My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

Original post by marymoon

Mar 14, 2005 02:00 AM

As you know, I've been considering postponing my wedding because of recent $$$ problems. We decided we really can't save up the $$ we need for the wedding b/c of new financial burdens, and it was cemented by the fact that FH just had to put $1000 into his car...the car is 16 years old, so if it dies, we're in big trouble...he'd have to buy a new car....so we can't get in debt up to our ears for the wedding, because there are other concerns and things you need to be prepared for. I wanted to postpone the wedding a year, or try to see if NRC would let me do it on a Sunday instead of Saturday to save $$.

My family really doesn't want me to postpone it. They don't think it's fair that I should have to, and they want us to go on and do something happy nad positiive in the midst of everything that's been going on. So my sister abd brother in law had already offered to pay for our flowers as a gift, now they're saying they'll pay for anything they have to, whatever we're short at that point, and we can pay them back if it makes us feel better, but we don't have to. I mean, I feel really bad. They're not rockefellers at all.

But here's the thing, Right around when we're gettign married, FH would be up for a big promotion, which would include a significant payraise and probably a decent bonus. If he gets this, we'll have no problem paying for the wedding, or paying off any debt we incur. The only thing is is that it's two years away, and we won't find out if he's getting this bonus until a few weeks before the wedding. I don't want to count on something that's So remote and so indefinite. But if it does happen, we could quickly and easily pay back my bro and sis.

I just feel SO bad taking the $$ from them. My sister was talking about saving at least $10,000 to help me pay for the wedding. I feel like they should be saving the $10K for themselves.

What would you do? Would you take the $$? I would definitely want to pay them back. I didn't ask them for the $$ at all, they just really feel bad for me and FH, and want us to be able to have the wedding of our dreams.

My mom feels really bad..she just told me tonight that prior to all of this, she and my dad were planning on taking out more $$ in their loan to help pay for my wedding. I thought that was so generous of them, but now my mom can barely afford to support herself...

marymoon Posted: Mar 14, 2005 12:46 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

We have to talk to NRC. We already gave them a lot of $$. If I hadn't already booked, it would be adifferent story. I have a contract, that if I switch the day it has to be an affair that is at least as expenive as the one I originally booked, so I'm not sure if they'll bend the rules and let me swtch to a less expensive affair..that's why originally I figured w could postpone to '07...because we could have the wedding for the same price... And it's not about taking their money...it's that at the time when stuff becomes due, borrowing the money for a few months until FH gets his bonus for the year, and we get wedding gifts etc, and can just give it back to them. it's not that we'll never get the money, it's just at this rate, it'll take us longer...

marymoon Posted: Mar 14, 2005 12:47 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

Posted by tourist

Aslo, if you book vendors now, you may eb able to get 2005 price s & may be abel to pay in intallments, which will make it more manageable.
I accepted $ from my parents, so I can't tell you not to take the $ from your sister, but it is really up to & depends on your relationship with them. I knew that from my parents, a gift was a gift & I wouldn't owe them anything & they wouldn't be to pushy abut details or amke me feel guilty about the $.

My sister and BIL would never make me feel guilty about it. they want to pay for the whole thing and have us never pay them back...so I don't think it's going to cause any of those kinds of problems.

lilmrs Posted: Mar 14, 2005 12:57 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

Can you back out of NRC all together?
I know that sounds bad, but if you have to switch the date and it has to remain as expensive...then you won't really get any financial help there...but if you cancel all together, they have plenty of time to rebook! Most contracts say you pay only 10% or something like that as long as they rebook.
Perhaps then you can find a place that is a bit cheaper?

I don't know, this is a hard one, I was just trying to give you another option.

meghanmetz Posted: Mar 14, 2005 01:37 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

I would be very leary of waiting/ depending on
a) a promotion
b) a big raise coming with that promotion

when both are well over a year away.

I dont know what your FH does or who he works for, but so many things can happen in a year.

Otherwise, I personally, would not want to borrow money from my family to pay for a wedding, one day passes by so quickly, and poof, all of that money is gone for one day. And it is an incredible day and very special. But bottom line, you'll be married and a wife whether you spend big bucks or no bucks.

lullabella Posted: Mar 14, 2005 02:34 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

Posted by marymoon

We have to talk to NRC. We already gave them a lot of $$. If I hadn't already booked, it would be adifferent story. I have a contract, that if I switch the day it has to be an affair that is at least as expenive as the one I originally booked, so I'm not sure if they'll bend the rules and let me swtch to a less expensive affair..that's why originally I figured w could postpone to '07...because we could have the wedding for the same price... And it's not about taking their money...it's that at the time when stuff becomes due, borrowing the money for a few months until FH gets his bonus for the year, and we get wedding gifts etc, and can just give it back to them. it's not that we'll never get the money, it's just at this rate, it'll take us longer...

Usually if a hall can rebook your date you will get everything back but a deposit and since you are getting married 12/06 it shouldn't be a problem. I would seriously look into this based on what you have wrote. It sounds like you have stretched yourself WAY to thin. When itis all said and done you don't want to remember your wedding as being STressful and the reason you went into debt.

I know this must be tough decision but I think 3 years is crazy to wait to get married just to have a wedding.

Kriss2c Posted: Mar 14, 2005 03:01 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

My friend and her fiance, now husband, had some rough times, financially, just before they got married.

They decided to get married anyway with just close family and friends present at city hall. A couple of years later, they corrected their money troubles and 'renewed' their vows in a church and had a reception afterward on their anniversary.

While it is a fantastic jesture, I would not feel right taking the money - that's just me.

Janice Posted: Mar 14, 2005 03:04 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

Posted by lullabella

I know this must be tough decision but I think 3 years is crazy to wait to get married just to have a wedding.

I completely agree.. I am an advocate for living within my means..When we got engaged I said I would save for the wedding for 6 months and whatever we have at the point is what we would spend on wedding. I don't make rockafeller money, why would I have a rockafeller wedding? Weddings are an outrageous business..it is one day, that is it..When all is said and done, most people(I am tempted to say everyone) don't even clear the wedding cost. So please don't bank on gift money to be your down payment..and please don't bank on future raises or bonuses..you are young and in love and healthy..please don't live the next 3 years of your life planning for 1 day. Plan for your life

Jax430 Posted: Mar 14, 2005 03:11 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

Jenn, I've hesitated in responding to this, b/c only you and DH know what your relationship is like with your sister. If you feel that you have the type of relationship that you can take some of the money as a gift (i.e., flowers) and some as a loan without there being any tension about it, I think that's okay - but only you guys can really discuss that. I think you and your sister and BIL have to sit down and really discuss what it would mean for you to borrow the money from them.

Aside from borrowing the money, I agree with some of the other suggestions that people have made. Switch the wedding to a Sunday night if you can..trust me, people really do come! Use some of the budget vendors that nsgraham has listed. Figure out what's most important to you and put more of your budget to that and less to the other things. I know you have your heart set on NRC, so try to work your budget around that. I wish you all the best with all of this stress. I know you and Doug will figure it out.

marymoon Posted: Mar 14, 2005 05:38 PM

Re: My wedding...postpone??? Update...what should I do?

Thanks everyone. I really don't know what to do. If we're postponing or changing the date, we need to call NRC ASAP (i know the daytme slot on our wedding day is already taken by a bar mitzvah!), and if we're not postponing, we need to get back to booking vendors. I really don't know.

For me, with my sister and BIL< we're all really close, and I really don't anticipate any tensio or problems borrowing the $$ from them. They've offered to pay for our wedding from day one (they're 10-15 years older than we are). I just don't know...they really don't want us to postpone, but I already thought we had no other choice. Maybe everyone just wants something joyful to look forward to amid all of this crap we're going through.