Name changing

Name changing

hi everyone! im new to this site. I've been having some thoughts and concerns lately that have never occured to me before. My boyfriend and I have been looking at rings for the past month, talking about wedding plans with both sets of our parents and suddenly all this issues came up that i never thought of before. Has anyone else had reservations about changing your name? I guess it sounds silly but I'm having a hard time comming around to it. I was born in poland and adopted by amazing parents who love me with all their heart and have given me everything.I couldn't be more grateful. The thought of changing my last name really bugs me. I know my parents wouldn't see it as an insult but I feel wrong about it, they given me so much I don't want to change it. My boyfriend is very old school italian and sees it as a blow to his ego or manhood. He won't even hear of me not changing my name he says im just being silly but i dont think i am
help

Re: Name changing

Re: Name changing

I also do not want to change my name, but my FH wants me too. My reasons are more for professional things, but I also am not the biggest fan of his last name. So we decided that I'll keep my name for work stuff and go by his last name socially. But if it really means that much to you, sit down and talk to him. Make him realize how important it is and I'm sure he will come around.

Re: Name changing

Welcome....and yea that is really hard ...i would just talk to him about it and explain why you feel that way ...u will get though it ...best of luck to you...

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Re: Name changing

Re: Name changing

I love my last name, it's short and fits me while FH's last name is pretty but so long and so italian
what i'm doing, and while my sister and mom had done before me, is use my maiden name as my middle name and take FH's last name. I feel stronger about not having a separate last name from my husband than i do about keeping my maiden name, but this way i get to have both.

Re: Name changing

i am feeling the same way about changing my last name...i dont want to do it!
FH and i agreed to me hyphenating (my last name first-than his). It is not ideal but it is a solution we are both happy with. I will admit i am not thrilled about our kids having his last name but i have come to terms with it.

Now i am trying to convince him to name our first son Campbell (which is my current last name) - he thinks i am crazy

Re: Name changing

Re: Name changing

I find it incredibly refreshing that you both are discussing these things and working out your issues before getting engaged! Personally, it's important to me that myself, my husband, and my future children all have the same last name so taking my husband's last name was a no-brainer for me. Would you consider hyphenating your name? Would your b/f be okay with that? Or maybe you could talk to your parents about it and see what they say.

Re: Name changing

Re: Name changing

You could always hyphenate it. if you want children then they wont have your last name if you don't change yours. I am kinda old school Italian too and i believe in changing your name.

Re: Name changing

I am really conflicted about changing my name. I really love my last name and I am one of three girls. It breaks my heart that our last name will end with us. I contemplated hyphenating, but my last name is so long already I can't bear the thought of purposely making it any longer. It is really important to FH that I change my name. I will probably end up taking his name..

Re: Name changing

I don't like my last name but I hate fh more. We decided on me changing my last name after so much discussion I don't even want to think of it. It was just to long to hyphenate. Fh is old fashion that way

Re: Name changing

Re: Name changing

Re: Name changing

Thank you for your responses everyone! We've talking about hyphenating he wasn't crazy about the idea. I feel like I haven't been able to really convey my true feelings. It makes me very emotional when I try to talk to him about it. I think because both my parents and his are so loving to both he and I he doesn't see why I would feel any hesitation about the change. I guess its hard for people who aren't adopted to understand these emotions, I don't even fully understand it. I didn't grow up feeling different from my family because I didn't share their genetics. Though I know its not true sharing a last name with my parents and brother feels like my only link to them

Re: Name changing

Re: Name changing

The name changing debate can be pretty heated. My FH was very animate about this so we compromised and I decided to hyphenate my name. I don't want to change my name for identity purposes and because I love my last name, because it means 'Happy' and since it's short hyphenating won't make it super long. My co-worker who's also getting married next year and I were talking about this and after our conversation she said she now wants her last name as her middle name. Maybe that's a good option if both last names are long and hyphenating would make them a sentence.

Re: Name changing

I'm not changing my last name and instead FH is taking mine. His family made up their last name when they moved to this country so it doesn't have a value to them.Definitely keep talking things out and good luck.