My mom is driving me BONKERS!

So, out of NOWHERE yesterday - my mom decides to start with me about my BP. She says she has to 'get something off her chest' that has been bothering her. So, usually when people say that they are NOT going to REPEAT something they have said A MILLION TIMES ALREADY. She told me that she 'can't sleep' because SHE feels so terrible that my niece is not in the wedding. My brother's daughter will be ALMOST two when I get married and I felt that was too young. While I never actually 'apologized' to my brother and SIL, they seem okay with it. Actually they asked if they could have a swatch of the pink my girls are wearing so they can have the baby match! But no, my mom SWEARS they are just 'heartbroken' about this. Now here is the thing - I ALMOST feel like giving in but THEN FH has a niece the same age and I would feel obligated to include HER.

Then she starts with the fact that I don't have a RB. At this point she has tears in her eyes. I have one nephew - and he is autistic. He is an amazing little boy BUT walking down the aisle and taking pictures all day? He will totally freak out and I just want him to be happy and relaxed all day! If he is forced to be a RB for the ceremony he will probably not make it to the reception bc he will get VERY stressed out! I want him to be there for the whole day! My sister TOTALLY understands this and SHE mentioned it to ME before I said anything about it.

NOW here is the best part. My mom says she has a confession to make. She is 'ashamed and embarrassed' by my BP. Here in America, everyone has big BP - and she is so embarassed that I am having a small one. She thinks it will look 'pathetic' and people will wonder why I have no friends. She is worried what people will think! Only large BPs look elegant and mine won't. At this point - she is crying and just 'trying to make me understand how this makes her feel'

HAVE YOU EVER IN YOUR LIFE HEAR SOMETHING SO STUPID?

THEN she starts with the fact that my sister is not in my BP. My sister is almost 40 and has 2 kids. . . I was considering her for MOH and she was like 'please dont make me wear a dress and be a BM again' LOL Plus financially - she couldn't afford it right now.

Now as I type this I am rationally thinking about how insane my mother is. BUT when she tells me how ashamed she is of my BP? I lose my mind - i was hysterical last night.

Ok thanks - vent over!

sorry matilde I think your mom just has an old school way of thinking and you are up to date with the times. Do what you want, your mom will learn to live with your decision, you're a big girl!

from what i understand just remember where your mom comes from, her family background, her history, and what all the weddings she was invovled in were like

did your sister have all these things that seem to be 'missing in her eyes' in her wedding??

just remember she is your mother and she really is saying this out of love for you,and as a human being nobody wants to feel crappy (no matter how silly the reason)

thanks girls

actually the funny thing is in Italy there are only two witnesses, one male and one female and they wear whatever they want.

This is her image of an 'American Wedding' or i should say an 'Italian - American Wedding'

I dont want her to be upset - but - i also dont want to start throwing people in either.

Also, my sister had a different situation - my mother was not attending until two weeks before the wedding. . . so she was NOT involved in ANYTHING for it and was actually not speaking to my sister for about a year - so i understand this is her first ever involvement in the planning part and i love to include her BUT she is soooo dramatic - at least i know where i get it from!

wow I think your mom would defiantly hate me then, cause my BP is all guys ... I think a smaller BP will look intimate, that you only want really really close people up there standing next to you. Now I could see her getting upset about not having your sister as one of your BM, but if your sister doesn't want to, then I don't understand why she would be mad. Also your reasoning for not having the little autistic boy as your RB, I think is very nice of you, because you don't want him to be stressed out, and to be able to enjoy the entire day.. I know a guy who I work with, his little boy is also autistic, and he gets so nervous and stressed when hes getting his picture taken alot at all of our work functions...

I think you just need to sit down with your mom and tell her your reasons for why your doing certain things, and hope she understands. and if she doesn't, well its YOUR day !!

I'm sorry Matilde I don't know how old your mom is and I don't mean to get personal or anything, but maybe she is going through menopause? I know when my mom went through menopause she would get mad and upset over the stupidest things - it was like she was a different person.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Your BP and reasons for not having certain family members is totally understandable.

I hope things workout with your mom - stay strong

OMG, sorry about that! you know mothers are crazy...I swear, they get crazier with age my mom is such a drama queen!

---

Posted by megzzie

I'm sorry Matilde I don't know how old your mom is and I don't mean to get personal or anything, but maybe she is going through menopause? I know when my mom went through menopause she would get mad and upset over the stupidest things - it was like she was a different person.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Your BP and reasons for not having certain family members is totally understandable.

I hope things workout with your mom - stay strong

---

thanks so much - and trust me THAT ship has sailed . . . my mom had me when she was 35 - she hit menopause when i hit puberty. . . THOSE were the worst years of my life - it was WAR every day in hour house LOL

---

Posted by kimNanthony

my FH mother is from Italy and she too thinks that the bridal party should be large and have everyone included. We have all of our siblings, my brothers fiance's, and counsins on his sides. We have 9 people each because that's just how they do it in their family, you have to include cousins, etc so I just went along with it. For me I didn't really care, the more the better! But if you are comfortable with your decision try to explain where you are coming from to your mom. The sister thing I can see where she is coming from because personally I need to have my brothers in my BP or it just wouldn't be complete to me.

---

yeah the sister thing is the part that i DO understand - and sometimes i really feel sad about not including her. But we are really open with eachother and have talked about it - so while it still makes me sad i THINK i am making the right decision there. .

What bothers me the most is NOT that she doesnt agree with me - we dont agree on many things.

It is that she is ASHAMED by my BP - i just dont understand where shame would come in???

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by megzzie

I'm sorry Matilde I don't know how old your mom is and I don't mean to get personal or anything, but maybe she is going through menopause? I know when my mom went through menopause she would get mad and upset over the stupidest things - it was like she was a different person.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Your BP and reasons for not having certain family members is totally understandable.

I hope things workout with your mom - stay strong

---

thanks so much - and trust me THAT ship has sailed . . . my mom had me when she was 35 - she hit menopause when i hit puberty. . . THOSE were the worst years of my life - it was WAR every day in hour house LOL

---

I hear ya - my mom went through it when I went through puberty too and our house was crazy

---

Posted by ant n tilde

---

Posted by kimNanthony

my FH mother is from Italy and she too thinks that the bridal party should be large and have everyone included. We have all of our siblings, my brothers fiance's, and counsins on his sides. We have 9 people each because that's just how they do it in their family, you have to include cousins, etc so I just went along with it. For me I didn't really care, the more the better! But if you are comfortable with your decision try to explain where you are coming from to your mom. The sister thing I can see where she is coming from because personally I need to have my brothers in my BP or it just wouldn't be complete to me.

---

yeah the sister thing is the part that i DO understand - and sometimes i really feel sad about not including her. But we are really open with eachother and have talked about it - so while it still makes me sad i THINK i am making the right decision there. .

What bothers me the most is NOT that she doesnt agree with me - we dont agree on many things.

It is that she is ASHAMED by my BP - i just dont understand where shame would come in???

---

Yea that is a really difficult situation. In the end it is your wedding and as long as you are comfortable with he decisions you made that is all that really matters.

oy... MY mom starts in with me about HAVING such a big BP...

I've come to the conclusion that moms are just here to make us crazy.

[[[breathe]]]]

your brother & SIL should be HAPPY youre not having their 2 year old in the wedding... they dont have to buy a dress!

I have a new nephew and a new niece on the way but thankfully they will only be about 4 months old when i get married (hehe too little)

hang in there <33

Matilde, don't give in and don't make your mom make you feel bad. You have rational and logical (VERY logical) reasons as to why you're doing things regarding your BP the way you are.

I'm sure your mom is amazing, but when my mom goes off on random things like this, it's usually because she's bored. Maybe your mom is bored

---

Posted by AMGBride2008

Matilde, don't give in and don't make your mom make you feel bad. You have rational and logical (VERY logical) reasons as to why you're doing things regarding your BP the way you are.

I'm sure your mom is amazing, but when my mom goes off on random things like this, it's usually because she's bored. Maybe your mom is bored

---

so true - she doesnt work anymore but my dad works more then ever - boredom DEFINITELY has something to do with it. . .good call!!

My mother had a problem with me not including at least one person from every 'family' in our family as to not make anyone feel excluded....

It's now turned into an uncomfortable nightmare....fighting with her and then giving into her on a few occasions is making things kind of su ck. I'm in the process of trying to rectify the situation and bring it back to what I want and not what she wants/

My point being....don't let people (even your mom) force/guilt trip you into including people especially since it seems that the people you haven't included seem okay with it. It just becomes a mess and you don't want to resent your mom for making the situation uncomfortable.

Your italian right>>>??? Well thats an Italian mother for ya lol! They are all set in their ways..its funny because these things to them are Life threatening...lol...

Just dont know how to resolve it. lol sorry she is drivin ur bonkers

Oh man, Tilde!

That stinks. I don't understand why she would be 'ashamed' though....I mean, what is there to be ashamed about?!

The worst words that my mom can say to me are: 'I'm ashamed of you' and 'you disappointed me.' When I hear that I get so upset! So I understand why you were upset. Maybe ask her about it when you are both calm and level-headed?