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This time, she went too far. Currently we have 156 people on our guest list. Approximately 90 of those are our family and her large group of friends (dads poker buds, mom’s mah jong friends). My FI is not close with his dad, but his dad called us and asked if we would invite his two brothers and one sister (6 total, with guests) to the wedding and told us he would make a “financial contribution” to the wedding. I called my mom to speak to her about it, as she has become a total dictator regarding my wedding (she is paying) and she told me absolutely not. The final count is done (wedding is in July) and there will be no additions regardless of the fact that my FFIL is paying for his people. She told me that FI has already invite 55 people and that he only gets 1/3 of the list and no more. She started screaming about what an a$$hole my FI is and how he “has a lot of nerve” ... “taking advantage of her guest list”. Oh and that she will not have an “Irish wedding” (FI is Irish and I am Jewish) and that is that. She told me she won’t give me the wedding that she doesn’t care about me and that she would just as soon “have me out of her life” and she called FI one bad thing after the next. I can’t take this. I had to take sleeping pills to calm me down, my eyes and nose are swollen from crying, I am so miserable I don’t know what to do. FI and I have spoken and he wants me to dismiss my mom from my life and we will go into some debt with the wedding but we will invite who we want and it won’t cause us to fight. I don’t know what to do. Please tell me this is feasible.... catering hall has minimum of 75 people. 100 pp +tax and gratuity. Photographer is 3500 and band is 6000. My dress is 1600, HM is 7300. If we limit our list to approx. 90, can we do this? His dad said he would contribute between 8-10k possibly, although I am not soo comfortable with that. We need flowers and invites. I have 10k in savings and he as approx. 10k in savings. Can we do this? Help me, please. Also give hugs. Thanks so much.
You can definately do it. Cut down the list and pay for it yourselves. I wouldn't want your mom paying for it because she is just going to hold it over your head. Tell her that your paying for it and none of her friends are invited I bet she'll change her mind!
Posted by LisaJill
Thank you all for your support.
I have never been such a wreck before.
I have already had to leave my office twice today and run in the bathroom to cry.
My father has tried to call me, but I am tired of this nonsense drama. Six of his FAMILY members (a total of $600) should not cause my mom to be sooo cruel, especially when she is driving around in a fancy car and she has NEVER worked. Why cause me such pain. I will not let her do this.
My FI and I have had a recent convo about maybe getting married on our HM (in Hawaii) and then maybe just having a party when we get back. I already ordered my dress and there are deposits on everything. we have also already sent out STDs but let my mom explain to her buddies why we are not having a wedding. I am so depressed. She has always used her money to control me and since our engagement it has been worse.
I am really thankful for you guys. I don't know what I would do today if I did not read all those kind messages. I feel like I have really lost my mom but I am lucky that there are people that care.![]()
Posted by TheBigDay
I say add'em anyway, Does she have to know till day of? is she that in control of list you cant plug in those guests when the list is due to the reception hall??? If need be talk to the RH ahead of time and tell them you are paying for those guests seperatly so your mom doenst know ... she'll probably never notice with all that goes on the wedding day
Good luck!
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