My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

As you know, I've been considering postponing my wedding because of recent $$$ problems. We decided we really can't save up the $$ we need for the wedding b/c of new financial burdens, and it was cemented by the fact that FH just had to put $1000 into his car...the car is 16 years old, so if it dies, we're in big trouble...he'd have to buy a new car....so we can't get in debt up to our ears for the wedding, because there are other concerns and things you need to be prepared for. I wanted to postpone the wedding a year, or try to see if NRC would let me do it on a Sunday instead of Saturday to save $$.

My family really doesn't want me to postpone it. They don't think it's fair that I should have to, and they want us to go on and do something happy nad positiive in the midst of everything that's been going on. So my sister abd brother in law had already offered to pay for our flowers as a gift, now they're saying they'll pay for anything they have to, whatever we're short at that point, and we can pay them back if it makes us feel better, but we don't have to. I mean, I feel really bad. They're not rockefellers at all.

But here's the thing, Right around when we're gettign married, FH would be up for a big promotion, which would include a significant payraise and probably a decent bonus. If he gets this, we'll have no problem paying for the wedding, or paying off any debt we incur. The only thing is is that it's two years away, and we won't find out if he's getting this bonus until a few weeks before the wedding. I don't want to count on something that's So remote and so indefinite. But if it does happen, we could quickly and easily pay back my bro and sis.


I just feel SO bad taking the $$ from them. My sister was talking about saving at least $10,000 to help me pay for the wedding. I feel like they should be saving the $10K for themselves.

What would you do? Would you take the $$? I would definitely want to pay them back. I didn't ask them for the $$ at all, they just really feel bad for me and FH, and want us to be able to have the wedding of our dreams.

My mom feels really bad..she just told me tonight that prior to all of this, she and my dad were planning on taking out more $$ in their loan to help pay for my wedding. I thought that was so generous of them, but now my mom can barely afford to support herself...

Ok....I was thinking this wedding was this year...But its not until the end of 2006. I think you could do it, and anything that isnt paid for ask your sis and brother in law to pay for and tell them you will pay them back when your FH gets the money from his raise.

Do you work too? Maybe you guys can do something on the side to make more money, or maybe you can get part time jobs or something. See about selling things on the internet, and try to budget yourself. Try not to go out to eat that much, and only use a certain amount of money a week for spending, budget money out for gas, food, and rent....Save the rest.

As far as DH's car goes, maybe he can sell it and get something that is less maintenance and less money. What type of car is it and what year? I am sure he can sell it and get something to replace it. It is too bad you didnt post this two weeks ago, my friend just sold an 89 oldsmobile that ran great....just didnt look pretty...for $600. He would of gotten many years out of that car...

I wouldnt give up so fast on cancelling your wedding. You have a long time ahead of you to think of something and save your money. Remember if you cannot come up with it all your family is offering to pay for it. You are not asking them, they are putting it out there for you....I would take them up on it, but tell them to know that you will pay them back. I know if it was me, I would pay them back as soon as I could.

Good Luck with your decision.

Scott

....Start looking through your house and see what you have that you can sell. Set up an ebay account and put all that stuff on ebay. You will be surprised at what actually sells. When I did it, I made some good money and I cleaned out my apartment. So I killed two birds with one stone.

Does your FH or you have any skills that you can utilize to make some extra money on the side? On the side of my job, I do car detailing. I can make anywhere from $125, to $600 plus on the weekend. I work from late march till november. Or maybe you guys can fix computers, or do web pages or something...I am just putting some stuff out there....There are always ways to make money, you just have to do some research. How about real estate? Either of you interested in selling houses? With a little hard work you can make a lot of money selling houses. My friend And I are thinking about taking the classes.

I didnt realize that your mom isnt able to support herself, I wouldnt ask her to help you for the wedding. There is no reason for her to put herself in debt....I would feel bad too if It was me. I know she wants you to have the dream wedding, and that is understandable. Im not going to tell you to not spend so much money on your wedding, because I know that it is worth it. Danielle and I saved all of our money, and we were able to have an amazing day. It is crazy that you spend so much money and it is gone within 5 hours. But this is your wedding day and it is one day that you will never forget....I would try to get that money....anyway that I can. You still have plenty of time.

Scott

I think Scott has some good ideas. What's that saying, one person's trash is another one's treasure? I am sure you have things that you may not think twice about but that someone else might want.

I'd suggest moving the wedding to a Sunday and sticking with having it in '06. You still have so much time and there are some great vendors out there that don't cost an arm and a leg. With our photog, we didn't have to make the last payment till after the wedding, which helped.

Good luck!

I agree...Switch the wedding to a sunday...If it will cost less. You could always chose another hall that is less money....but if you dont want to do that, then think about switching the day.
Scott

It seems like you have quite a bit of time here to save some money...I know that's easier said than done. But are there certain things that you can cut down on or do without for your wedding? I didn't have centerpieces and to be honest, no one missed them--that's $1000 saved right there. DJ instead of band, etc.

nsgraham had posted a budget thread when she got married last year and it had lots of helpful hints on how to minimize costs.

If your sister and brother can help without putting themselves in a bad financial situation, I would accept their help...just save like crazy in the meantime! Good luck!

i have to agree with everyone else jenn, i would not take the money and would make the necessary adjustments (i.e. switching the day).

I would not take anyone's money, I give credit to those couples that save for years for this ceremony...I am not one of them. my only advice would be to look at the big picture, all the time spent saving and stressing over wedding funds..could all be used for house money..your families might want a big wedding for you, but that is because they want you to be happy...

I wouldn't take any money from my sister. I think you should sit down and evaluate your finances. If you can't afford to have the wedding your originally planned then you should definately downsize or change the date/venue.
Good Luck you will do the best thing for you.

I think in the end only you guys can make this decision. You need to weigh your priorities. Is it more important to you to have a big fancy wedding or is it more important to you to be married relatively soon? Neither of these things is bad, it's just what's right for you and your FH.

I know NRC is pretty high on the $ scale and to do it on a Sat night must be even more expensive. Maybe pick one and go with it - either the Sat night is your priority and you should pick a less expensive hall or NRC is your priority and you can pick a less expensive day/time. Then step back and again, prioritize the rest of the vendors, etc. If photo is most important to you, get a good photographer but go with an inexpensive DJ, maybe candle cp's instead of flowers, less expensive flower bouquets. Don't add a vienesse hour, etc.

You can do a lot with a little bit of money, it just takes some research and effort. I think the main thing here is to keep your eye on the prize--the marriage.

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Posted by lullabella

I wouldn't take any money from my sister. I think you should sit down and evaluate your finances. If you can't afford to have the wedding your originally planned then you should definately downsize or change the date/venue.
Good Luck you will do the best thing for you.

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I agree. I wouldn't take any money. For me, it was more important to get married soon, but also pay for it so I didn't feel we were taking handouts from people who didn't have tons to spare. Once we decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we wanted to start immediately! I never had visions of a fairytale wedding, as I guess some do. I had a wonderful wedding surrounded by everyone we wanted to be there, but it also didn't break the bank. It was 5 hours of my life, and honestly I don't think about it a great deal having been married 4 months. Now the day to day being married is so much more important than the centerpieces or the favors. If you don't spend too too much, remember most presents from guests will cover whatever amount you go into debt. Cut corners to save--there are definitely ways.

Aslo, if you book vendors now, you may eb able to get 2005 price s & may be abel to pay in intallments, which will make it more manageable.
I accepted $ from my parents, so I can't tell you not to take the $ from your sister, but it is really up to & depends on your relationship with them. I knew that from my parents, a gift was a gift & I wouldn't owe them anything & they wouldn't be to pushy abut details or amke me feel guilty about the $.

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Posted by wc0143

If your sister & BIL can help you with wedding finances, why can't they just help your mother instead? I guess I'm just confused ...

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I was thinking that, too. Then you could still save up for the wedding.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by lullabella

I wouldn't take any money from my sister. I think you should sit down and evaluate your finances. If you can't afford to have the wedding your originally planned then you should definately downsize or change the date/venue.
Good Luck you will do the best thing for you.

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I agree. I wouldn't take any money. For me, it was more important to get married soon, but also pay for it so I didn't feel we were taking handouts from people who didn't have tons to spare. Once we decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we wanted to start immediately! I never had visions of a fairytale wedding, as I guess some do. I had a wonderful wedding surrounded by everyone we wanted to be there, but it also didn't break the bank. It was 5 hours of my life, and honestly I don't think about it a great deal having been married 4 months. Now the day to day being married is so much more important than the centerpieces or the favors. If you don't spend too too much, remember most presents from guests will cover whatever amount you go into debt. Cut corners to save--there are definitely ways.

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I agree with both of the above posters. DId you invest a lot in the hall yet?

Can you downscale on the day?
MAybe cover someones date who postpones thier wedding?
Would you be totally opposed to a destination wedding? I have been to 2 and they were both wonderful. (one in the Bahamas & the other in Vegas)

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Posted by oct.2004bride

I agree....I would switch the day or down size the wedding!

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Yes! Shop around and see if there is a better deal.

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Posted by wc0143

If your sister & BIL can help you with wedding finances, why can't they just help your mother instead? I guess I'm just confused ...

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They are helping my mother, we're all helping my mother. But there's a lot of stuff my parents were paying for for me, that I now have to pay. I have a semester of college, that now has to come out of our wedding savings, and when my dad left there were 3 back payments due on my car, which they were paying, and I still have 5 payments left that I now have to make, plus car insurance... So, it's more than us helping my mom, it's added to the fact that there was a lot my mom was helping me with until I finish college.... and my mother had also planned to buy my wedding gown, etc...so she was going to contribute to the wedding as well...so the who lack of funds is coming from MANY different directions.