My mother is driving me nuts

So to start off, I am paying for my wedding by myself. We have not asked for money and no one has offered. My parents paid for me to go to private college and I could never ask for more. FH's family helped him out of bind recently so we don't expect anything from the either. And That's fine. I get the control this way. Or so I thought. FH has a large family, tons of first cousins, and we have to invite all of them or else wars will be started. My family is not so big, as a lot of who we are inviting live in FL and won't make the trip. So my mom thinks this gives her carte blanche to invite her friends. Now keep in mind, there are a number of my friends and FH friends we are not inviting to keep #'s down. I've alienated half my office because I am not inviting anyone from here. But my mom wants me to invite these women she's been friends with for less than a year. It's only 3 women, so 6 in total with guests. But keep in mind my mom sometimes makes these fly by night friends. They take advantage of how nice my mom is and then they turn out crazy in the end. It's happened so many times over the years and I told her all this but she doesn't care. So I relented. But I told her I am not sending them save the dates. The invite is to be nice, but I don't really want them saving the date. I don't even know them. And from what I've heard I don't like them. I am already inviting about 12 of her real friends.
So she keeps harping on it, so now since I made my own STD's, I ran out of paper, I have to go buy another pack of paper and envelopes to make 3 STD's. So I told her she has to give the money for the paper. And now she's pissed. I have a great relationship with my mom and I don't want to put a strain on it. Everything I've written above I have flat out told my mother and I don't know what else to do. It's not only the $$ I'm worried about but the space. If more people come than we anticipate, then everyone is going to be squashed in. If these people do end up coming, then I'm telling my mother she is going to have to help me pay, not only for the plate but the favor, OOT bag, etc.
I'm sorry this is such a long vent. There's probably no solution to this. I think I just needed to get it out to people who understand. Thanks.

My mom is a 'momzilla' too so no worries. I was told when I first started doing all of the planning that the wedding is more for the parents then it is for us. I didn't believe it at the time but the more and more I plan, the more I realize this is my mom's wedding. I do have control and I do have the last say BUT I get the 'whatever Linda, whatever you want to do' and she leaves in a huff. My situation is slightly different. My parents are giving double then what FH's parenst are giving and FH and I are paying for the rest of it. What FH and I decided to do is that we gave each set of parents a certain amount that was even. If they had to cut people, so be it but they had to stay in that number. My parents ended up going over by about 5 people. I told them this is just going to be a crazy show and we were worried about the space and how many people we wanted (I always wanted like a 100 person wedding but we can't do that because our families are so big, so I want to keep it at our minimum which is 225 and nothing over). My dad offered to pay for the extra people but after telling him that we wanted just less people then that they just made a B list. So each set of parents has 100 people on their guest list. We told them each that if their YES gets UNDER 80, then they can invite more people to bring their list to 80 people but nothing more then that. Maybe that's an idea to swing past your mom and your in-laws. It was a way for us to control the guest list without inviting 300 people.

Good luck! and trust me...I feel you pain with the mom thing!

I agree. At first yes it's ONLY 6 people but you are already inviting 12 of her 'real' friends. Try to stick to your guns as much as you can.

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Posted by AdriandSteve

I agree. At first yes it's ONLY 6 people but you are already inviting 12 of her 'real' friends. Try to stick to your guns as much as you can.

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ITA 6 people is still expensive. Her 'friends' should understand especially if they aren't close to you. I think you and FH should have more of your own friends there.