my mother.... and fh

so yesterday FH and I had to babysit his nephews and niece, when his brother and sil got home we were talking wedding (and honeymoon )
well FSIL has gone dress browsing with me in the past and honestly I loved going with her. she's beyond honest and she has an amazing eye!
well she offered to go again, but she asked why I don't take my mother.. i laughed at her.. a mean laugh. FH got mad.
I explained that my mother has RA so she can't really help me like try on and carry and stuff. and she's negative. like worse than me. well FH decided to tell FSIL and FBIL that i am the most negative person ever (no, my mother is!!!).. and that i should just **** it up and blah blah blah!... well here's my issue:

my style dress:



HER style:


I like strapless with a BIG poofy skirt and lots of details in the bodice and at least a chapel length train.
she HATES strapless dresses, HATES tulle, HATES poof, and could care less about the train, she says they get in the way.

now we've discussed her going with me. I told her once I find THE dress and a back up she'll be there to help me make my final decision. she asked if I'd try on some dresses she liked cause I might like them... I told her it depends. I won't try on a halter (she's said I should TRY it.. um no) I wont try on anything too tight (mermaid/trumpet/etc- actually I have, it didn't feel right to me) and the neckline has to fit a certain way...

so my mother understands that she'll be going with me AFTER I find the one.... (i know its mean)... but FH is pushing that I take her everytime... now WHY would I want to do that? she and I will just fight and I'll cry and freak out and storm out and be too embarrassed to go back.

so what do i do?

Why don't you just take your mom and try on dresses she likes to make her happy? Just because you try them on doesn't mean you have to get them. Who knows, *maybe* you will like a more fitted style..........or *maybe* she'll change HER mind about the fitted style.

When I was trying on gowns, my sister was dying for me to try on a mermaid gown that was on the mannequin. I didn't want to at all, but I did it just to shut her up and make her happy. The second I put it on, we both knew it wasn't right for me. And what did I lose?? A whole 5 minutes????

What's the harm in trying them on??????

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Posted by Lsorrent

Why don't you just take your mom and try on dresses she likes to make her happy? Just because you try them on doesn't mean you have to get them. Who knows, *maybe* you will like a more fitted style..........or *maybe* she'll change HER mind about the fitted style.

When I was trying on gowns, my sister was dying for me to try on a mermaid gown that was on the mannequin. I didn't want to at all, but I did it just to shut her up and make her happy. The second I put it on, we both knew it wasn't right for me. And what did I lose?? A whole 5 minutes????

What's the harm in trying them on??????

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my sister made me try on ball gowns... and the same thing happened neither of us liked it...

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Posted by Lsorrent

Why don't you just take your mom and try on dresses she likes to make her happy? Just because you try them on doesn't mean you have to get them. Who knows, *maybe* you will like a more fitted style..........or *maybe* she'll change HER mind about the fitted style.

When I was trying on gowns, my sister was dying for me to try on a mermaid gown that was on the mannequin. I didn't want to at all, but I did it just to shut her up and make her happy. The second I put it on, we both knew it wasn't right for me. And what did I lose?? A whole 5 minutes????

What's the harm in trying them on??????

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I agree. What will it hurt to just go with her and try them on to make her happy----- plus there is a chance might be surprised. Had a similar but oppsite situation as Lsorrent. My sister wanted be to try on ball gowns and i was so against it but I did it to make her happy----and i ended up with a ball gown! She was so right and i would have never tried one on without her pushing me.

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Posted by AngnShaun

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Posted by Lsorrent

Why don't you just take your mom and try on dresses she likes to make her happy? Just because you try them on doesn't mean you have to get them. Who knows, *maybe* you will like a more fitted style..........or *maybe* she'll change HER mind about the fitted style.

When I was trying on gowns, my sister was dying for me to try on a mermaid gown that was on the mannequin. I didn't want to at all, but I did it just to shut her up and make her happy. The second I put it on, we both knew it wasn't right for me. And what did I lose?? A whole 5 minutes????

What's the harm in trying them on??????

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my sister made me try on ball gowns... and the same thing happened neither of us liked it...

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My mom made me try on a ball gown which I'm 100% against. It took a few min and it made her happy. And I tried on one dress I hated that was mermaid but it looked like I had scales and was a fishy! But it was a battle I let her win. It wasn't worth fighting about.

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Posted by Lsorrent

Why don't you just take your mom and try on dresses she likes to make her happy? Just because you try them on doesn't mean you have to get them. Who knows, *maybe* you will like a more fitted style..........or *maybe* she'll change HER mind about the fitted style.

When I was trying on gowns, my sister was dying for me to try on a mermaid gown that was on the mannequin. I didn't want to at all, but I did it just to shut her up and make her happy. The second I put it on, we both knew it wasn't right for me. And what did I lose?? A whole 5 minutes????

What's the harm in trying them on??????

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ITA
I do NOT want to wear a veil, but my mom really wanted to see me in one, so I did it.

Then she and others I was with starting to pick out more veils for me, and when they saw that I was unhappy and didn't feel like a bride in one, they let it go.

honeslty trying on different styles was the smartest thing I did. I knew 100% what looked best on me. Yes some I laughed at when I walked out of the dressing room but it was all part of the experience.

You're mom having RA shouldn't matter. The women at the salon carry the gowns and put you in them. I don't see how the 2 even relate?

There are something in life we all do to make others happy. If my Mom (especially if she were sick) asked me to try on the ugliest gown in a store I would still do it. I am her daughter and although this is 'our time' she has waited just a long.

oh no, see I have no problem TRYING them on to please her... I have a problem with the fact that she's sooooo.. stubborn. even if a dress looks HORRIBLE on me she wont admit it.
she'll fight me over it, thats just how she is. even if I HATE it and would rather not get married than wear it, she'll still push it. which will just lead to more fights, thats why I'd like to hold off on those fights till closer to the wedding.

heck, my prom- I found the most AMAZING dress.... I was SOOOOO inlove with it. well, what did I wear to prom?
NOT THAT ONE!
I wore a dress we 'compromised' on... again I wanted a full dress, tight in the bodice, dropped waist etc. well I got an A line empire waist... the only thing that I got that I wanted- strapless... but to this day (um... lets see 8 years ago) she still reminds me that it was strapless and how I should have went with her style.


I'm so ready to just say eff it and have everyone else plan everything. FH can find the rest of the vendors, my bms can pick whatever freaking dress they want, my mother can pick out my dress... I give up!

I just re-read this and I think there might be another reason FH got mad. By typing, 'well she offered to go again, but she asked why I don't take my mother.. i laughed at her.. a mean laugh. FH got mad' it kind of sounds like your airing your dirty laundry that's b/t you and your mom to FSIL. She is your family yes.. but she's not your mom's family so there might be things you wanna keep to yourself.
If it were me and FH did that I would think, 'gee... if she says this about her mom to other people I wonder what she says about me'

I MIGHT be reading too much into it but that might be something to think about to.

I can 100% understand her being negative and that being a reason you don't want to go with her, believe me. That is KIND OF a reason, but saying she has RA is more of an excuse.

JMO

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Posted by AdriandSteve

I just re-read this and I think there might be another reason FH got mad. By typing, 'well she offered to go again, but she asked why I don't take my mother.. i laughed at her.. a mean laugh. FH got mad' it kind of sounds like your airing your dirty laundry that's b/t you and your mom to FSIL. She is your family yes.. but she's not your mom's family so there might be things you wanna keep to yourself.
If it were me and FH did that I would think, 'gee... if she says this about her mom to other people I wonder what she says about me'

I MIGHT be reading too much into it but that might be something to think about to.

I can 100% understand her being negative and that being a reason you don't want to go with her, believe me. That is KIND OF a reason, but saying she has RA is more of an excuse.

JMO

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yea I kinda wrote that wrong.. it wasn't like an evil laugh, it was more I found it funny (there's a lot of back story that I'm not getting into). FSIL and I are close- like REALLY close. and I left a lot out of the dialogue. FH got mad because I said I wanted to take my mother LATER and not to EVERY try on. and that caught me off guard, he's usually not pushy about wedding planning and my mother. he was actually involved in his own conversation with his brother and jumped into our conversation so he only heard bits and pieces and was on attack mode.

and as for my mother's RA- that has always been her excuse, not mine. initially she didn't want to go with me because of it.