Need advice!!!!

Hi everyone. I am new here, a mom and a bride to be (my fiance and i have a 4 year old daughter together-Madison Elizabeth) I would hate my first post to be controversial but i have a question i was hoping other mothers could help with. Madison just turned four and started preschool and ever since she has turned into a royal terror (where did my sweet baby go?) I am big on time outs, and they used to work really well but lately she has been throwing tantrums really bad when I put her in time out. My fiance thinks that we should start spanking her, however i have a hard time accepting this having never ever been hit by my parents in my life. My fiance on the other hand grew up in strict italian household (his mother had a wooden spoon at all times ) and he thinks that we should give spanking a try. I believe that it may make the situation worse. He has always told me that he wouldn't use spanking as a primary method of discipline, but he wouldn't hesitate to use it when needed, and i was fine with that, but now that the time has come i am at a loss of what to do. Like I said I was never hit, but I can only imagine it is a horrible experience that I don't think i want to subject our daughter to, but i don't want her attitude to get out of hand. Any suggestions?

Treat the problem not the result. What do you think is causing all the fuss? Is she tired after school, is she overwhelmed by it. Something must be going on that she is upset about.

One trick I learned to help calm a little one throwing a tantrum. Lay her over your lap with her head and feet dangeling and rub her back. Of course you dont want to keep her in this position for too long. You may have to hold her feet with one hand. It sounds strange but it works.

Spanking IMO is hitting and hitting is violent. I will never use violence on my child(ren), not ever. I would not want Molly to hit a child because she didn't get her way so I will not hit to get my way. Children get upset and mad, just like adults.My friend used to tell her child 'I know you are mad that you cannot have XX or we have to go to XX and I understand that but you have to listen to Mommy about this' and that makes sense to me. You validate your child's feelings and still enforce that mommy=boss.
There has been a lot of research about time-outs lately, a lot of which says they do not help behavior very much. Maybe do some research on the topic.