So, out of NOWHERE yesterday - my mom decides to start with me about my BP. She says she has to 'get something off her chest' that has been bothering her. So, usually when people say that they are NOT going to REPEAT something they have said A MILLION TIMES ALREADY. She told me that she 'can't sleep' because SHE feels so terrible that my niece is not in the wedding. My brother's daughter will be ALMOST two when I get married and I felt that was too young. While I never actually 'apologized' to my brother and SIL, they seem okay with it. Actually they asked if they could have a swatch of the pink my girls are wearing so they can have the baby match! But no, my mom SWEARS they are just 'heartbroken' about this. Now here is the thing - I ALMOST feel like giving in but THEN FH has a niece the same age and I would feel obligated to include HER.
Then she starts with the fact that I don't have a RB. At this point she has tears in her eyes. I have one nephew - and he is autistic. He is an amazing little boy BUT walking down the aisle and taking pictures all day? He will totally freak out and I just want him to be happy and relaxed all day! If he is forced to be a RB for the ceremony he will probably not make it to the reception bc he will get VERY stressed out! I want him to be there for the whole day! My sister TOTALLY understands this and SHE mentioned it to ME before I said anything about it.
NOW here is the best part. My mom says she has a confession to make. She is 'ashamed and embarrassed' by my BP. Here in America, everyone has big BP - and she is so embarassed that I am having a small one. She thinks it will look 'pathetic' and people will wonder why I have no friends. She is worried what people will think! Only large BPs look elegant and mine won't. At this point - she is crying and just 'trying to make me understand how this makes her feel'
HAVE YOU EVER IN YOUR LIFE HEAR SOMETHING SO STUPID?
THEN she starts with the fact that my sister is not in my BP. My sister is almost 40 and has 2 kids. . . I was considering her for MOH and she was like 'please dont make me wear a dress and be a BM again' LOL Plus financially - she couldn't afford it right now.
Now as I type this I am rationally thinking about how insane my mother is. BUT when she tells me how ashamed she is of my BP? I lose my mind - i was hysterical last night.
Ok thanks - vent over!
ant n tilde
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Re: My mom is driving me BONKERS!
thanks for all the responses girls - you all make me feel a lot better!
i really have to get to the bottom of this whole 'ashamed' thing though. . .i almost DON'T want to bring it up again - so maybe if she starts again I will ask her then!
Kurtsk8
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Re: My mom is driving me BONKERS!
Ugh, that's the worst! I am so sorry. I understand what you're going through if it's any consolation? My brother & sister both got married in '07 and she wasn't involved at ALL, yet complained about everything. And now for my wedding she is upset that my FH's parents are helping us pay it! It's like she doesn't want to help, but doesn't want anyone else to either. She doesn't want to talk or hear anything about it. She won't even go dress shopping with me, but screamed at me when I told her I was going with my FMIL. It's basically a lose lose situation, but regardless, it's heartbreaking knowing that you want your mother there by yourside and she's making it a difficult situation instead of a fun & exciting one. I do have to say that I am very lucky to have an absolutely amazing FMIL, so that helps!
AND I can relate to the niece/nephew drama. My sister is expecting ANY day now and called me up at work yesterday crying that her and her husband are upset that I haven't included their son/daughter. I was like..IT IS AN UNBORN CHILD..WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO ABOUT IT? I mean we'll see what goes on next summer, but as of now I can't decide anything, am I right? Some people agree with them & some don't, but it stinks to know they are upset over something ridiculous!! it's not like the kid is going to be upset that they weren't included!! So I don't know what to tell you there..
as far as a RB goes..I am going to tie the rings to my dog's collar and have someone walk him down the aisle..I got a lot of heat for that too!!
and the small bp thing? Mine is small too...why ask people to be a part of your wedding that you're not closest to? Keep it to the people who mean most to you and your FH.
Bottom line...this is your wedding & probably the biggest day of your life!..chances are you've dreamed of it since you were a little girl and you should do what makes YOU happy. Stop worrying about everybody else...eventually everything will fall into place.
Hope this helps,...sorry to ramble..
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mom is driving me BONKERS!
Posted by Kurtsk8
Ugh, that's the worst! I am so sorry. I understand what you're going through if it's any consolation? My brother & sister both got married in '07 and she wasn't involved at ALL, yet complained about everything. And now for my wedding she is upset that my FH's parents are helping us pay it! It's like she doesn't want to help, but doesn't want anyone else to either. She doesn't want to talk or hear anything about it. She won't even go dress shopping with me, but screamed at me when I told her I was going with my FMIL. It's basically a lose lose situation, but regardless, it's heartbreaking knowing that you want your mother there by yourside and she's making it a difficult situation instead of a fun & exciting one. I do have to say that I am very lucky to have an absolutely amazing FMIL, so that helps!
AND I can relate to the niece/nephew drama. My sister is expecting ANY day now and called me up at work yesterday crying that her and her husband are upset that I haven't included their son/daughter. I was like..IT IS AN UNBORN CHILD..WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO ABOUT IT? I mean we'll see what goes on next summer, but as of now I can't decide anything, am I right? Some people agree with them & some don't, but it stinks to know they are upset over something ridiculous!! it's not like the kid is going to be upset that they weren't included!! So I don't know what to tell you there..
as far as a RB goes..I am going to tie the rings to my dog's collar and have someone walk him down the aisle..I got a lot of heat for that too!!
and the small bp thing? Mine is small too...why ask people to be a part of your wedding that you're not closest to? Keep it to the people who mean most to you and your FH.
Bottom line...this is your wedding & probably the biggest day of your life!..chances are you've dreamed of it since you were a little girl and you should do what makes YOU happy. Stop worrying about everybody else...eventually everything will fall into place.
Hope this helps,...sorry to ramble..
wow thanks for the long post!!!
sorry you are experiencing a similar situation but it helps to know that i am not alone!!
that is SO CUTE with your dog i wish we could do that!!!!
08JulyBride
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Re: My mom is driving me BONKERS!
about your sister - if she doesn't even want to participate (i think you mentioned an expense issue), could you have her tell your mom that?..
Would you consider including the 2 year old nieces on a 'maybe' or honorary basis? Let them wear a flowergirl dress and next year see if they're actually up for it on the day of (that day's mood), or have an older flower girl hold their hand down the aisle and have someone ready to get them in one of the front rows... if you don't think they'll walk down the aise well enough when it gets closer, at least your mom & brother & SIL would be happy by putting them in the dress as honorary flowergirls.. plus for the posed family pictures, they'd be in the cute dresses..
Thats what I'm planning on doing for one of our nieces that by our wedding will only be 1½.. at the very least she'll be in pics with a cute flowergirl dress.. Oh, and I'm in the same boat with - if you include 1, then you have to include the other.. I have 4 flowergirls at the moment (ranging from age 1½-8) and may be adding on another..
ant n tilde
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Re: My mom is driving me BONKERS!
Posted by OneButafly
about your sister - if she doesn't even want to participate (i think you mentioned an expense issue), could you have her tell your mom that?..
Would you consider including the 2 year old on a 'maybe' or honorary basis? Let her wear a flowergirl dress and next year see if she's actually up for it on the day of (that day's mood), or have an older flower girl hold her hand down the aisle and have someone ready to get her in one of the front rows... if you don't think she'll walk down the aise well enough when it gets closer, at least your mom & brother & SIL would be happy by putting her in the dress as an honorary flowergirl.. plus for the posed family pictures, she'd be in the cute dress..
Thats what I'm planning on doing for one of our nieces that by our wedding will only be 1½.. at the very least she'll be in pics with a cute flowergirl dress..
Actually i never thought of this but my brother asked if she could wear a pink and white dress like the flower girls - and of course i would love for her to do that!i think it will look too cute in the pictures - as for being an official 'flower girl' THEN i would have to include FH's niece since she is the same age - and i dont want to open up all new problems with that. . .
and my sister HAS told my mom that. . . my mom has selective hearing
thanks for the ideas though!!!!!
Belongs2DanBuckley
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Re: My mom is driving me BONKERS!
I TOTALLY understand...I'm from a big family too and I HAD TO have my older cousins in my BP....my aunt already started in with me about not having her DAUGHTERS (there's 3) as flower girls b/c I was hers....in big families- especially close ones...you cannot please everyone...they'll always ***** about something...the fact is...ITS EXPENSIVE...that's more ppl that have to get flowers and gifts and blablabla...
If she's footing the bill then yeah I would say throw em in, what's the worst that could happen, but as for your nephew...i totally agree...its NOT going to be a good day for him and it might actually traumatize him...its not fair...roll with it...if you guys are paying for everything its ultimately your decision...don't stress...it'll work itself out....
ILOVEBRIAN2008
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Re: My mom is driving me BONKERS!
omg my mom is nuts too!! its almost comforting to read everyones responses about their own family ..no matter what just realize that its your day and u make the final decisions. i mean theres no reason to have a bigger bridal party jsut cause she thinks it looks better..cause its who you are close with and who u want there standing by your side..and if your sister doesnt want to be in the wedding and your niece wasnt expected to be in it..these are your choices and just explain to her about why you made those choices and that it will be a great day regardles of all these things cause it will be the day you get married!
