My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

My sister in law has gone too far! I was originally only inviting her cousin and her husband because we like them alot.Well, my SIL called my mom & said that her mom really loves me and wants to come too. Ok, so we added them on for her. Well, 2 nights ago I get a call from my brother saying that his wife doesn't know he's calling but to please invite her sister because it would make life easier for him & he doesn't want the sisters feuding.Fine, I said but no kids. Her sister cannot bring her son because no kids are coming except our immediate family.Now I find out that my SIL called my mom yesterday morning hysterically crying because her sister isn't invited and how could I do that to her. Mind you, I have never been invited to anything of theirs (wedding,parties,christenings) but thats ok,right! I never say a word. My mom doesn't want me to say anything & just pretend it didn't happen. I am furious. My SIL is a selfish B----! This is not her day and she's making it all about her. I will never look at her the same again.I can't believe she's causing such problems.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

My brother is blind (not literally). She gets everything she wants and apparently she's getting her way with us too. Me and FH are furious! We lost all respect for her! Now I see what she's made of. I am also mad at my brother for lying to me for her. And of course I know that my shower invitations are out because how else did she know that her sister wasn't invited. The wedding invitations haven't gone out yet.She is ruining everything for us. I can't believe someone would stoop that low.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

so sorry to hear that the SIL is causing you to be stressed. Stand your ground, and let them know where you stand on the issue. It is all about you and your FI not her. You guys are paying and you should invite who you want. It will all work out, try not to be too stressed. Happy planning

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

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Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

I agree with shamma and aug, stand you ground.. this is your day and do not allow this b**** to ruin it for you... who cares what she thinks.. god I can;t stand people like that..

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

I am sorry to hear that you have to deal with this issue. It is truly unfortunate how weddings tend to bring out the worst in people! I remember when I was planning how forward some people were about wanting to be invited, etc. Those were the people that did not attend my ceremony, and left my reception very early - why did you bother to come then??

This is so hard b/c it's your BROTHER's in-laws and not yours. Can you discuss this with your brother?? If not, than my advice is just let it go. Obviously, it will change your relationship with your SIL, but at least now you know her true colors. It's not worth the aggrevation, and you cannot let this spoil your planning and fun before the wedding.

The most important thing to remember is that you have a FI that cares about you and supports your feelings. Focus on that!
Best of luck to you!

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Just ask her this: is she smoking crack?! Serioulsy though, I would say to her that as much as you would love to have her family there (grunt, grunt)for you on YOUR day, you are on a budget, and if she would like them there, she is more then welcome to pay for their plates...

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

I feel like I got screwed over, big time. I already had her mom on the guest list for like 2 months because she made such a big deal to my mom that her mom really wants to be invited. Now obviously her mom got my shower invitation so I can't not invite her now. Now I got screwed into inviting her sister because the rest of her family is coming.I fell right into her trap! I like her family but was never close with her sister. Her sister & me just don't have alot in common. We are totally different people.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Exactly my thoughts - whose wedding is it anyway??? Set this girl straight right now or she will be pulling these stunts for the rest of your life.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

I don't like being played like this. I always got along with my SIL and can't believe she's doing this to me and Jimmy. She should have talked to me and we could have discussed it from the beginning. She needs to be a woman & stop creating a mess and getting the whole family involved with her issues. My brother needs to be a man and stop letting his wife wear the pants. This B---- is also part of my bridal party. Lucky me! I want her to know that she is wrong. I want her to know that obviously my shower invites went out.Thank you for ruining that for me too!

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Will your FH say anything to her?

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Fran, we agree with you 100%. If my mom wants us to just let her win so that the family doesn't feud, where do you draw the line? PS. My birth father is very ill and can't make the wedding so obviously his friends won't be invited now. I was inviting some of them for him. So thats what my brother used as an excuse to invite her sister.He said we should have room now. What &^^%& nerve of them. We left some of our own friends off because we can't have everyone but we have to make room for her family. Me and Jimmy are furious with them! I am so angry, I'm shaking. I only slept 5 hrs.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Tell your brother that you would be more than happy to invite them (SIL's sister, etc.) if he's willing to pay for those plates. Otherwise, like all the other girls said, stand your ground!

My FH's father and mother come from large familys (7 siblings on both sides, which means Kevin, my fiance, has a lot of aunts, uncles and cousins.) He basically told his father who we were inviting and who we weren't. If he hasn't heard from any of the relatives in 5 years, why should invite them!?! So we told his parents that they are more than welcome to invite them, if they wish to foot that part of the tab. Needless to say, his father was 'ok' with 'our' list.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

FH wants to have a few words with her. I told him not to. I said that we need to get our heads together. FH is a very good man who is very angry at her for hurting me like this. He said to my mom last night on the phone 'I am angry that someone would do this to Sue.She doesn't do anything to anybody.And I don't like seeing her hurt like this.SIL is wrong and your son needs to be a man and take his skirt off (saying he's a wus). It is true though. My brother is so whipped. His wife has him running circles for her.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

I really would like SIL to explain herself to me.What gives her the right to invite all these people? I've never been invited to any of their functions. I see these people once a year. I would like to say that I can't believe she would do this to me! THIS IS ABOUT ME! NOT HER! I think she owes us a HUGE apology. I am having a problem keeping silent. She is wrong here. Someone needs to tell her. She doesn't scare me. I don't like her talking and complaining behind my back.I want to tell her to be a woman and talk to me face to face.If she has a problem with me, she needs to take it to ME! what do you think?

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

As I told you today on UW. Just call your SIL and say that you are sorry but you left off some of YOUR friends and now you will be inviting them instead. Also, you are on a budget and 'what is a few extra' people is not a fair come back on her part either.
Your brother was coming to you because he is getting sh__ at home about this. Just tell her that you thought it over and made the decision. You hope she can respect that this is your wedding.
But if you are inviting her Mom and cousin I can see why the sister assumed she was being invited. If the shower invites are already out, then you cannot take back those invites but do not get bullied. If it wasn't a big deal to you I would say to leave it alone but since it is so important to you stand your ground.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

I think you should speak to her face to face. You are 100% right - this is your wedding and You get to decide who you want to invite.

I would just sit her down and explain to her that you heard she would like her sister to be invited but unfortuantely you do not have unlimited funds so the guest list stands as it is. If they want to congratulate you on your marriage maybe your SIL can have you all over to dinner at her house after you return from your honeymoon.

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Sorry you are having so much stress with your wedding only 3 months away. I agree with Fran, you should have a face to face with her and explain your financial situation. I like that Fran suggests that your SIL invite everyone over, imagine!

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Okay, I'm going to be a little more blunt. I don't care for her sister much.She's the type that is very phony (fake boobs, plastic surgery),likes to drive her expensive sports car the husband bought her and flash her expensive jewelry. She's totally a monetary person and thats not me. We never get together so why now?

Re: My SIL invited her whole family to my wedding!(long)Need to vent!

Do you really want to know what I think? If you are looking for all 100% supportive messages stop reading now. If you'd like a dose of friendly honesty read on.

I think that you are not at all looking at this rationally. First off, she has not ruined your day. She has complicated your planning. Second, she hasn't invited anyone to your wedding. She has implied that people may receive invitations. Third, she doesn't seem out to get you. She seems excited about your wedding, and seems to want to share that excitement with the people close to her.

I am one who believes that we control our own happiness. You are chosing the way to react to her, and as such are creating your own misery.

Unless she is your calligrapher, and is writing the envelopes, she does not control anything. You do. It sounds to me like you are having a temper tantrum instead of dealing with what is a simple problem. Yes your SIL is clearly oblivious, and yes she is clearly immature. Rise above Sue. Keep a level head, and don't take it personally. I know the room you are having it in can accomodate more people. If finances are the limitation, spell it out for her. As someone else mentioned, if the problem is money give her the opportunity to pay for the plates.

I have to say, I'm VERY concerned about some statements you made along the lines of 'My brother needs to be a man and stop letting his wife wear the pants. ' Is this how you would want to be treated by your husband? I think you need to know that your SIL should come first in your brothers eyes. Her needs should be placed before yours. Yes, perhaps he should reason with her, but to imply that he should publically shame her is a recipe for a bad marriage. If there is something his wife cares deeply about that he can not change her mind on, he should support it. Sounds to me like he is a good husband.

Its your job to be the 'bad guy' here, not him.

I'll stop now before I insight more flame then I already have. I'll sum up with this: Yes, I think that she is being ridiculous, but I also think that your reaction could use some work.