need advice!!!

My FH and I are planning to get our marriage licence this week, but the whole party- a church wedding and a reception -is in September 2009. We decided that we won’t tell anyone, because we are doing that for ourselves. Now the closest friends only know. Do you think we should tell everyone, we don’t know how people will react at the 2009 wedding if this will leak out? Is this OK if we will wear my wedding band now? And what should we do about my last name, soon I am going to be Mrs. A? what should we put on invitations?

Any help will be great!

tough one- not sure how telling some and not all will work and if you wear your band- need to make sure people that see it were told. You are doing it for yoursleves so not sure I would tell everyone.

do what feels best for you and FH - it's your happiness that counts

Different people will respond in different ways...

but if you are doing it for you...ITS FOR U!

my cousin got married at city hall and didnt tell anyone...i eventually found out and i was really upset that he didnt tell anyone...family will be offended but friends will probably be ok with it.
thats my opinion anyway....but everyone is different.

one of my friends just did this, and I'll tell you what I told her. Do what you feel in your heart is right! people will talk no matter what. As long as you and Fh are ok with getting the license now then go for it!!! I wish you all the best and btw.....she only told her immediate family, his immediate family and their closest friends -- nobody else really needs to know if you dont want them to!!!

Good Luck!

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Posted by FutureMrsLV

not sure what you mean... are you just getting the licence? bc if thats the case from what I understand thats just a paper saying that you can get married... after you get the licenece you still need to be married, just bc you have a licence does mean your married yet....if im wrong please corerrect me. I also wouldnt get the licence too far in advance bc I think they do expire. NOW... if you mean your going to get the licence and THEN get married w/o a party or anything then that your choice, it might upset people since they will be coming to your wedding to see you get married! but thats a choice you and FH need to make. after all you know your family better then us.

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You are right about this. I went through this discussion with my best friend last year so she found out when she went to get the license. If you are, after getting the acutal 'paper', going to get married by an officiant - usually a judge if you go to the court house, then you will be officially be married. If not, you are not technically married until an officient marries you and signs the paper.

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Posted by baba022

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Posted by FutureMrsLV

not sure what you mean... are you just getting the licence? bc if thats the case from what I understand thats just a paper saying that you can get married... after you get the licenece you still need to be married, just bc you have a licence does mean your married yet....if im wrong please corerrect me. I also wouldnt get the licence too far in advance bc I think they do expire. NOW... if you mean your going to get the licence and THEN get married w/o a party or anything then that your choice, it might upset people since they will be coming to your wedding to see you get married! but thats a choice you and FH need to make. after all you know your family better then us.

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You are right about this. I went through this discussion with my best friend last year so she found out when she went to get the license. If you are, after getting the acutal 'paper', going to get married by an officiant - usually a judge if you go to the court house, then you will be officially be married. If not, you are not technically married until an officient marries you and signs the paper.

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i was under the same impression about this.

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Posted by egem523

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Posted by baba022

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Posted by FutureMrsLV

not sure what you mean... are you just getting the licence? bc if thats the case from what I understand thats just a paper saying that you can get married... after you get the licenece you still need to be married, just bc you have a licence does mean your married yet....if im wrong please corerrect me. I also wouldnt get the licence too far in advance bc I think they do expire. NOW... if you mean your going to get the licence and THEN get married w/o a party or anything then that your choice, it might upset people since they will be coming to your wedding to see you get married! but thats a choice you and FH need to make. after all you know your family better then us.

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You are right about this. I went through this discussion with my best friend last year so she found out when she went to get the license. If you are, after getting the acutal 'paper', going to get married by an officiant - usually a judge if you go to the court house, then you will be officially be married. If not, you are not technically married until an officient marries you and signs the paper.

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i was under the same impression about this.

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Me too, and I think that there is some time limit on how early you can get your license in NY state, like 60 days or less before the wedding or something like that. So if its just the license you're getting but not actually getting married, then it might be too early.

We are actually getting married by officiant, so we will have marriage certificate, not licence...
We are getting married by the Judge, so next year we can get married by the Priest, but we don’t know if we should tell people.


And thank you for respond

I think it all depends on your motivations...if you're doing it just to have a special ceremony for the two of you, I'm guessing everyone would be super offended- only because they would want to share that with you; but if you're doing it to get insurance or for some other legal reason, I'm sure they would understand.

What anniversary will you celebrate, which wedding would you consider your 'real' wedding??

We will celebrate both!!! why not?!?
We are doing that, because I am from Europe and I have to go thru all the paper work, so one day I could be citizen here and so my parents could come next year for the 2nd 'wedding'.

And we decided that we will tell people about it, but just explain that we want them to celebrate with us next year instead. I think they will understand.

And again THANKS everyone

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Posted by monkeybuttz

Ok, Im confused what is a marriage certificate?

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It proves we are legally married. It is something like Justice of the Peace Style Ceremony.

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Posted by FutureTrophyWife

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Posted by monkeybuttz

Ok, Im confused what is a marriage certificate?

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It proves we are legally married. It is something like Justice of the Peace Style Ceremony.

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Cool-thanks for the explanation.

My bro and sis in law did it that way (same reasons as you) with the intentions on having a big wedding the next year.....They were going to keep it a big secret from everyone but the immediate family....until they planned the 'official wedding' ... low and behold, everyone found out and were kinda pi''ed that they kept it a secret....and then they never ended up with the big wedding cause she felt that everyone already knew...what was the big deal....they were already married.....

So, maybe you should think about what to do....maybe it would be a good idea not to keep it a secret and let everyone know...but that you are going to have an 'official wedding' for everyone to celebrate with you......I think I would personally do that...

My friend did the same thing so her fiance could stay in the country. They sent an email around with their wedding picture explaining the situation and said that they would be having a 'proper Catholic church wedding next year.'

And sure enough they did.

Nobody was offended.

The other thing my friend did was purposely get married on a Friday at the courthouse and then she had the other wedding on her one-year anniversary (which ended up being a Saturday night).

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Posted by baba022

My bro and sis in law did it that way (same reasons as you) with the intentions on having a big wedding the next year.....They were going to keep it a big secret from everyone but the immediate family....until they planned the 'official wedding' ... low and behold, everyone found out and were kinda pi''ed that they kept it a secret....and then they never ended up with the big wedding cause she felt that everyone already knew...what was the big deal....they were already married.....

So, maybe you should think about what to do....maybe it would be a good idea not to keep it a secret and let everyone know...but that you are going to have an 'official wedding' for everyone to celebrate with you......I think I would personally do that...

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my brother did this and they are doing a big event nxt year. they told only parents and me. we are not telling anyonelse. i don't think they ever plan on telling everyone else after the ceremony and reception nxt year tho.
my family is pretty accepting. it all depends on your respective families. i personally say go for it! but remember you will be asking some people to hide information from others. they might not want to do that. best wishes, either way