my sister (moh) why must she do this????? (VENT)

so most of you might remember that i am dealing with my sister (and moh) from hell....i love her dearly but over the past 5 yearts, our relationship has just deteriorated - she has decided that we should not be firends (now i have asked, begged, pleaded to talk it out etc....and to my knoweldge i never did anything to her) and its been pulling teeth to have her even be in the wedding.

of course, being as though we were best friends for so many years and so close growing up, i have always imagined my sister as my moh and she knows this, which may be my weakness.

she has done nothing at all to be helpful or even happy about the wedding - everything has been an argument and torture - from picking the dresses (shoot me b/c i felt she could pick it since she had to wear it - nope, that wasn't good enough - she refused to go look or hcoose or anything) to my shower (my mom stepped in and planned it all) to even speaking to the rest of the girls (she just doesn't call anyone back if you leave a message - you have to explicitly lay out why you called or else she won't return it - she's 'busy'!) now, i defend her ot everyone b/c she is my sister, but its getitng harder and harder.

she already told me that she won't know anyone at the recpetion (um hello, are we not from the same family?? and i've had many of my firneds for years so they know her too - plus since fh and my family often do things together, she knows them too!) and is only coming b/c she was told she 'has' too.

everything is an argument and i have tried to be calm and rational - i have even falt out said ' i am not going to argue with you so lets please talk normally about this' but then she hangs up - and hangs up and hangs up.....

i am at my wits end - i just spoke to her to try to finalize soem detials - well, it turns out, she neevr had her dress altered (depsite having it since august) or bought shoes (she was wiaitng for me to tell her which ones - mind you, back when we got the dresses, i said whatever they all want to do as long as they match....not too hard!) plus, she again told mne she didn't want to go nor did she want to make a speech, and nto b/c of the crowd thing but because she doesn't care to say anything about me. (nice, huh??)

this is starting to affect fh as well - he is ready to kill her and tell her to forget it and not comeor ever be a part of pur life - but i won't allow it - i won't even let him call her b/c i don't think its fair and i think its too importnat to have family....

my parents support her the whole way - she lives with themand they hear her side...she is also the youngest and they are too so everything i do they see as me being the 'big bad older sister'

what do i do? how do i fix this? i feel i am at my breakig pont and am tired of crying and feeling bad.....

anyone else in the same boat???? or have advcice??

thanks!

I'm sorry - I really don't know what to say.. Obviously she has a lot of issues going on that no matter what you do, it will never be good enough. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with her and trying to always talk things through.. Hopefully, she gets her dress altered and is there for you the day of the wedding. Lots of

Wow - I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. Your sister sounds like she is being incredibly unfair. Does anyone have any insight as to why she is acting this way? Perhaps she's jealous of you and the wedding? Is she going through a tough time in her life right now? Maybe you could sit down with your parents and have a heart to heart with them about what is going on with her? It would be even better if you could have a heart to heart with your sister - is this a possibility?

I wish I had magical words of advice for you. Best of luck - I hope everything works out soon!

I am so sorry you are going through this. Especially so close to your wedding. But it sounds like you have exhausted every effort to accomodate to your sister and nothing has worked. As a MOH she should be doing eveything in her power to make it a wonderful experience for you and she has given you nothing but grief. I respect your thoughts on family values but it seems to me that you may have to step back and ask yourself if its really worth it.

I hope everything works out for you.

I am so sorry u are going through this maybe u should talk to her and find out why she has such a problem with u and the whole wedding thing. Maybe if its really such a 'big deal' for she shouldnt even be in the wedding.

Im soooo sorryyyy. BIG to u and ure FH

thanks everyone - i have tried repeatedly to tlak to her and my parent s- my parents take a 'we're not getting invovled approach' (or so they say) and then launch nto a tirade that i should respect whatever her wishes are and be grateful she is allowing herslef to be my moh (i won't even get into how many times she threatened to pull out - at one point i almost offered her $$ just to do it - thats how desperate i was) my firends are all wonderful and very supportive of me and my wishes for her to be in the bp buts its so hard....i alwasy thought my sister would be there (happy!) on my day....

she isn't going through anythign tough - and she likes fh - says he is the brother she never had - but she sure is screwed up if thats how you treat him or i! b/c of fh mom passing away, family means more to us than ever but its so hard - i even get my own breaking pt sometimes where i wonder if i am screwed up - i mean, if my whole family thinks so, maybe i am???

fh and i were just talking about it and he thinks it is time he sits down with my parents and tries to talk about things but i don't want any trouble so close to the wedding, silly as it may sound looking at what we are dealing with....i don't know- what i do know is it is all coming to a head and i feel if i don't give him this chance it may ruin any relationships he has with my sister and my parents if he doesn't talk openly and honestly with them....he feels that we are startiing our own life together soon and that maybe we will have to let them have their time then and see if they come ot us to be a part of our lives, but i don't wnt to risk losing them - i don't want to cut off my family but they are making it so hard....

the weirdest thing is they love him, its not like we are delaing with parents who don't think we hsould be married or anything, i am just so sad and confused...

let me stop babling now...lol...

thanks for al your advice, please keep any ideas or suggestions coming...

Hopefully your FH can get through to them. If your sister really cares for him as a brother, maybe having him speak to her will do the trick! If she refuses to be happy about her role as MOH for your sake, maybe she can do it for his sake? I think it is incredibly sweet of you to want her in your bridal party despite how she's been acting. I don't know how I would handle a situation like this - if it was completely impossible for my sibling to be happy to be a part of my bridal party - I would probably unvite him/her.

Good luck with everything!!! I hope she comes to her senses soon!!!

I would hate to give you bad advice. If you think that having your FH talk to them would improve things, then have him give it a try. But, if you think that it may make things worse.... If I knew all of your family members, I'd be able to give you a better perspective on all this. Maybe there's a close relative who might be able to shed some light on this? A grandparent, aunt or uncle who knows everyone involved and what's been going on?

Ideally, I would say sit everyone down and have a real heart to heart - tell your sister how much she means to you, how much you love her, how much you miss how close you used to be, and how much it means to you and your FH to have her be your MOH and play such an important part in the wedding. Tell her that you want to put all of the past arguments and disagreements behind you. Forgive her for what has been said and done, ask her for your forgiveness, and start anew.

Have you tried something like this? (I'm sure that you have.) If so, what was the outcome?

I am sorry that she is doing this to you.

Can you ask one of your BM's to 'unofficially' take over the roll? That way you know someone is helping you and supporting you?

Your sister is being horribly horribly mean and immature. I know it will be hard but you don't need that sort of negativity right now. You need the support of family and friends that actually care. What has your mom and dad said/thought about how your sister is acting?

Good luck and pls don't let her spoil your planning.

thanks - i have tried ot sit down with everyone but then it becomes i am being a bridezilla or just want attnetion (which i really don't - i just want a family who loves me for me!)- my parents are weird, they feel my sister is acting fine and whatever she says is good as gold....and no one takes it serioulsy that i want to hammer this out, or no one seems to care...its strange, i just don't get it....there are times where i feel it must be all my fault, why would they all not care then? you know?...

thanks to everyone for their suport!! to all of you back....i don't know where i would by now if it wasn't for you all!

my advice to you is not to stress about your sister. It is your day and if she doesn't get her dress altered or doesn't show then she will look like the fool not you.

I also had problems with my sister. She never did one thing to help me or was in any way supportive. My mother had to buy her shower gift and pay for it because she just doesn't have the time.

I only had my sister in my wedding party because i wanted to keep it small so i made it easy for her and told her to choose anything she wanted. I just gave her a few colors to choose from. Well lets just say it was a week before the wedding and she still had no dress.

I had to stop worrying about her selfish and just let whatever happens happens. I won't even go into what happened after she got drunk at my wedding

you can choose your friends but not your family. Try not to stress over her too much and enjoy the rest of your wedding planning