My parents havent seen eachother in 20 yrs

My parents havent seen eachother in 20 years and refuse to be at the same place at the same time what do i do about my wedding day i want my father to walk me down the isle but my mom wont go if that happens and my dad wont go if my mom is there what should i do????

After 20 years they can't put their differences aside for your day?

I would sit them down and explain that they choose to have you, you did not choose to be born. They made a commitment as parents and it is unfair to make you choose now. Let them both know this is one of the most important days of your life and they are ruining it for you.

I am so sorry that you are faced with such a difficult dilemma on what should be your day.
Is there any close relative that could speak to both of your parents on your behalf and say that they need to put aside what ever differences they may have for one day and be there to support you?

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Posted by lsiliato

After 20 years they can't put their differences aside for your day?

I would sit them down and explain that they choose to have you, you did not choose to be born. They made a commitment as parents and it is unfair to make you choose now. Let them both know this is one of the most important days of your life and they are ruining it for you.

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Well said. I completely agree!!! So sorry that they are putting you in this predicament. Hope things work out for you.

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Posted by vmystique33

My parents havent seen eachother in 20 years and refuse to be at the same place at the same time what do i do about my wedding day i want my father to walk me down the isle but my mom wont go if that happens and my dad wont go if my mom is there what should i do????

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I think that is the most inconsiderate thing for your parents to do, shame on them. My parents do not get along either but they will deal with it for my wedding. If I was you I would tell both of them ' I want you both to be there and I will be devistated if either of you refuse to show up'

I am so sorry they are doing this to you.

first
THat is really sad. You are going to have to tell them both that you love them and you want them there, but this is your day and its going to happen regardless if the put their differences aside. Just let them know how much it means to you and that its really upsetting.

I am sorry!

Unfortunatelly, all the advise in the World may not help you.

My parents can't stand each other. My mom could not go to my sister's wedding. My sister's In-Laws organized a brunch for her the morning after.

My dad is not coming to mine. My mom is coming.

I know that sounds crazy but sometimes it's just hard to 'raise' parents.

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Posted by lsiliato

After 20 years they can't put their differences aside for your day?

I would sit them down and explain that they choose to have you, you did not choose to be born. They made a commitment as parents and it is unfair to make you choose now. Let them both know this is one of the most important days of your life and they are ruining it for you.

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I couldn't have said it better myself!

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Posted by sr081906

I am sorry!

Unfortunatelly, all the advise in the World may not help you.

My parents can't stand each other. My mom could not go to my sister's wedding. My sister's In-Laws organized a brunch for her the morning after.

My dad is not coming to mine. My mom is coming.

I know that sounds crazy but sometimes it's just hard to 'raise' parents.

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That is so sad, I hope to never put my children in that position. So selfish

I was in a similiar position. My parents had not seen each other in 9 years. And when I first got engaged they both promised to be there, nicely

but I wanted them to see eachother before the wedding, so for a year i begged them to see each other.

They finally did a week before the wedding

Honestly I would tell them if you can not just behave & get along for the most special day in MY life then please do not come. I would really rather have you there but I can not and refuse to choose between my parents.

Im sorry they are doing this to you

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Posted by N.Y.bride

Honestly I would tell them if you can not just behave & get along for the most special day in MY life then please do not come. I would really rather have you there but I can not and refuse to choose between my parents.

Im sorry they are doing this to you

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I agree-if they can't put their junk aside for a day, they shouldn't come. I would tell them that and let them decide whether or not to come.

shame on them for doing that....sorry to sound harsh--but you gotta take a stand and tell them to s*ck it up and GROW UP!!!!

don't you DARE let them blackmail you! if one won't be there cause of the other--well that's what i consider blackmail. you tell your mother that no matter WHAT happened between them--he is your father and you want him to walk you down the aisle. if she can't accept that--then she is forgetting that this is NOT about her and it's about you.

if you father says he won't walk you down the aisle if your mom is in the same room--you tell him the EXACT same thing!!

i think it's the absolute most selfish thing to try and make YOU feel guilty and demand that one is invited and the other isn't. they are NOT even CONSIDERING your feelings!!!!!

i hope you can work this out--but remember--NO ONE...and i mean NO ONE has a right to dictate the rules for your wedding--and that certainly includes your parents.

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Posted by StreetDoc6531

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Posted by lsiliato

After 20 years they can't put their differences aside for your day?

I would sit them down and explain that they choose to have you, you did not choose to be born. They made a commitment as parents and it is unfair to make you choose now. Let them both know this is one of the most important days of your life and they are ruining it for you.

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Well said. I completely agree!!! So sorry that they are putting you in this predicament. Hope things work out for you.

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Wow...I have nothing to add. They should not put you in this position...it's very selfish.

I am in a similar postion. Parents haven't seen each other for about 20 years as well. There are other complications with stuff and my relationship with my dad, but basically, my mom is walking me down and my dad is just being invited as a 'guest'. Surprisingly, my dad is taking it better than my mom. My mother has already threatened the 'I'm not going if he's there' line. I put it in black and white for her. I explained that she is my mother, I love her and want, more than anything, for her to be there and walk me down the asile at the MOST important day of my life. But I told her that if she cannot deal with seeing my dad for 1 day and she feels that she cannot come, then that will be her decision. A decision that will break my heart and a decision SHE will have to live with for the rest of HER life.

I wholeheartedly understand your position. Please believe me when I say that. However, from my experience, it is better to make it cut and dry for them. They need to make the decsion ........ they're pointless bickering or their daughter. I hope they choose you!!!

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Posted by MJDoc12

shame on them for doing that....sorry to sound harsh--but you gotta take a stand and tell them to s*ck it up and GROW UP!!!!

don't you DARE let them blackmail you! if one won't be there cause of the other--well that's what i consider blackmail. you tell your mother that no matter WHAT happened between them--he is your father and you want him to walk you down the aisle. if she can't accept that--then she is forgetting that this is NOT about her and it's about you.

if you father says he won't walk you down the aisle if your mom is in the same room--you tell him the EXACT same thing!!

i think it's the absolute most selfish thing to try and make YOU feel guilty and demand that one is invited and the other isn't. they are NOT even CONSIDERING your feelings!!!!!

i hope you can work this out--but remember--NO ONE...and i mean NO ONE has a right to dictate the rules for your wedding--and that certainly includes your parents.

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Excellent point!!!

I am so sorry that they are doing this to you and I hope it all works out in the end! I would invite them both (do not decide one over the other) and let them decide whether or not they want to come. Hopefully they will both grow up and put aside their differences for the day for you and FH!

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Posted by Meaghan729

tell them to call me - I would love it if both my parents could be at my wedding - but my father passed away from cancer - and my uncle/godfather, who was supposed to walk me down the aisle, died of a heart attack last week, leaving behind three little girls under the age of 10. Tell them to stop being selfish, that they are lucky to be with you on your special day.

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I am sorry to hear that!