My mom is making everything hard!

Is anyone else having trouble with their mom? I'm not getting married for a year and half and she is making me hate the whole wedding planning experience. The first fight was not getting married in a Church- I understand her point but it's not what my fiance and I want to do. Then she made me register at Macy's even though we're not having an engagement party and she did my registry before I got there! She's trying to make it her wedding from the centerpieces to the lighting, etc. I hate the whole experience and it upsets me when we fight. I try to have patience but she had her wedding already it's my turn to do it how I want..but she's making it impossible. I know she wants the best for me but she's making it very hard for me to enjoy any part of the process.

Am I overreacting with how I feel?

My mom is making everything hard!

Is she paying for a big portion of your wedding? B/c if not, she has no say and she shouldn't be 'making' you do anything.

Maybe just let her know that you appreciate her opinion but you and FH want to do what makes both of you guys happy.

My mom is making everything hard!

You're not overreacting at all. This isn't the first time I've heard of moms trying to make their daughter's wedding a recreation of their day, but they have to take a step back and realize that it's NOT their day!

Is she contributing to the wedding financially? It's always harder to put your foot down when parents foot a lot of the bill, but you need to sit down with her and make her understand why you want to do things a certain way. And why it's NOT okay to do your registry for you.

Maybe if she sees that you're trying to involve her and asking for her opinions before she even gives input, she'll back off a little when she realizes that you're in control?

My mom is making everything hard!

She's paying for part of the wedding but she is making the process difficult. Everything with her is a fight lately - I can't take it. It makes me not want to even talk about my wedding until I have to- I should be excited about everything not upset all the time.

My mom is so sensitive. If I try to talk to her about certain things she gets mad and upset. There is no winning here for me.

My mom is making everything hard!

My mom is the being the same way. You are not alone. My mom is trying to take over everything and starts fights for no reason over the wedding and even the engagement party. She was planning our engagement party and she said I have no say in it because they are paying for it. It makes me so upset and it makes me not want her involved. I feel like she is trying to be the bride and re-live her day.
I am still having trouble talking to her about it because she is sensitive too. I am going to still involve her, but I think I need a break sometimes. My FMIL is more supportive than my own mom.
I would say just try and talk to her about it or maybe just don't involve her as much.
It is a hard situation!

Re: My mom is making everything hard!

You don't understand how much better I feel about everything after reading this. My FMIL is the exact same way. I do have to be more patient with my mom but it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who gets upset with their mom!

My mom is making everything hard!

My mom is actually being good. Its Fmil that is driving me crazy.

My mom is making everything hard!

My mom isn't trying to make any decisions for me, and has actually stepped back. I know it's hard to imagine, but I'm jealous of you. My mom doesn't understand wedding culture, and the role she is supposed to play as MOB. She wants me to rent a dress, doesn't understand why I threw an engagement party, and can't see why we wanted a band instead of a DJ.

We just had a disagreement the other day about rehearsal dinners and bridal shower. First, I told her that we may not do an actual 'rehearsal', therefore we wouldn't have a rehearsal dinner, but we were thinking about having a BBQ or something the Friday before our Sunday wedding. She doesn't understand why we have to have another event, it's just more money we have to lay out.

Then, in regard to the bridal shower, I just don't know if my BMs are going to foot the bill. I think that since 3 of them are traveling from out of town for my bridal shower, bachelorette party and wedding, it's a lot to ask for them to then lay out money for the bridal shower. So I mentioned to my mom that I'd like her to consider paying for some of it. Well, she didn't agree, and we had a whole argument, and her answer was 'well I guess you're not having a bridal shower'. Which I know she didn't mean, but it still hurt.

I wish my mom was overly into this. I wish that she wanted to help so much that I had to ask her to stop helping. I wish that she understood that, as a bride, I don't want to miss out on an experience just because of other peoples' circumstances. I know it probably seems horrible to you, but feel lucky that she wants to be so involved. Just talk to her and tell her that although you appreciate her enthusiasm, you need her to take her cues from you and not take the initiative on anything you don't ask her to. But don't be mad at her for being excited, as hard as that may be.

Hope this helps!!

My mom is making everything hard!

What I have learned from my watching my sister go through this process is that the wedding is about you and your FH( apparently that means future husband). Anyway, my mother is paying for a large portion of the wedding but I am paying for flowers, photography, etc.

What I am doing and I swear it's working so far is that when I went for the flowers, the photography, I made it all about my FH and I. I didn't even invite my parents which I saw my sister did (and caused drama). Just keep reminding yourself who the wedding is for and making it a beautiful process by sticking to that!

My mom is making everything hard!

daria! you are tearing up these boards ! i love it <3
i think your mom is very excited - did you try explaining how you feel to her? you have so so much time! don't be stressed right now especially since you guys have time to make the right decisions on vendors, flowers, etc. it should be about you and pat!!
(btw, daria and i are friends!)

My mom is making everything hard!

OMG Cristina ahah too funny we should get Michelle on here too!

My mom is making everything hard!

I think it's important to remind yourself that it's coming from a good place. I know from firsthand experience it can get a bit difficult at times with their meddling, but it's only because they are super excited. We are lucky our moms want to be this involved! I think at this point it is just about drawing boundaries and making certain parts off-limits. It may be difficult in the moment but it will definitely help in the long-run.