Need a hug.totally long sorry.

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

Ya know, its not hard to see that something was bothering you, but I wasn't going to press the issue, if you didnt want to come out into the open with it all.

Like you said, the sad reality is that most of the homes are places where people have the life drained out of them. I felt this most when I was in Calvary hospital... No one leaves that place and when we found out FH's grandmother was being transferred there, we only knew it was a matter of time. You would walk by patient's rooms and see them just so lifeless, the halls were empty, some vistors here or there, but nothing like there should have been. Some I never saw with a visitor for the month or so that his grandma was in there... Very very sad.... And yes, I know all about the 'sterile' feel. It felt like some sort of horrible dream walking through the halls.

The worst was seeing FH's grandfather stay by his wife's side day after day. She had no clue he was even there at times and he was holding her hand the entire time. There was so much love there, between them 2, till the very end. You remember how heartbroken I was to see him like that and would just cry looking at how sad he was... That's an image I have a hard time getting out of my head, but it's something that we all have to go through at some point being that we found the person we love and want to share our lives with. I think it's all the good times with that person that we have to focus on and remember when times get tough. The best you, your grams, and fam can do right now is make it as enjoyable for him as possible. Visit often, make him a fav meal or dessert, engage his mind and try to keep it active, encourage him you get involved in whatever daily activites they have there.

Sry, this is so long and I'm sure you'll be the only one reading it on this thread LOL But try to cheer up buttacup! Once gramps starts feeling good about himself again, you will too

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Hi ladies.
I know I have been distant lately and I apologize for not posting as much I have just been having a tough time.

Im sorry for writing this all here but i don't really know where else to write/talk about it. I have talked FHs ear off and I feel bad. So I remember telling you guys that Grandpa was going into a nursing home. He has been there for a little over a week. I went to visit him on Saturday. It was awful. I have never been to a real nursing home facility. I have been to assisted living facilities because I take my students there to sing for the residents. I was picturing walking into this place and seeing some happy older people sitting in a living room/homey area and enjoying themselves. I walked in and found the opposite. It was terrible. SO dreary,depressing and sterile. They all just sit in the hallways. S ome on chairs, some in wheelchairs and some in their hospital beds. It is so quiet.

I suffer from anxiety (always have) so I knew this owuld not be an easy thing for me but I am just amazed at how awful this was. I got off the elevator and there was a man laying on a hospital bed with a helmet on. There were hardly any visitors with the exception of my mom and grandma who I met there. I walked in a little further and saw my family. Grandpa was just sitting there not talking or looking at my grandma or mom. It was so painful for me to see him this way. He is so angry that he is there. He won't eat and he won't talk to my grandma when she goes. He talked to me, but very little. It is just so sad to see people in that state. They aren't living anymore. It is like they are just waiting to die. I know this is where he is getting the help he needs, the help that none of us can provide for him but I hate seeing him there. My poor grandma feels so guilty for putting him there but she can't care for him. She is still fully functioning and she misses him so much. She is so lonely. Its just heartbreaking to watch. She keeps saying she hopes that when he does pass on that he does peacefully while sleeping. How awful to think about.

Now this would be enough to any non anxious person over the edge but for me it is making me think about Brad and I getting old. It scares the pants off me. The thought of losing him is terrible. My brain just keeps thinking about getting old and losing him or what if something terrible happens when we are not old, ya know? I know its uncontrollable but it just overwhelms me. Am I crazy? (you are probably thinking wow you are a nut!) I know i can't live in fear for my entire life of 'what if...' and ' what if that?' but its so hard to not worry when you are watching all of this...

I dont know. Thanks for reading ladies...if any of you have experienced things like this please let me know I am not nuts!

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Posted by PROBM

I also suffer from anxiety SO I know exaclty how you feel. But you CAN NOT entertain those images and thoughts, every time the what ifs, and images enter your mind try as hard as you can to visualize pictures, thoughts , happy momemts that make you relax.... What I have been doing recently that helps is I excuse myself and go for a walk alone and think about our first wedding dance as husband and wife or I think about putting on my dress with my girlfriends and giggling about getting married etc but think about those wonderful things in SO much detail that you can see the image in your head and it pushes the bad thoughts and images out... You are addicted to entertaining the tragedies in your mind and you have to find a way to block the want and need to indulge yourself into the what ifs. Please FM if you want to talk I suffer daily and am constantly learning ways to get better

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