need Advice

I'm sorry, i really don't have a good answer for you. Them saying it's not fair is very childish! I have a similar situation. My FH's family doesn't realize that since my family is paying, we really do have the right to have more people. My family very generously gave them the same number of people to invite as my side is inviting. So FH's mother is literally inviting virtual strangers!!!! But since she is right around the number of people we said she could invite, I'm letting it go. But me & FH are not really happy about the fact that she is literally inviting people she barely knows, just to invite people. But she is an awful woman anyway. I love how people who aren't contributing a penny thing they can dictate what happens!
Sorry this wasn't more helpful, just wanted to tell you I understand. Just make sure you and your FH are on the same page, that's all that matters! And the heck with everyone else!

I really can't help you either because I am going thru the same stuff also. My parents gave $5000 to help out with the wedding and FH's mother gave us nothing... but promised us $5000 (She is now not giving us the money because she says she doesn't have it). But my family is bigger and she is saying that it is not fair... I told her that I cannot invite more people to the wedding and she just doesn't get it. She is inviting them and expecting me and FH to pay for them..... So I feel your pain. Sorry I couldn't help but there is alot of us in your situation... It's a crappy situation....

Edit - O yea and btw I just went to FH's grandparents for dinner and I found out she was making fun of me to them that all I do is talkabout the wedding. SORRY that it is the biggest day of my life.... Okay I'm done, lol.

hey! you poor thing. it sounds like you are trying to make everyone happy and just getting slammed for it anyway. my only advice is just to try to stay annoyingly polite. deployment is hard because when my FH was deployed there was no one there to play middle man. keep in mind the combo of deployment stress + wedding stress is probably turning normally nice people into crazy loonatics. Once FH is home, at least you will have a buffer.

Maybe suggest to them that they make a B list, and then whenever you get a 'no' you will immediately send out an invite to someone they want. If you invited 200, most likely 40 people will say no, which leaves room for 10 of their new guests. The prospect of having the people invited at all might calm them down. (I used this method and it worked for me.) I hope that helps, and I hope the deployment countdown goes really really fast for you!!!

Did you remind them that you asked them a month or two ago if there were any other people they wanted invited, but they turned it down? Why do people do this??? You asked them, but THEY said no!!! You've offered them other solutions, but nothing!!!

I have a feeling you'll be able to invite them, after all--you'll be surprised by how many people turn down their invites.

definitely a tricky situation...

FH totally needs to jump in and defend all these decisions. His parents had their chance and are now getting angry at YOU for their decisions. The fact that your offering a B list is more than generous and I think once they calm down they'll have to agree that it's fair as well. Hopefully FH is a smooth talker with his parents and is able to bring them back to reality...

so sorry you have to deal with this