My stepmother- can't say the words!

sept20yay! Posted: Nov 22, 2002 02:51 PM

My stepmother- can't say the words!

My father recently got engaged to a woman I despise.... I've known her for seven years and her jealousy and bitterness towards me is apparent in everything she does... She doesn't invite me to family functions, does everything she can to come between and wreck the relationship I have with my father.... I just found out that they are getting married soon---- before me. Does her name need to be on my invitation as she will be his wife? She told my father that it shouldn't be just my mothers name (who is not married) and his name doing the inviting? What is proper? I can't stand this woman!!!

Sassy Posted: Nov 22, 2002 02:53 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

What an awful situation. All I can say is this is YOUR wedding. She and you obviously do NOT have a relationship, so she is NOT hosting your wedding. Do NOT put her name on the invitation if you feel this way.
I never heard of the stepmothers name being on it anyway, unless she raised the Bride or has a mother-daughter relationship with her.
Hope this helps. Good Luck

Latina511 Posted: Nov 22, 2002 02:56 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

I def wouldn't put her name on the invitation. I have received invites with the name of the parents mom and dad even if they are divorced but stepmom and stepdad were not included.

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I wouldn't pay any mind to her just show her that you are a better person than she is by not steeping to her level.

Marcela1654 Posted: Nov 22, 2002 02:58 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

I CANNOT stand my Dad's wife and she WILL NOT be included on our invitation. Actually, I don't even want to invite her. But that's a long story.
Anyway, sorry for the vent. It is your wedding and you should do what you want, not what everyone else wants. Has you Dad said anything about it? I'm sure he'll understand.

Good Luck

nrvbrd Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:01 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

Her name should not be on the invite, just put your parents and fh's parents.

Sorry to hear about your situation.

shamma Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:09 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

If you do not put her name will it change your relationship with your dad?? It is your day and I would never tell anyone to do anything to make them sad on their special day. Is your dad and stepmom contributing in some way??? How is the wording of your invite being written??

Claud2001 Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:09 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

TO save yourself some grief, do not put anyone's names on the invite except for yours and FH's!

rvcpl Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:10 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

My FH's father is remarried but he would never consider her his stepmother. They have a good relationship but we always refer to her as his dad's wife.

We are writing:

J. M.
and
B.C.
together with our parents
Mr. & Mrs. M (my parents)
and
Ms. C (FH mom) and
Mr. C (FH dad)

eroxgirl Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:13 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

You do NOT have to put her on your invitations!! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise

Your father should tell step-mother should be told that if she's going to cause trouble, she won't be included at all. This is YOUR day and anyone who doesn't get that should stay home!!

My own parents haven't spoken in years but they both know that if anyone steps out of line or starts trouble on my wedding day, I will KILL them!!

sept20yay! Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:19 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

Thank you guys so much!!! Sorry to go so spastic on this but It was really annoying. I just wanted to get some feedback on what the etiquette was and It was really helpful. I feel like maybe it should be My name and FI name together with their parents invite you to.... AHHHH!!!!

shamma Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:24 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

To not cause yourself any stress you can use that as a blanket statment and it covers everyone w/o singling any one person out

All the best and happy planning

eroxgirl Posted: Nov 22, 2002 03:25 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

That will work too. 'Together with their parents...' is the best way to avoid complications for me as well - there are so many different last names - my FMIL is remarried and has a different last name from FH and my mother took back her maiden name after my parents divorced so there would be 4 different last names on the invitations otherwise!!

michele31 Posted: Nov 22, 2002 04:23 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

I would just say Together with their parents to avoid all trouble. I would NEVER include her name, but be warned she will have a list of demands I am sure of that. She already started with the invite. Speak to your father now about the fact that you will not be treating her as 'mother' so that he knows upfront.

jennbaby Posted: Nov 22, 2002 08:34 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

I myself, would not include her name on the invites. There are many ways to word your invites such as:

Together with their parents

Come celebrate
Dance and sing
Laugh and love
As we join our lives

Chris Harper and Kelly Woods would enjoy the pleasure of your company
in sharing the joy of their holy union (commitment ceremony/wedding)

Chris Harper and Kelly Woods warmly invite you to witness
our exchange of vows and join us in celebration
Chris Harper and Kelly Woods invite you to join them
as they exchange vows and unite their lives
It is with joy that we, Chris Harper and Kelly Woods
invite you to share in a celebration of our love

Good Luck

Samanthas Mom Posted: Nov 22, 2002 10:13 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

unless SHE is paying for the wedding
no way would I put her name, especially if u cant stand her
it is YOUR wedding

DaniRN Posted: Nov 22, 2002 10:29 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

Even though I get along great w/ my step-dad, his name won't be on our invites.

CathyB Posted: Nov 22, 2002 10:35 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

I have a very similar situation, absolutely HATE the woman my father is married to. They've been together for 13 years now, and my dad and I weren't speaking for the first 10 of them because of her.

I told him flat out that she could attend, but would not be included in any planning, on the invites or in any pictures. I refused to disrespect my mother, who sacrificed a lot for my brother and I when he left, by including his wife. If that meant that he couldn't be a part of my day, than so be it, but I was not going to let her ruin my day. He said that he understood and would respect my wishes.

I'm certainly not saying this is the right solution for you. I had never planned on having my father at my wedding anyway, so it wasn't that big a gamble for me.

Best of luck. I know it's a hard situation to be in.

Edited to say that our invites will be something along these lines:

Cathy's mom
and
Cathy's dad
invite you to witness the marriage of their daughter
Cathy
to
Scott
son of
mr. & mrs. scott's dad

sept20yay! Posted: Nov 23, 2002 01:22 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

Thank you so much Cathy and to all of you who responded. Although I always envisioned my wedding invitation to look differently (what girl didn't write out a sample wedding invite when she was young!?) I guess I will have to write it out simply to not deal with the situation. Again, sorry to be so personal but the suggestions were a great help!

Stacey1403 Posted: Nov 23, 2002 01:37 PM

Re: My stepmother- can't say the words!

Wow, this really stinks for a lot of you girls. I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. My stepmother is wonderful. She was included on the invitation(My Father and her a paying for part along with my FIL's) along with FH's parents. I hope everything works out for all of you!