Need Advice

I am a regular poster on these boards, but I do know some people on here that might know who i am talking about so i am doing this annonymously.

I had my shower two months ago. There are 10 girls in my bridal party. My mother paid for my entire shower and the Bridal Party was only responsible for the bridal party gift and decorations/cake at the shower.

I have only heard about most of this recently from some of the girls in the bridal party who are a little upset and don't know what to do. My Maid of Honor collected $150 from each bridesmaid for a total of $1,500. They all gave it without hesitation and my MOH got the gift without telling anyone in the BP what it was. Well after the shower they realized the gift given to me was only about $500 and the cake/decorations were no more then $150 at most. This leaves a lot of money left over. Now some members of my BP are asking my FH what they should do (they are not that close to my MOH). I think they are in the right, but I would feel weird saying something to her. FH said he will down the road (he i believe is going to wait till after the wedding)

Any advice? I'm very upset over this matter, but i feel if i say something to my MOH she might get all defensive and say she was going to return the money (and I am sure she won't unless asked by someone).

Maybe she is using the rest for the actual wedding gift?

I agree with your FH - wait until after the wedding to see what the story is and then have someone besides you approach her.

I think the girls need to get in touch with the MOH somehow and find out what she's planning on using the rest of the money for. Perhaps she's saving it for the bachelorette party, or a group wedding gift and forgot to mention it to the other girls.....
But I don't think it is your or your FH's responsibility to find the missing money. I would think the BP should be able to handle that.....

I know its not being saved for a wedding gift.

I already had my bachelorette party (my wedding is in a few weeks) and none of it was used for that. And i would agree that i should not have to or FH get involved.....but like i said the WP really does not know what to do because they are from all different groups of friends i have...

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Posted by james'pokey

If I were a BM it would not matter to me what my relation was to the MOH I would ask her where my money went. One of them has to confront her in a nice way and ask where the rest of the money went. It is not fair for her to profit from your shower.

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I definitely agree with this. Dont involve yourself with this. This is something your BM's need to do. I understand that they dont know each other well, but that's no reason to let someone mishandle funds like that. But the key here is to approach her in a respectful way, not accusingly. Good luck and I hope this was all some kind of misunderstanding.

Oh I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with letting you BP handle it. If the BP member who came up to you about it feels comfortable saying something to you then they should have no problem saying something to her (especially if they are not close). Hopefully it is a misunderstanding, but if it is not maybe you should talk to this MOH about your friendship if she is trying to profit from your shower after the wedding. JMO....

Wait till after the wedding...it seems like it is close and you don't need the stress of this....

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Posted by palebride

I think the girls need to get in touch with the MOH somehow and find out what she's planning on using the rest of the money for. Perhaps she's saving it for the bachelorette party, or a group wedding gift and forgot to mention it to the other girls.....
But I don't think it is your or your FH's responsibility to find the missing money. I would think the BP should be able to handle that.....

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Big ditto!

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Posted by divabride

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Posted by james'pokey

If I were a BM it would not matter to me what my relation was to the MOH I would ask her where my money went. One of them has to confront her in a nice way and ask where the rest of the money went. It is not fair for her to profit from your shower.

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I definitely agree with this. Dont involve yourself with this. This is something your BM's need to do. I understand that they dont know each other well, but that's no reason to let someone mishandle funds like that. But the key here is to approach her in a respectful way, not accusingly. Good luck and I hope this was all some kind of misunderstanding.

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I third this opinion!

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Posted by nferrandi

I can tell you from experience, STAY OUT OF IT! If anything, advise your BM to either call or send your MOH an email asking her about the money. All she has to say is something like, 'We all had no problem contributing money for so-and-so's shower gift and decorations, but we're just wondering what our extra money is going towards? are we getting her something special for the wedding too?' That way it looks like they're just asking instead of accusing. Then the ball is in your MOH's court to explain what the money is going towards or she will have to offer to give everyone their difference back.

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I agree 100%!

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Posted by suven

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Posted by nferrandi

I can tell you from experience, STAY OUT OF IT! If anything, advise your BM to either call or send your MOH an email asking her about the money. All she has to say is something like, 'We all had no problem contributing money for so-and-so's shower gift and decorations, but we're just wondering what our extra money is going towards? are we getting her something special for the wedding too?' That way it looks like they're just asking instead of accusing. Then the ball is in your MOH's court to explain what the money is going towards or she will have to offer to give everyone their difference back.

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I agree 100%!

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Me too

Good Luck

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Posted by palebride

I think the girls need to get in touch with the MOH somehow and find out what she's planning on using the rest of the money for. Perhaps she's saving it for the bachelorette party, or a group wedding gift and forgot to mention it to the other girls.....
But I don't think it is your or your FH's responsibility to find the missing money. I would think the BP should be able to handle that.....

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I agree.... and if you want, I'll call her myself! Dunno why, but it kind of rubbed me the wrong way hearing that because it sounds like she took advantage of a group of girls that care so much for you that they wanted to splurge on your gift.

Did your FH tell you if there is a lot of tension now bw the BMs and you MOH or how pissed the BMs he spoke with were?

I COMPLETELY agree that you and your FH should not be involved in this AT ALL, but at the same time if your BMs are really pissed about this (as I would be too), you dont want it all coming to a head on your wedding day, or being surrounded by a tense bridal party. You would know their personalities best though...

Maybe your FH should tell your BMs to ask the MOH about this ASAP so it is cleared up by the time you get married?

I think my FH might talk to the BP in a few weeks and then have one or two of them ask the MOH what her plan is with the extra money...that way i am not involved.

It all just makes me very and i hope it is not true. There is no real tension yet because people are seeing if she just hasen't gotten around to it but two months and not even a comment to anyone about sending the money to them....seems a little suspicious to me....

I will definetly bring it up down the road after the wedding if this is what she is trying to do......i don't want a friend like that.