is living in sin and that may be her upbringing. Mom my was not happy when we moved in together. I told her that we needed to see if we were compatible. It was a load of BS back then, but looking back I'm so glad we did it. It really taught us how to live with each other. I think it was the best idea we ever had.
Try to take joy in the wedding planning. Maybe an aunt or cousin can fill the gaps for you to share the excitement. We are all here for you and will cheer you and your FH on as you plan your wedding.
Leaving her out of it will eventually get to her. She will eventually have to get over it. She loves you or she wouldn't be giving you such a hard time about it.
More hugs
Laura&Phil
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
I'm sorry that your mother is doing this to you! I understand parents not believing in spending the money- mine are the same way!!I have family that won't come to my shower bc they don't believe in them! Funny that she'd rather see the $$ go to charity tho...my parents want to see us pay off debt and buy a house...we wouldn't get $$ from his side at all without a wedding so we do better having one and watching our budget...
Everyone's a critic! My FBIL is upset bc he thinks we are being to showy! For a Sat am in FEB!! Mainly bc we have a great cocktail hour and menu and he only had passed hoursderves (can't spell and no patience to look it up! you know what I mean!) and buffet! He makes my FMIL feel guilty and he wants her to give us less money bc my parents can't afford to give as much (and we're still getting 12,000 less then she gave him!! I haven't complained about that! )
You can't win with family! The ppl here are great to chat with tho!! You can make it through, maybe sit with your mom and tell her that supporting you doens't mean that she has to agree with you and you really want her to be happy for you even though it isn't the way she'd do it...
Good luck!
EJSD2006
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
If it makes you feel better, my Mom is TOO opinionated. You'd think it was her wedding all over again! I tried to tell her that I don't want my cousins staying at our house the night before the wedding and she had a fit. She and my father are contributing but FI and I are paying for 95% of it.
However, I'll give you the same advice I got from my cousins wife about weddings that I always keep in the back of my head to keep me sane...IT'S YOUR WEDDING! If you want big and fabulous then by God you should have it! Don't hold back or give in to anyone's requests because you only go around once and you should have a hell of time doing it!!! Get everything that you want. You don't want to look back and have regrets and feel like you missed something.
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
I can totally relate to this!
My mom also has taken very little interest in my wedding. She even told me several months ago to stop talking about my wedding b/c it bores her (this was during an argument we were having, but still!) well she apologized for saying it, but I will never forget it. That hurt me so much!
here is something she has been saying to me since I started my wedding planning 'no one cares about your wedding as much as you do'.
That's why I am so glad I have LIW!
Laura&Phil
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
Just to add...at least she'll attend- my MOH married someone of another culture and religion and her parents weren't going to attend her wedding. Her mom, brother and SIL eventually went to her City hall wedding but wouldn't go to the other ceremony with the reception (the next day)....she was so upset that she didn't allow her DH's family to attend the City Hall wedding- they were at the other one held the next day!! And they are the supportive ones! Go figure.
It could always be worse!! Hang in there!!
Soon2BeMrsS
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
kbeana24
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
Im sorry - my mom was similar. She didnt criticise as much as she was totally uninvolved. She couldnt be bothered in helping me plan. She dragged her feet with even little things - like finding a dress for herself. Then the day of she was critical of several things - like the types of pictures the photog took. If she wanted to be involved in the planning SHE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED.
JCam695
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
Posted by Soon2BeMrs.S
ditto!
Annette, hang in there!
My mom lives in FL so she can't really help me plan at all anyway. I had to ask her to come up to NY to help me look at dresses, she didn't even offer. I can't complain because she is helping us financially with the wedding.
Hope the weather in LA is better than it is here, it's been raining for days with no end in sight.
mclane
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
I adore my mother, but she and I are soooooooooo different, and her tastes are so opposite of mine. We've fought about almost everything, so I just don't involve her anymore. It hurts me to do that because I've always wanted to plan my wedding with her, but she makes it next to impossible, and that saddens me. Then she told me that her wedding was one of the most miserable days of her life because she did everything the way her mother wanted it and nothing was her choice. Go figure.
hang in there.
alioop4282
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
My mom is not very into my wedding either. She acts like she can't be bothered. A few weeks ago I wanted her to go dress shopping with me and she didn't want to go. She only went because my dad would not give me a blank check to go shopping unless she was with me to supervise my spending. Sometimes I really can't stand her..I know it mean to say but she is so negative about everything. I totally understand what you girls are going through. The only person who has been 100% supportive is my dad. He has gone to all the vendors with me so far. My mother didn't even go to see the hall until AFTER my dad booked it for me. I try to let it not bother me but I find myself getting upset a lot. She only cares about what she's going to wear at my wedding. When I try to bring the wedding subject up we either winf up fighting or she only talks about what she's going to wear and how beautiful she's going to look. Makes me sick.
roxyspark
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
Thanks ladies for your support.
I feel a lot better today.
PegaLega
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
My mom is the same way-she called to congratulate us and that was really it. She hasnt been involved at all and while it is a little upsetting all it does is give me leeway to do what I want. Alot of people believe that living together before marriage isnt ok-and while that is their opinion me and FH have lived together for 4 years...and while people are upset about it-I personally think living together these days IS important. You dont know someones habits until you live with them. JMHO
Good Luck-dont let it bother you...ot upset you...enjoy it and lean on a friend that you know will be there for you, thats what I do!
smurray
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
Posted by roxyspark
Thanks ladies for your support.
I feel a lot better today.
I'm glad to hear
lulugrrl
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
Posted by roxyspark
My Mom thinks weddings are a waste of money. She yelled at me for having it on a Saturday night June. She said I should go out to dinner and then just donate the money I would have spent on the wedding to charity. Needless to say she has not been involved with any planning. She doesn’t care about my dress or the reception hall or anything. If I tell her anything, she’s just like “Oh, that’s nice.”
Part of the reason that she is so uninvolved is that FI and live together and we moved to Los Angeles for his job this year. She is very against living together before marriage.
I am just really sad because she really doesn’t care about any of the planning and I see other moms who are so excited and involved in the planning.
DITTO all of this, my mom said it was a HARD decision to even COME to the wedding, and discouraged me from inviting many of my old friends, as she felt I would STUMBLE them and their religious beliefs because I am living with my FH and not following my religious upbringing.....Gee don't I just feel so honored that she will come to the wedding...GRRRRR
kam0813
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Re: My mom doesn’t care
I know how you feel. Before I got engaged, she kicked me out of her house, so I had to move in with my FH and his parents and they've been nothing but wonderful. But when I got engaged and told my mom...she just looked at me, looked at the ring, and just very flatly said 'its pretty'. And that was honestly the last time I talked to her. She wants nothing to do with me and could care less that her only daughter is getting married. My FMIL was more excited about the engagement than my mother was. Its extremely heartbreaking. My dad and step-mother are hesitant because they aren't sure what's going to happen and if i'll even get married. That doesn't bother me so much because I understand how they feel, weddings get canceled every day.
But keep your chin up. If you need to vent we're here for you, you can FM me anything, I'm always on here, its like crack!
