Quick background...my mom died seven years ago from cancer. My father believes that the treatment she received requested by my mom's sister my aunt, had a side effect that caused the cancer from which she died. My dad and aunt have never really gotten along since then. I do not have a relationship with my aunt. When I told her I was getting married again her response was 'Do you think this time it will work? What makes you so sure, she also said, now I have to get another job to get you another gift.' Need less to say I was hurt and angry by her comment. My response was' your presence is your present' haha trying to laugh off her rudeness. Fast forward to my engagement party in which she came ate and drank. She emails me the next day to say she forgot her card and will mail it. ps.that was june of last year I am still waiting... She then began to write in her email how great it was that my dad was not at my engagement party (he went into the hospital two days before for open heart surgery, you can imagine how upset and nervous I was for him). She continued to say he would have been running around with his shirt open showing everyone his scares. Regardless if her email was suppose to be a joke or not, I don't believe joking about someone's health while they are in the hospital recovering from open heart surgery. She never visited my dad in the hospital or sent him a card. Lastly, she was away for my shower and again did not send a gift or card.
So, fast forward to my invitations, the father of the bride, my dad and the bride, me both made a decision that she would not be included. We are done with her rude behavior. Well, this has caused world war III. Now the family is trying to divide and say they won't come if she is not included.
At this point regardless of the outcome my wedding has been tainted because of her. If I say okay she can come, then my dad and my self will be upset that day that she is there, and others are phony and only there because they WON. If I don't buckle, then half my family won't come and again I will be said that they chose to divide the family. Not to mention I guaranteed a head count that I will not make if half the family doesn't come. So she is not only emotional but financial effecting my day.
I thought the bride and parents got to decide who the guest list was. I am SO hurt by everyone at this point.
Thanks for reading sorry SO long, just needed to vent outside my crazy family.
SOTHISISLOVE53109
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
So sorry to hear about your Mom's passing.
I would def. not invite your aunt, I have 5 Aunts on my sisters side and none of them are coming. I have no respect for them and they have completely divided the family. So for that I don't want them there...it';s my day and I have enough to worry about.
It's your day do what you feel is right in your heart and don't let other people affect your decision. I'm sure your Mom wouldn't want anyone to ruin your day and would love for you to stick with what you feel.
As for you Dad I hope he is well on the way to recovery and to joke about something like that is just not cool.
Good Luck with what you decide...and remember family or friends who wants to be there for you will be!
Nina_m74
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
Wow, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. With her beharviour I wouldn't want her around either.
Honestly, I think if other members of the family were to ocme to me and say 'I won't come if she isn't invited' I would tell them plainly how mean and hurtful she is to you, if they want to be on her side, let them know all of the facts. I'm not usually one for spreading hurtful truths, but sometimes people have to know.
My farther had open heart surgery 2 years, I totally understand that fear, I probably would have cried on the spot if someone had told me they were glad he couldn't attend something because he was in recovery. Seeing my father in that state was the most friehgtening and painful thing I have ever experienced. The woman sounds heartless and I would be very tempted to tell her so.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
AS
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
AWWWWWWW so sorry to hear this, my condolences to you and your family
th24s
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
update...
so my favorite cousin just called me as I knew he would to tell me he is not coming because of his father's request!!
THIS REALLY *****!!!
040508Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
makes you think twice about who your 'favorites' should be....don't keep people close to your heart who will walk out on you when you need them. You do NOT deserve that. Your cousin should grow some balls and show up for you if you guys are that close! A family fight can be resolved...he'll never have another chance to go to your wedding.
th24s
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
update...
I agree about who 'my favorites' should be, unfortunately I do understand were he is coming from. It is his father and the other aunts and uncles who are being mean and bulling the younger generation. He was upset when he spoke to me but it is like I said to him. This is not his day or hers, it is mine and everyones choice will be a reflection of how they feel about ME and I unfortunately will remember this and make my choices in the future based on it.
Colette
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
WOw, how tragic that your aunt and uncle would do that to him, and to you. Incomprehensible. WRITE THEM OFF (even if only for now) -- every major event/party/etc i've ever been to, you know, its the people that are THERE who you remember. Not the ones who are missing!!! I say if they're not there, they have NO CHANCE to ruin your memories of the day!! Let that guide your decision.
And i was feeling all sad for you about the silly aunt and uncle you got, and you know what, I clicked your profile and WOW, you are ADORABLE!!! and look how CUTE your FH is!!! And how cute you are TOGETHER!!!!!
See, I don't feel that sorry for you now!!!!
all the best, I know you'll find the strength you need to deal with this.
LitBallerinaGirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
Yikes! You poor thing!
Snickers76
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
Posted by MJDoc12
so sorry you have to deal with this----but your father and you and i'm sure your FH have made this decision....and you should stick with it and be proud you made it. you shouldn't have a single person there that will 'taint' the day anymore.
as for the family that is threatening to not come---FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK THEM! that whole black mail shiiiit doesn't fly with me and i think its just plain evil to try and make someone feel guilty and say 'i won't go if x, y, and z are there'
if they want your Aunt there, they have their own fuking party!
I totally agree. I would never, ever invite her. She is abusive, rude and will probably try something foolish at your wedding.
mbm698
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
It's your special day. It sounds like having her at your wedding will cause you undue stress and aggravation. If that is the case, then simply stick to your guns. On the other hand, it the stress and aggravation of not having her will be more than inviting her and staying clear of her then have her come. I have a similar situation with someone on my guest list, and I am simply telling my DOC to keep an eye on the person and not let them bother me.. My DOC will be running interference so to speak. Good Luck and enjoy the day. I lost my mom five years ago, and I know it will be tough either way without your mom,
th24s
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
Posted by Colette
And i was feeling all sad for you about the silly aunt and uncle you got, and you know what, I clicked your profile and WOW, you are ADORABLE!!! and look how CUTE your FH is!!! And how cute you are TOGETHER!!!!!
See, I don't feel that sorry for you now!!!!
all the best, I know you'll find the strength you need to deal with this.
Oh my god, thank you, you just made me laugh, and I haven't laughed in three days !!!!!! Yes I know I'm adorable!!!!: Thats really all that matters.
Fara
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
Posted by MJDoc12
so sorry you have to deal with this----but your father and you and i'm sure your FH have made this decision....and you should stick with it and be proud you made it. you shouldn't have a single person there that will 'taint' the day anymore.
as for the family that is threatening to not come---FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK THEM! that whole black mail shiiiit doesn't fly with me and i think its just plain evil to try and make someone feel guilty and say 'i won't go if x, y, and z are there'
if they want your Aunt there, they have their own fuking party!
I totally agree, it also bothers me when other people get invlved! The situation is between you and your aunt and your dad, and the rest of the family should mind their own business whether they agree with your decision or not.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Lot's of luck, it will all work out in the end.
th24s
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
UPDATE...
So I called my grandfather and tried to explain what was going on. He understands my dad's and my decision but it is his son and daughter (my aunt and uncle) and he doesn't now what to do. I again tried to remind him this is 'MY' day not my aunts or uncles and what they are doing is childish. I also explained that whatever decision people make will be a direct refection of their feelings for ME. I don't mind if my uncle is disappointed with our decision, but to recruit and demand your children don't go is just wrong.
So the last thing I said to him before I ended the conversation was it is MY day and if someone wants to be there to celebrate my new life and are happy for me they should come and BE ABLE to come. If they aren't happy for me then don't come! Nothing else matters.
Why do people do this. Why don't they respect peoples decisions, don't they understand that this is not just an emotional thing but they are now f.....king with me financially.
So, fast forward six months later when they are all able to laugh at how ridiculous they were, I will still REMEMBER, how do I go to a function knowing the decision they made on MY day or worst, our family is forever divided.
sorry so long..but as you can see my family is wack and I need to get this out. Thanks for listening/reading...
Pencils
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
It's your wedding. Invite who you want. If others don't want to come because of your choices, then f u c k them!
As far as the headcount goes--see if you can put together a 'B' list of guests. Old friends, coworkers, etc. If you're still low, you know what? It doesn't matter. The minimum isn't that big a deal, really. Think of it this way: you've already set aside a certain amount of money for the reception. That money is gone, poof! If you don't make your minimum, what will happen is your per guest cost will go up, but the amount that you have already put aside is the same. And, if you know a good ways in advance that you're not going to make your minimum, you can always ask for some upgrades from the hall. They may not do it, they already have your money, but they might, you never know.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. But you should be happy on your wedding day, and not have to see someone who makes you angry. Besides, I don't understand why she wants to be there now anyway. If someone told me I wasn't invited someplace, pride would have me saying 'I wouldn't have gone anyway.'
Good luck!
FalNBill
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
Im so sorry to hear about your fam. This is so dis-hearting...... I dont understand why famalies 'take sides' they should remember that this is your day and your decesion! I dont think you should back down from you decesion.... she really sounds rude & you dont need that negative energy at your party.... Is there anyway you can negotiate with your RH?
I hope everything works out for you! Please keep us posted!
Anthonysgirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I think that you should stick to your decision as well. This is supposed to be a fun and exciting time for you and fh and your family is causing you nothing but stress. I would see if the RH will work with you but if not, I wouldn't invite them just to guarantee a specific number of people. You don't want to look back on your day and say 'I really wish they weren't at my wedding.' Good Luck with everything and keep us updated.
th24s
Posted:
Member since
Re: My mother passed away
UPDATE..... So after much consideration, my father, my FH and I stuck to our guns, and decided MY AUNT would not be invited.
I realized I did not want a relationship with anyone who only wanted a relationship with me thru her. My uncle, and three cousins have responded NO.
So, I still await many more NO responses, but finally feel a sense of peace.
I thank you all for your kind words!!!!! I really needed your help! Thanks Ladies.
