Need a little support here....

So i posted the other day that we would be putting an application in for an apartment tomorrow night

I am soooooo fulll of anxiety and am thinking I am making a mistake.

my apartment is waterfront so i have to take it if i want it - you kno?

I live in Selden about midway in the island - although a lil closer to north shore- FH comes from East Patchogue - the apartment is borderline bayport/bluepoint - but still in patchogue - all the way on the south shore. I feel like im leaving my family and friends behind - being taken out of my safezone if you will , and even though 20 minutes away - like im now in His territory if it makes any sense. I know im rambling a little. I have never lived home before and I am FREAKED OUT! My homelife is very stressful and dysfunctional - and while half is me is happy that ill thrive out on my own and have a chance to really be me - theres the dysfunction - and I feel like im abandoning my family and leaving them behind. Im so deathly afraid to close that chapter in my life. (ok so yes, I do see a therapist - a great one - and now im starting to cry because this is so hard for me to really talk about, but im not handling it well so what better place to spill my soul than an open forum right? You know I love you girls)

The other issue is that my apartment (720sq.ft) is 1225 - with waterview bumps it to 1275 and our dog chiba brings us to 1310. FH and I bring in 3k a month - before overtime - which he will being weekly now. There is no pool and again im farther away then i wanted to be - im concerned with gas- all my doctors are on the north shore - as well as my job. For 1310 - i can get an apartment closer for 1335 (800 sq ft) with pool and all that stuff and its a lil bigger but no chiba doggie- now i keep bringing up pool bc i grew up with one and i live in the water- and i feel that no pool might drive me nuts and ill wind up driving back to selden daily to swim lol. That to me is important. However Selden has a galley kitchen and we HATE that - so am i weighing them wisely??? Patchogue has a better kitchen

But there is just something about the patchogue one. I cant describe it. But i dont know if im having doubts out of anxiety????

SO my point.....has anyone else had these feelings before? I dont want to come across as a baby - but id be lying to myself if i said i wasnt scared about moving out on my own. FH feels the same, but he doesnt wantto talk about it.

Im not having a nervous breakdown - just a lil weepy is all. Having the Pre moving in jitters - I just kinda feel alone. I thought this was going to be a breeze and id be out and happy and rejoycing And extremely overwhelmed. Anyone else experience this right beofre they moved out or right before they put in an app for an apartment?

Oh, my precious Lindsay, if I lived closer I'd come and give ya a hug!!! Praying that everything will work out and you will be able to make a choice right for you!!! I love you, you sweepea you!! Don't have a nervous breakdown!! You'll be ok, hon!! Mary MOB

aww thanks mary - nah im not having a nervous breakdown at all - just pre moving away jitters - i dont want to leave my family but want to live alone with Jason - CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS

I just was looking to see that i wasnt alone - maybe other girls could share their experiences. I dont know why its so scary!

I'm moving 2 minutes from my parents house and I'm having a hard time with it......I know how you feel.......I wish I could stay home forever but it's time for me to move on.....Hopefully FH will make me feel comfortable and understand when I get sad about not being home anymore....HTH!!!
Feel free to FM me if you want....

First off , you are NOT a baby! It is perfectly normal to be anxious about change- whether it is a good type of change , or not people are creatures of habit, and when that habit is broken it can be VERY scary!

I don't know what your current homelife situation is, but a dysfunctional home is not a way to live, family or no family . Whatever guilt you may feel for leaving , just remember you are entitled to be happy and create your own family for your FH . It is difficult to break away sometimes, but who knows, it may be the best thing for your health... mental and otherwise !

I also had difficulty moving out, my dad was recently widowed and I was on my own, then moved home, and left a year later. I didn't want him to be alone, and a part of me still feels guilty for leaving him, but I had to live my life and not be afraid to try

now in terms of your new apt, that can be a concern ! the cost and living expences might be overwhelming and put an added financial pressure that you might not need ! You might not want to spread yourself so thin with money , gas ect

You also have to remind yourself , 20 minutes is not that far from friends and family , some people move across country from their family and friends ( I couldn't do it , but people do all the time)


don't be afraid of change

---

Posted by jeanne08

You really aren't moving that far away. It's not like your moving to China! If you're right along the South Shore forget the pool, hit the beach! South shore beaches are way better than north shore. As as far as feel so far away from your hometown, it's Long Island, everything is the same everywhere! The same strip mall repeats itself over and over again, you won't be missing anything.

---

Thanks - I think I just need to hear it, you kno? Im just all over the place (darn wedding ) and Im scared of making THAT decision

But thanks for the reality check!!

Its like the movie clueless when Chers father tells her 'everywhere in LA takes 20 minutes!'

OOOO know any good south shore beaches?? I also heard this morning that in late spring gas might go to 4 bucks a gallon and my jaw fell!

---

Posted by jessnstu08



don't be afraid of change

---

I am soooooo afraid of change - i get comfortable and dont want to leave!

---

Posted by madseason

aww thanks mary - nah im not having a nervous breakdown at all - just pre moving away jitters - i dont want to leave my family but want to live alone with Jason - CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS

I just was looking to see that i wasnt alone - maybe other girls could share their experiences. I dont know why its so scary!

---

I think I understand your moving feelings a little. I'd love to move, but I have some people I really love and care about, who I have to enter into the moving decision. Like my Mom, who depends on me to take her places. Praying you'll receive the wisdom you need to make these decisions!! Mary MOB

well lindsay i swear we share a brain!!! i have some serious anxiety about leaving home.. and its not cuz im afriad to live with my FH i actually love when hes here i feel so safe.. but the thing is my dads become slightly physically handicapped from an injury and my mom needs me alot to help care for him (im a nurse) and FH works LATE hours (hes a cop in the city) so im home alot. and i just dont feel safe in a strange apartment alone.. if it was my own house thats different (i can get an alarm system) Plus we CANT afford 1000 a month on an aartment (im just finishing up school) So we decided to live with my parents in a small apartment upstairs its def. a sacrafice one decient size bed room and a super small kitchen/living room combo. but its only for a short amount of time to get on our feet. but i have some anxiety about evenutally leaving.. its HARD.

Im not quite sure how i feel about your feelings to where you would rather live to give you advice on it. but def. go where your comfortable thats a huge deal.. a small kitchen should not be the deciding factor i dont think.

i dont know if this really addressed where you were going but just know your NOT ALONE!!!

---

Posted by madseason

---

Posted by jessnstu08



don't be afraid of change

---

I am soooooo afraid of change - i get comfortable and dont want to leave!

---

Linds
The same types of thoughts race through my head about my family/living situation. I try to spend as much time as possible with my Nana at her house since my Pap passed away. I feel like will be leaving her behind after we are married. I guess we'd be abnormal if we didn't have thouse thoughts and fears to some extent. We just need to be sure we don't stress or let them consume us.

As far as the apartment go with you gut feeling. You guys know what is best for your situation both mentally and monetarily. Talk it over and weigh out the pros and cons, it will all work out in the end.

Love ya

i agree it's really not far in the grand scheme of things. and i loooove the beach so if and when I am forced to move to LI that is one of the conditions - I'll only do it if we're near the beach!!

BUT for your separation anxiety issues.... I can't relate but you remind me a lot of my sister. she had a really hard time leaving home - she was home a lot and always helping out, cooking cleaning etc.... we were somewhat dysfunctional too and my mom was hard to deal with growing up. I moved out on my own like 6 years ago, so I'm just a different type but please don't think you are a baby or not normal to feel this way!! this is a HUGE step we are all taking and moving out on your own just supplements it!

Remember also... this is just your first apartment together. I would LOVE to be waterfront, that would decide it for me. But if you think it will be a struggle on you two to make ends meet then maybe reconsider because you don't want to start your life together worrying about money. Either way, it's just an apartment, and you can always move after a year or two if you hate it! You sound like a creature of habit a little, but it is also great to check out a new neighborhood. I've moved 4 times in 6 years, so trust me when I say you can keep moving until you find your niche.

all that matters is that you guys agree. weigh the pros and cons and don't worry about being 20 minutes away.

---

Posted by jeanne08

Byaport/BluePoint has a bunch of little beaches on the Bay (took my e-pics out there), you're not too far from Robert Moses State Park. If you're going to be going out to RM get an Emprire Passport for your car, it's like a park pass sticker you put on your window, and it gets you into all the State Parks (Jones Beach, Caumsett, Sunken Meadow, etc, etc) The pass pays for itself after like 8 trips to the beach.

---

Jeanne you are so helpful!!! I will tell Deb and Fred about that Empire Passport. Thanks!! Mary MOB

I know change is scary. & it is normal to feel anxious. Do not worry though, You are still close with your family.

To make it less scary, think that this is not an everlasting change. You can live there, you can stay, or you can move. Life is fluid, enjoy the time with FH. And go with you gut. If you love the place but just feel anxious look for ways that you can make the place your own & look forward to moving in.

Think about setting up a aprty to entertain your family there. It will make the family get together even more special.

Shoot, my lil sis is jealous at how mom acts when i come to visit lol (not too much though), she is living at home & I am not.

THere are perks to every situation!

Regardless here are some hugs your way, we are here for you to vent

---

Posted by debismom

---

Posted by jeanne08

Byaport/BluePoint has a bunch of little beaches on the Bay (took my e-pics out there), you're not too far from Robert Moses State Park. If you're going to be going out to RM get an Emprire Passport for your car, it's like a park pass sticker you put on your window, and it gets you into all the State Parks (Jones Beach, Caumsett, Sunken Meadow, etc, etc) The pass pays for itself after like 8 trips to the beach.

---

Jeanne you are so helpful!!! I will tell Deb and Fred about that Empire Passport. Thanks!! Mary MOB

---

It's also good at all NY State Parks. There are different rules and rates at different parks.

Lindsay,



I mapquested it for you. your only 18 mins from smithpoint. I love that beach. (with a green key card last year it was only like $5 to park)

Its totally normal to be nervous. it made me feel a lot better to stop by my parents everyday for a little bit after moving out. your not abandoning your family. you are always just a phone call away if they need you. it's a milestone in your life... your parents always knew this day would come!

Thanks everyone! All the apartments we looked at were about 1250 and up - so that extra 50 to me is no big deal...

Im just confused - besides the water front - we LOOOVE the layout of that apartment - we didnt like any other layouts. But this is a lil smaller and has next to no amenities....

SO am i making the right decision? SHould i go somewhere where i am not crazy about the layout and its a lil more expensive and bigger where i cant have my dog - or go for smaller 0- love the layout and can have my cibalee pup all 60lbs of here - ina small complex where its clean no pool, but LOOOOVE the layout for ab0out same price