Apologies in advance if this ends up being a long post, but I am in a really tough situation with my family right now and I am looking for some advice (I am practically in tears writing this).
When FH and I got engaged, we said absolutely no kids at our wedding. We don't think it's appropriate and don't want them running around. My parents agreed 110% and my mom even said if anyone had a problem with that, they could talk to her so I wouldn't have to worry about it.
Now, a year later, suddenly my mom wants to invite her sister's three grandchildren, who are 16, 12 and 7. We agreed we were not going to invite any children and also that we would limit the guest list to first cousins - no second cousins or first cousins once removed (I have a huge family, so we need to draw the line somewhere). My mom is insisting we have to invite them or at least tell them they can come and have a babysitter watch them. This all started because we got a babysitter for my FH's cousin's baby. The difference is, the baby is less than a year old and from Florida, so the parents can't leave her behind in FL, and she's a baby so she will be sleeping and no one will even know she's there. My three cousins will not want to sit in a room outside the cocktail room for five hours - they will be running all around and want to come into the reception. Plus, they only live an hour away, so if they need a babysitter, they can easily get one for a few hours.
This is causing a huge problem with my parents now and it's to the point where my dad actually said if we refuse to invite them, he wants us to not have the wedding. My parents were going to give us some money to help pay for the wedding so they could be the 'hosts,' and now they are saying they won't help.
So now our options are -
1) Take out a loan to pay for the rest of the wedding and get new invitations (which are going out in less than a month) so that FH and I are the hosts (we are already paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves anyway). 2) Tell FH's cousins we can no longer have them bring the baby and they won't be able to attend the wedding 3) Give in and let my parents have the three kids come to the wedding and stay with the babysitter and just pray that they don't try to leave the room
What should I do? Help
justnicethings
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Re: Need Advice - Family Drama
Hugs to you, it will all turn out OK.
FutureMrsJC
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Re: Need Advice - Family Drama
Thanks everyone! You guys are awesome. I feel better already just being able to vent and to get your point of view.
BigDsGirl
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Re: Need Advice - Family Drama
Posted by justnicethings
I come from a huge family, too. I know it's your day and you should call the shots, but you also sort of have to remember this is just a day. I personally don't think it's worth causing bad blood with my parents because I need every detail to go my way. I'm a person who is inviting lots of children to my wedding because that's just what I wanted. I just wanted to play the devil's advocate here. I know we're here planning our weddings and want them to be perfect, but we can't lose sight of our relationships and family, especially. You are going to have so many people there, I guarantee you won't even notice these kids. They're all old enough to not cause a scene with crying. I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear this, but these are just my thoughts.
I couldnt have said it better myself.
Moonmist09
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Re: Need Advice - Family Drama
Posted by BigDsGirl
Posted by justnicethings
I come from a huge family, too. I know it's your day and you should call the shots, but you also sort of have to remember this is just a day. I personally don't think it's worth causing bad blood with my parents because I need every detail to go my way. I'm a person who is inviting lots of children to my wedding because that's just what I wanted. I just wanted to play the devil's advocate here. I know we're here planning our weddings and want them to be perfect, but we can't lose sight of our relationships and family, especially. You are going to have so many people there, I guarantee you won't even notice these kids. They're all old enough to not cause a scene with crying. I'm sorry if you didn't want to hear this, but these are just my thoughts.
I couldnt have said it better myself.
i agree, this is why i am inviting tons of kids to my wedding. i don't care if they run around or sit at their tables. I'm not the one one watching them that night. they will be taken care of by their parents/grandparents/ whoever. but i'm not going to cause bad blood this early in my new family stage with my Fh but not inviting them.
fdnybride163
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Re: Need Advice - Family Drama
what if you tell your OOT cousins w the baby that you would have a sitter go to the hotel where they are, or they can drop the kids off a a sitters house (someone you know that is). this way the baby isnt 'at' the wedding,but they can still bring the baby for the weekend.
Seriously though, dont let what your parents say get to you. Why are they making such a big deal bout it? Did you say to them that this was partially their idea as well and they are just going to have to deal w it. if you make exeptions for one you make it for another!
