NEED ADVICE BADLY!! VERY OVERWHELMED- LONG VENT . . .UPDATED!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY AND FEEL SO MUCH BETTER

okay here is my situation.

I ask friend to be a BM. She is living on LI and says yes. one year later, friend gets engaged decides to move upstate, but still plans to have wedding here. Contemplates having her wedding the day before mine but decides it might be 'too hectic.' Then decides she will have it one week after mine. I had to REMIND her that I would still be on my HM. She moves wedding to next week. I will be coming home from HM early and driving straight upstate after arriving home from airport.

Friend decides she is moving the wedding to upstate and wedding will be in AUG. a month after returning from our HM. Asks me to be her BM. I try to hint that it's not a good idea by saying'you know maybe it will be too difficult for us to be in eachother’s weddings now- if you can't be in my wedding anymore, I understand.' She says it won't be a problem for her. I agree to be in hers (even though I am not comfortable making the commitment.)

Her dress for my wedding cost a lot more than mine for hers because of the size she had to order. I gave her $$ towards hers so that we would be paying the same amount for our dresses feeling that would be the right thing to do since we are both paying for a wedding.

My parents are paying for 100% of my shower. I am being asked to contribute $$ to her shower- do not know how much. Her parents have $$ mine are just average, but my parents don’t believe that the BP has to pay to be in the wedding. They have enough financial obligation in terms of gifts and apparel.

I will have to get a hotel for all of the affairs (2 nights for the wedding, 1 night for bachelorette party (plus $$ to pay for her bachelorette party) 1 night for her shower.) She will be staying over friends and families houses when she comes down. I only want her to be here for the most important events – shower and wedding day. She wants me to be up there for rehearsal dinner, wedding, shower, bachelorette party.

Her wedding is costing a lot less than mine since it is upstate. Her parents are giving them 15,000 towards the wedding (which basically covers everything) and his family is giving them $$ too. We are paying for the majority of our wedding.

We are going to have a new puppy when her wedding comes and will have to put it in a puppy hotel (more $$), since we have no one to take care of it.

I know a lot of this sounds petty and I might sound SELFISH, but I just feel that this is costing me much more than I can afford at the point in time in which it is (overlapping with my wedding.) I don’t know what to do. I know that if I drop out I might as well kiss our friendship goodbye. But I don’t want to lose the friendship. I just feel like I committed to something at a time that I am realizing I will not be able to fulfill. Please help me here- I don’t know what to do.