Need a hug.totally long sorry.

Hi ladies.
I know I have been distant lately and I apologize for not posting as much I have just been having a tough time.

Im sorry for writing this all here but i don't really know where else to write/talk about it. I have talked FHs ear off and I feel bad. So I remember telling you guys that Grandpa was going into a nursing home. He has been there for a little over a week. I went to visit him on Saturday. It was awful. I have never been to a real nursing home facility. I have been to assisted living facilities because I take my students there to sing for the residents. I was picturing walking into this place and seeing some happy older people sitting in a living room/homey area and enjoying themselves. I walked in and found the opposite. It was terrible. SO dreary,depressing and sterile. They all just sit in the hallways. S ome on chairs, some in wheelchairs and some in their hospital beds. It is so quiet.

I suffer from anxiety (always have) so I knew this owuld not be an easy thing for me but I am just amazed at how awful this was. I got off the elevator and there was a man laying on a hospital bed with a helmet on. There were hardly any visitors with the exception of my mom and grandma who I met there. I walked in a little further and saw my family. Grandpa was just sitting there not talking or looking at my grandma or mom. It was so painful for me to see him this way. He is so angry that he is there. He won't eat and he won't talk to my grandma when she goes. He talked to me, but very little. It is just so sad to see people in that state. They aren't living anymore. It is like they are just waiting to die. I know this is where he is getting the help he needs, the help that none of us can provide for him but I hate seeing him there. My poor grandma feels so guilty for putting him there but she can't care for him. She is still fully functioning and she misses him so much. She is so lonely. Its just heartbreaking to watch. She keeps saying she hopes that when he does pass on that he does peacefully while sleeping. How awful to think about.

Now this would be enough to any non anxious person over the edge but for me it is making me think about Brad and I getting old. It scares the pants off me. The thought of losing him is terrible. My brain just keeps thinking about getting old and losing him or what if something terrible happens when we are not old, ya know? I know its uncontrollable but it just overwhelms me. Am I crazy? (you are probably thinking wow you are a nut!) I know i can't live in fear for my entire life of 'what if...' and ' what if that?' but its so hard to not worry when you are watching all of this...

I dont know. Thanks for reading ladies...if any of you have experienced things like this please let me know I am not nuts!

im so sorry that you are going through this ... My FH grandma is acutally in a assisted living/rehab/nursing home ... its just like you said sterile, sad and not inviting at all. She is mentally sick ... she is just really fragile and needs 24/7 care because of her bones ... her daughter cant take care of her anymore and wants to leave her there. Well she hates it and wants to go home, she thinks that she is going home but she isnt... Im scared that when she finds out they are leaving her there she will stop responding and eating as well. its the most depressing place ... you see poeple in those hospital beds and no visitors. its hard to go there for sure.

im sorry

I totally understand how you are feeling. My grandmother was in a home similar and it was just the most heartbreaking thing in the world. The best thing you can do is continue to visit your grandpa and let him know that you love him and care for him.

I think we all think about losing our FH's when we get older. I understand where you are coming from because I also suffer from anxiety. I think irrational thoughts and sometimes not so irrational thoughts, but I overthink everything. I think you just have to remember that you have absolutely no control over how/when we die and who goes first. Its the hardest thing to think about someone you love leaving you for good, but you can't let it occupy your thoughts or you will miss out on the good things in life...like being together now! And your future!!!!



Again, I am so sorry you and your family is going through this. I wish there was something I could do to help!

Awww...
No, I do not think that you are a nut or anything. I think about the same things all the time myself. My Grandmother was put in a nursing home for about 3 months a few years back and it was horrible. Finally my Mom couldn't deal with it no more and brought her home and hired 24 hour nurses instead. At least that was she was happy and home, rather then living somewhere knowing that it was the end in that place. It is a horrible place to be, but they do get the full care that they need. I am sooo sorry that you are going through this... My prayers are with you.
To think of FH gettng old with me and getting in that state does scare me, but I would soo much rather grow that old with him rather then something happen at an earlier, younger age. I mean, I hear stories of such young people that were recently married or whatever get into car accidents or develop some type of deadly dease...it's sooo scarey.
I hope that everything works out for you....

I'm running out right now but when I get back I definitely want to respond to this.

Hang in there

Oh sweetheart!!! These are for you!!

We all love you and are here for you!!

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Posted by PROBM

I also suffer from anxiety SO I know exaclty how you feel. But you CAN NOT entertain those images and thoughts, every time the what ifs, and images enter your mind try as hard as you can to visualize pictures, thoughts , happy momemts that make you relax.... What I have been doing recently that helps is I excuse myself and go for a walk alone and think about our first wedding dance as husband and wife or I think about putting on my dress with my girlfriends and giggling about getting married etc but think about those wonderful things in SO much detail that you can see the image in your head and it pushes the bad thoughts and images out... You are addicted to entertaining the tragedies in your mind and you have to find a way to block the want and need to indulge yourself into the what ifs. Please FM if you want to talk I suffer daily and am constantly learning ways to get better

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I couldn't agree with this more! I too have really bad anxiety/panic attacks and I often think about stuff like this too but I am realizing now that you can't. You just have to stay positive and realize that you are going to have a great life together like I am sure your grandparents did. There is no point worrying about the future (now if i could get myself to believe all of this i will be good!)

I am sorry that you are going through this. It was so sad I started crying reading it, because stuff like this breaks my hear, it always has... but again it is life (unfortunately) and we have to deal with it the best that we know how without driving ourselves insane. Hang in there and FM me if you need to vent

I had to edit this to add one thing.. my great grandma was in a home and i used to visit her all the time and she was really sad at first but got much better... she told me once that seeing me was the highlight of her week.. so keep visitng your grandpa and giving him plenty of love!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I work at a nursing homes and not all are like what you described. We have a living area where all the residents hang out, activities all day long and day rooms on each unit so the residents have a change of scenery. I get anxiety too and can understand how you felt. A lot of families have a really hard time when they have to put a loved one in a nursing home. If you have any questions about nursing homes or need anything fm me.

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Hi ladies.
I know I have been distant lately and I apologize for not posting as much I have just been having a tough time.

Im sorry for writing this all here but i don't really know where else to write/talk about it. I have talked FHs ear off and I feel bad. So I remember telling you guys that Grandpa was going into a nursing home. He has been there for a little over a week. I went to visit him on Saturday. It was awful. I have never been to a real nursing home facility. I have been to assisted living facilities because I take my students there to sing for the residents. I was picturing walking into this place and seeing some happy older people sitting in a living room/homey area and enjoying themselves. I walked in and found the opposite. It was terrible. SO dreary,depressing and sterile. They all just sit in the hallways. S ome on chairs, some in wheelchairs and some in their hospital beds. It is so quiet.

I suffer from anxiety (always have) so I knew this owuld not be an easy thing for me but I am just amazed at how awful this was. I got off the elevator and there was a man laying on a hospital bed with a helmet on. There were hardly any visitors with the exception of my mom and grandma who I met there. I walked in a little further and saw my family. Grandpa was just sitting there not talking or looking at my grandma or mom. It was so painful for me to see him this way. He is so angry that he is there. He won't eat and he won't talk to my grandma when she goes. He talked to me, but very little. It is just so sad to see people in that state. They aren't living anymore. It is like they are just waiting to die. I know this is where he is getting the help he needs, the help that none of us can provide for him but I hate seeing him there. My poor grandma feels so guilty for putting him there but she can't care for him. She is still fully functioning and she misses him so much. She is so lonely. Its just heartbreaking to watch. She keeps saying she hopes that when he does pass on that he does peacefully while sleeping. How awful to think about.

Now this would be enough to any non anxious person over the edge but for me it is making me think about Brad and I getting old. It scares the pants off me. The thought of losing him is terrible. My brain just keeps thinking about getting old and losing him or what if something terrible happens when we are not old, ya know? I know its uncontrollable but it just overwhelms me. Am I crazy? (you are probably thinking wow you are a nut!) I know i can't live in fear for my entire life of 'what if...' and ' what if that?' but its so hard to not worry when you are watching all of this...

I dont know. Thanks for reading ladies...if any of you have experienced things like this please let me know I am not nuts!

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Lauren,
1. you are not a nut
2. I hate those places. And although i hate them the only upside to them is that you are able to visit more (is there fewer restrictions on visiting hours?)

Yesterday, I had this strange feeling that something was wrong. I sent you a text, I'm not sure if u got it. But I said to vinnie 'I have to text lauren, i dont know why but i feel like somethings wrong and i havnt been online to check up'

A pplace like this is the perfect place to vent because, well, its a community and i am sure plenty of people share how you are feeling and not make you feel nuts.

I dread having to pick up vinnie from work because he literally works at the diocese which is dead smack across from the cemetary. And everytime i get him, and I am waiting i am staring into the cemetary and I think'Shoudl we buy a plot? Am I going to be one of those old people who becomes needy and thrown in a home? Am I going to get some kind of cancer?' Its just your brain trying to find answers to the things we cant find answers to. YOU ARE NOT n uts. Its actually pretty normal...

If you want to give me a call i'm hetr till 7<3

lauren you brought tears to my eyes
the what if's are the killers its so easy for me to say ' stop saying what if' and just let life be, but i can't because its not easy. Its hard. You love someone so much you dont want to ever see them go. I cant imagine my life with out Tom and just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. I dont have the answer but all i can say is hold on, its gonna get better, it has too right? give an extra hug and kiss every once and awhile and be happy for today!

Im sorry you are going through this. My grandfather was in a home for a little while and it broke my heart to see him there. luckily our family was able to come together and take turns to take care of him so he could be at home but this isnt always the case with a lot of people. I hope everything works out for the best for you and your family.

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to you girls

I am so sorry you have to go through this terrible experience. I think your fears about the future are normal.

awwwwww sweetie i'm so sorry
if there is anything i can do to help let me know

I'm so sorry you're going through this Lauren. I remember when my grandma had a stroke and had to be sent to a rehabilation place, it seemed very much like the nursing home you just described. It literally looked like the pushed them out of the elevator and where ever they landed, thats where they stayed for the day. It broke my heart. So many older people just waiting for a visitor who will never come. I'm so sorry that is happening to you. Its so hard seeing someone you love like this.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. These things are never easy. as a person who suffers from extreme anxiety I can totaly relate to how the anxiety is over whelming and making you think that you are 'nuts'. Trust me honey you are not.

I think that you just need to tell your self that this is the right place for your Grandpa. And know that as unhappy as he may seem he still loves all of you!!

I'm so sorry that you are going through this!