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This time, she went too far. Currently we have 156 people on our guest list. Approximately 90 of those are our family and her large group of friends (dads poker buds, mom’s mah jong friends). My FI is not close with his dad, but his dad called us and asked if we would invite his two brothers and one sister (6 total, with guests) to the wedding and told us he would make a “financial contribution” to the wedding. I called my mom to speak to her about it, as she has become a total dictator regarding my wedding (she is paying) and she told me absolutely not. The final count is done (wedding is in July) and there will be no additions regardless of the fact that my FFIL is paying for his people. She told me that FI has already invite 55 people and that he only gets 1/3 of the list and no more. She started screaming about what an a$$hole my FI is and how he “has a lot of nerve” ... “taking advantage of her guest list”. Oh and that she will not have an “Irish wedding” (FI is Irish and I am Jewish) and that is that. She told me she won’t give me the wedding that she doesn’t care about me and that she would just as soon “have me out of her life” and she called FI one bad thing after the next. I can’t take this. I had to take sleeping pills to calm me down, my eyes and nose are swollen from crying, I am so miserable I don’t know what to do. FI and I have spoken and he wants me to dismiss my mom from my life and we will go into some debt with the wedding but we will invite who we want and it won’t cause us to fight. I don’t know what to do. Please tell me this is feasible.... catering hall has minimum of 75 people. 100 pp +tax and gratuity. Photographer is 3500 and band is 6000. My dress is 1600, HM is 7300. If we limit our list to approx. 90, can we do this? His dad said he would contribute between 8-10k possibly, although I am not soo comfortable with that. We need flowers and invites. I have 10k in savings and he as approx. 10k in savings. Can we do this? Help me, please. Also give hugs. Thanks so much.
Posted by PrincessRose
You can do it, but I'd rather not see you lose all your savings over this. The flowers and invites can be done inexpensively. If you forego table flowers, you can save even more.
Your Mom has a lot of Chutzpah, that's for sure. I had a similar problem with my mom for the first week or so of engagement (although nowhere NEAR as bad as yours is). I sat down on the phone with my parents (they were in CT, I was on LI) and I told them that Adam and I were perfectly happy to postpone our wedding as long as necessary to save up for it, and that they wouldn't need to pay for anything at all. It was then that they decided to compromise, and then I proceeded to plan the whole thing myself.
I don't know that that would work on your Mom, though. She seems to be pretty upset about your choice to marry a non-Jew. However, I don't even know that she'd be any easier to deal with if you were marrying Schlomo Lipschultz.
What about your Dad? Can he be reasoned with? Can you change your honeymoon plans (because that's gonna be the worst expense)? I think you should accept your FFIL's contribution. It's not like you asked, he offered, and you do need the help. Maybe this is an opportunity for your FH to become closer to his Dad.
ETD: I didn't notice the band part - DEFINITELY change that to a DJ. I think it's absolutely feasable for you to get your guest list down once you cut out all the Mah Jongg Mavens and Poker Buddies!!!!!!!!!!!! If I were in your position, I'd cut all your parents' friends from the list, only invite the family *you* want to invite, and tell them all sorry, but your mother isn't helping with the wedding costs and so you had to cut the list.
A million hugs to you. I hope you can get through this time. My friend had a similiar experience with her mother. She said that her engagement and wedding planning was the worst time of their relationship. Try and hold on, I hope things can get better and I hope your mom can learn to have a more open mind and loving heart. You can do it yourself if you want, it is def financially possible. Heck, we'll start up a LIW collection fund for brides in crazyass moms!
Posted by FallBride05![]()
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I think you can absolutely do this... I know you don't want to go into debt to have your wedding, but with your FFIL's contributions and what you have in savings, it's absolutely possible. And there's a good chance you can make it up in wedding gifts or come close. We just about broke even with our gifts.
The stress your mother is putting on you is unacceptable, the time leading up to your wedding is supposed to be enjoyable (yes a little stressful, but not like this)![]()
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Posted by PrincessRose
You can do it, but I'd rather not see you lose all your savings over this. The flowers and invites can be done inexpensively. If you forego table flowers, you can save even more.
Your Mom has a lot of Chutzpah, that's for sure. I had a similar problem with my mom for the first week or so of engagement (although nowhere NEAR as bad as yours is). I sat down on the phone with my parents (they were in CT, I was on LI) and I told them that Adam and I were perfectly happy to postpone our wedding as long as necessary to save up for it, and that they wouldn't need to pay for anything at all. It was then that they decided to compromise, and then I proceeded to plan the whole thing myself.
I don't know that that would work on your Mom, though. She seems to be pretty upset about your choice to marry a non-Jew. However, I don't even know that she'd be any easier to deal with if you were marrying Schlomo Lipschultz.
What about your Dad? Can he be reasoned with? Can you change your honeymoon plans (because that's gonna be the worst expense)? I think you should accept your FFIL's contribution. It's not like you asked, he offered, and you do need the help. Maybe this is an opportunity for your FH to become closer to his Dad.
ETD: I didn't notice the band part - DEFINITELY change that to a DJ. I think it's absolutely feasable for you to get your guest list down once you cut out all the Mah Jongg Mavens and Poker Buddies!!!!!!!!!!!! If I were in your position, I'd cut all your parents' friends from the list, only invite the family *you* want to invite, and tell them all sorry, but your mother isn't helping with the wedding costs and so you had to cut the list.
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