MY WEDDING IS OFF; I KNOW I SHOULD RETURN THE RING, BUT...

Good morning ladies!

I know that etiquette dictates that you return the ring since it's a promise for a wedding that obviously won't happen. We were paying for the wedding ourselves, and agreed that I'd handle the deposits to the vendors to give him time to clear up some of his bills, then he'd pay the balances when they were due. Thankfully, I've only shelled out $2K to date, so should I sell the ring to recoup my money (yes, tacky and petty, I know), or should I be a better person and do the right thing and return the ring?

P.S. I also gave up my apt in Queens to move to (gasp) the Bronx (I was renting, he owns a coop); and sold my furniture that I didn't place in storage.

IMO I think these are all things you need to discuss with your ex if you are on speaking terms. If you are not on speaking terms wait and let him ask for the ring back if he wants it then bring up the deposits etc.

Good luck sorry things didn't work out for you but it only means better things are waiting ahead for you.

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Posted by mrsmeri1104

IMO I think these are all things you need to discuss with your ex if you are on speaking terms. If you are not on speaking terms wait and let him ask for the ring back if he wants it then bring up the deposits etc.

Good luck sorry things didn't work out for you but it only means better things are waiting ahead for you.

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Thanks. Well he did say that he was fine with me selling the ring. I'm just concerned he may change his mind later and cause a huge stink!

Keep the ring, then sell it. Sorry, it had to happen this way but better finding out early, then too late.

Good Luck

Did you part of good terms or was their a person at fault (like a cheater)
in my opinion I would do what I had to do to make up the $$$$
look at the positive side at least you didnt spend 30,000 right

In the eyes of the law, if he is the one that broke the promise - aka caused/initiated the break up than you can keep the ring. If its you who who broke off the enagement, than you should give it back.

IMO I would follow that in case he turns bitter and takes you to court

My sister went through this an by LAW he gave you the ring with the intention of getting married i.e. a contract. It doesn't matter who broke the contract legally you are supposed to return the ring...believe it or not this is how it is
My sister and ex also bought a house and she had to return the ring and he bought the house from her. She held onto the ring until he signed the contract for the house.

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My sister went through this an by LAW he gave you the ring with the intention of getting married i.e. a contract. It doesn't matter who broke the contract legally you are supposed to return the ring...believe it or not this is how it is

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Yes this is correct. I have seen this on all the Court shows like Judge Judy. He can technically come after it later and you would have to pay unless there is a contract.

Not to be a naysayer, but if you do agree to sell it mutually, have him write it down. I am NOT an atty, but I believe the previous posters are right, that it is your obligation to return it -- so cover yourself.
I am sorry that you are having to go through this time. Best wishes.

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Posted by PK2BE

My sister went through this an by LAW he gave you the ring with the intention of getting married i.e. a contract. It doesn't matter who broke the contract legally you are supposed to return the ring...believe it or not this is how it is
My sister and ex also bought a house and she had to return the ring and he bought the house from her. She held onto the ring until he signed the contract for the house.

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This is the law.

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Posted by shelly_l

Good morning ladies!

I know that etiquette dictates that you return the ring since it's a promise for a wedding that obviously won't happen. We were paying for the wedding ourselves, and agreed that I'd handle the deposits to the vendors to give him time to clear up some of his bills, then he'd pay the balances when they were due. Thankfully, I've only shelled out $2K to date, so should I sell the ring to recoup my money (yes, tacky and petty, I know), or should I be a better person and do the right thing and return the ring?

P.S. I also gave up my apt in Queens to move to (gasp) the Bronx (I was renting, he owns a coop); and sold my furniture that I didn't place in storage.

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Sorry you have to deal with this, but if you're on decent speaking terms, then hopefully you can work out a fair arrangement. Without knowing any further details, it sounds like you could ask that he pay you back for half of the lost deposits - $1K. If he's definitely OK with selling the ring, you should split the proceeds with him (you could take the $1K out of his half of the ring sale).

As for the furniture, if he was the one to get the proceeds of the furniture you sold, then you could ask for that money back. If you got the money for the furniture, then there's probably no money issue there - just sucks that you'll have to get another place to live and new furniture.

Sorry...and good luck!

Thank you all for your responses; they were very helpful.

I called it off because of a lie he told about - believe it or not - owning a cellphone! He went ahead and got one, gave the number to his friends but not me...and after I confronted him about it he even had the nerve to say he was 'contemplating whether to give me the number or not,' after his initial denial. I found out he had the phone when one of his friends called me to get the number.

I figure if he's going to lie about something this simple, he'll definitely lie about more meaningful things.

I've decided to take a loss on the deposits and return the ring.

Best wishes to you all!

personally i would have him sign something that says he is allowing you to sell the ring to cover expenses -
sorry this happened to you

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Posted by MegLehner

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Posted by PK2BE

My sister went through this an by LAW he gave you the ring with the intention of getting married i.e. a contract. It doesn't matter who broke the contract legally you are supposed to return the ring...believe it or not this is how it is
My sister and ex also bought a house and she had to return the ring and he bought the house from her. She held onto the ring until he signed the contract for the house.

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This is the law.

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I agree. I know people who went through this.

it should really depend on how you feel, and the situation if you sell the ring. Personally I could never sell it. Mine is just way too special. But, I don't know if I'd keep it either. Tough call.


Good Luck!

Sorry about your engagement breakup.