My mother passed away

Quick background...my mom died seven years ago from cancer. My father believes that the treatment she received requested by my mom's sister my aunt, had a side effect that caused the cancer from which she died. My dad and aunt have never really gotten along since then. I do not have a relationship with my aunt. When I told her I was getting married again her response was 'Do you think this time it will work? What makes you so sure, she also said, now I have to get another job to get you another gift.' Need less to say I was hurt and angry by her comment. My response was' your presence is your present' haha trying to laugh off her rudeness. Fast forward to my engagement party in which she came ate and drank. She emails me the next day to say she forgot her card and will mail it. ps.that was june of last year I am still waiting... She then began to write in her email how great it was that my dad was not at my engagement party (he went into the hospital two days before for open heart surgery, you can imagine how upset and nervous I was for him). She continued to say he would have been running around with his shirt open showing everyone his scares. Regardless if her email was suppose to be a joke or not, I don't believe joking about someone's health while they are in the hospital recovering from open heart surgery. She never visited my dad in the hospital or sent him a card. Lastly, she was away for my shower and again did not send a gift or card.

So, fast forward to my invitations, the father of the bride, my dad and the bride, me both made a decision that she would not be included. We are done with her rude behavior. Well, this has caused world war III. Now the family is trying to divide and say they won't come if she is not included.

At this point regardless of the outcome my wedding has been tainted because of her. If I say okay she can come, then my dad and my self will be upset that day that she is there, and others are phony and only there because they WON. If I don't buckle, then half my family won't come and again I will be said that they chose to divide the family. Not to mention I guaranteed a head count that I will not make if half the family doesn't come. So she is not only emotional but financial effecting my day.

I thought the bride and parents got to decide who the guest list was. I am SO hurt by everyone at this point.

Thanks for reading sorry SO long, just needed to vent outside my crazy family.

Oh man..Im sorry this is happening,....its YOUR wedding...in ten or 20 years are you going to care if she was there? My first wedding..everyone is invited..I wanted to amke everyone happy...now its my second and I dont give a crap who gets hurt...Im keeping it just people I REALLY want there..i know that souns harsh..but its about me and my fiance getting married...I dont want any negativity. You and your future husband make the decision...its your wedding. hang in there...

Oh wow, that’s tough stuff. I would say that maybe a big sit down with the family could help, but it sounds like she’s pretty out there. In the end, I guess it’s up to you with what’s more important: having all the family be there but also having the aunt, or missing half the family? Either way, it’s such a horrible situation to be in for your wedding!

i am so sorry you are going through this! it i so true that weddings bring out the worst in people.

i cannot emphasize this enough:

THIS IS YOUR WEDDING!!!!!!!!!

please, do not invite her. it sounds like you have been hurt by her ernough. i have a feeling that if you do not invite her, you will have the wedding of your dreams, your father - whom you obviously care about - will be happy, and those family members that don't show? they have their priorities seriously screwed up.

i am in a somewhat similar situation... but it was my father's choice not to invite my aunt (his sister) and the only person who might have objected (his mother) passed away 2 years ago.

i wish you all the best, i cannot imagine how hurt you are. good luck!

I am so sorry to hear that! Family can be the biggest of burdens sometimes....
You don't want bad vibes around you on your wedding day! Do what you think is right and if people have problems with that after you explain to them the situation then they show their tru colors!

I wish you the best with this hard decision!

Good luck!

I am so sorry you have to go through this!!! It is totally up to you if you want her there or not. Just remember that you can tell who your true friends and family are at times like these. If that part of the family doesn't want to come because she is not included then why would you want them there? They obviously don't care how you would feel and to me that means they shouldn't be considered family!!!! I understand you won't make your guaranteed amount but is that really a reason to invite people to your wedding?
Good luck in whatever decision you make!!!!!

Have you tried sitting down with one person on the side that doesn't want to come, one reasonable person who could speak to everyone else and make them understand where you are coming from? Good Luck and so sorry you have to go thru all of this.

I am so sorry that something like this is taking away from the fun of your wedding planning!!!!!

My theory has always been go with your gut. I personally wouldn't invite her. The people who matter to you most and those that love you unconditonally will be there, regardless of whether or not she is. No one should ever put you in a position of without this there is no that.

First off, I'm sorry you had to go through losing your mom to a terrible disease. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you and your dad and I'm glad that the 2 of you are close. You need to do what's right for you and for the closeness you 2 share. It sounds to me like your aunt is a loose cannon and should not be invited, and whatever family you have that wouldn't come if she wasn't invited doesn't really seem to care about you. You want your wedding day to be special and happy, not stress-filled. And you also don't want your dad to be upset.

Re. the head count - do you have a B-list of friends you would have wanted to invite but couldn't because of all the family? Can you invite more friends or coworkers if the family decides not to come? You might want to think about putting one of those together just in case.

You lost your mom and your dad lost his wife, and your family responded with drama instead of compassion. IMO, your aunt doesn't deserve an invite and you're better off without any of the 'phonies.'

Its your wedding. If you don't make the minimum your hall will most likely throw in some extras since you have to lay out the money anyway. Do what you and FH think will make your day the happiest!

Geez.
First, my condolences on your mom's passing, I know you will miss her on your big day.

Second, SKIP THE AUNT.
You have too much evidence as to what to expect - At BEST, you will spend the day nervously waiting for the auntbomb to drop OR playing peacemaker between her and your dad. And that's the best-case scenario.

At WORST, well, God only knows what kind of drama she'll create. IMO you've worked too hard for this day to let this unbalanced woman spoil it for you.

And all the 'family' members who threaten not to come if you don't invite her? Well, then, THEY DON'T WANT TO BE THERE ANYWAY, and this provides a convenient cop-out.

I know this sounds punitive but honestly, her behavior leading up to it really screams 'I AM NOT HAPPY FOR YOU!' What earthly reason would there be to invite her?

so sorry you have to deal with this----but your father and you and i'm sure your FH have made this decision....and you should stick with it and be proud you made it. you shouldn't have a single person there that will 'taint' the day anymore.

as for the family that is threatening to not come---FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK THEM! that whole black mail shiiiit doesn't fly with me and i think its just plain evil to try and make someone feel guilty and say 'i won't go if x, y, and z are there'

if they want your Aunt there, they have their own fuking party!

Thank you all for your thoughts and kind works. I guess the thing that is really upsetting me is not so much the other aunts and uncles who want to choose her side, but my cousins who are also being forced to choose. My mom's brother my uncle, who is also my godfather, told his children, my cousins they have to stick by their aunt. My cousin is beside himself and also caught in the middle. I don't want him to get into a fight with his father over this.

My father made a decision a couple of months ago that it was either her or him at functions. My sister had a birthday party for her son, and did not include her. My brother had a birthday party for his daughter and didn't include her. I am having a wedding and decided not to include her, why the drama!!!!!!

As I sit here and the days pass I get more and more mad, who is she, who are they, to do this. If she wasn't invited and she know my father's wishes and knows why she wasn't invited to their parties, why is mine such a big deal and if it was a big deal, why not call me or my dad to try to work things out instead of trying to divide the family.

That's a horrible feeling. Im sorry but it's your day and how would your mom feel about her sister treating you and your dad this way. I say forget her and the family that are missing the point. They obviously dont want to be there or it wouldnt matter. Good Luck but regardless of your decision dont get down on yourself.

oh man...i dont know. If that was me i wouldnt invite her and say screw everyone else who doesnt wanna come! i am sure you will make your head cont. Remeber alot of people are full of hot air when they are angry i am sure even if they say they wont come they will. Dont ruin your day!! do what you want so you have a happy day! If certasin family members dont wanna come because of this then i guess you will see how much you mean to them!

I am not inviting my mothers sister and her kids ( they are all grown) because of a family thing we have had going on and i know its gonna cause a problem and i dont care!) i will fill those seats with people who want to be there! and if they decide to show up anyways i will show them the door!!! cause thats me lol love me or hate me!

i hope it all works out for you! let us know how it goes