Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

HappyPlanner Posted: Jun 12, 2008 09:39 AM

Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

Hello ladies, I wanted to just post this question. I usually get really great feedback and would love to know what you think.

My friend (not engaged yet) already asked me to be a bridesmaid to her wedding in two years. She hasn't set a date yet, or anything. Anyways she wants the wedding to be in France during summer of 2010.

I just got married and she was my bridesmaid, so of course I said I would do it, but now I just feel a little nervous becaue it's such a big commitment for something a bit far away for me. Also my husband and I are planning to have kids during the next few years and I have NO idea when. maybe I'm just thinking too much into it, but wanted some insight on this. I was frank and said that if I'm pregnant I will not be able to go. And she understood. But she said if I indeed have a baby I should bring it to France, etc.

I am very excited to help her, because I was going through my own wedding withdrawal and she is a good friend of mine, but I'm just not sure what to say. Should I tell her to plan without me at this point? Or can I tell her that I'll give her a more definite answer in a year? After she gets officially engaged?

The financial aspects also worries me, because the flight to France, hotels, not to mention the fact that I may not have enough vacation days to cover....

Am I thinking too much? I want to be a good friend and do a good job, but I need to be practical too.....HELP!!!

Lil83108 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 10:01 AM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

I don't think you are thinking too much...I think you are being smart about thinking of all the things that will go into a wedding like that. I think you should tell her you will do it for now, but will give her more of a definite answer in a year when she gets engaged. Then take it from there. HTH

JJC Posted: Jun 12, 2008 10:11 AM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

I would wait a year and take it from there...with the dollar dwindling...a trip to france is going to be mighty pricey...

MEMEJOR Posted: Jun 12, 2008 11:16 AM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

well... u have sometime... she might even change her mind...

kslmbuggie Posted: Jun 12, 2008 11:24 AM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

i think she is smart for planning 2 yrs out (although she is not engaged yet which is strange) she is giving you enough time to be financially ready for this & i applaud her for that. I think you should do it. She was there for you, and you should be there for her, & a wedding in france is a once in a lifetime experience.

It is gr8 that you let her know if you are preggo you cant go, because if this happens she has no reason to be mad about it.

gl

SusiBtoM Posted: Jun 12, 2008 12:19 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

It is a bit strange that a girl not yet engaged is planning a destination wedding two years in advance.
Also strange that she has asked you to commit to being a BM at this not-yet-wedding.

I wouldn't worry about it until she has committed herself to a fiance, a date, a time, and a place.
Anything can happen in two years. Take it from there.

Cpt2007 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 12:30 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

Posted by SusiBtoM

It is a bit strange that a girl not yet engaged is planning a destination wedding two years in advance.
Also strange that she has asked you to commit to being a BM at this not-yet-wedding.

I wouldn't worry about it until she has committed herself to a fiance, a date, a time, and a place.
Anything can happen in two years. Take it from there.

agreed. you have time, and she's not yet engaged, so who knows what could happen!

HappyPlanner Posted: Jun 12, 2008 12:59 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

thanks for all your feedback. i was honest with her and emailed her and said i cant 100% commit. however i am happy to help her with anything she wants me to do here.

i know i think too much but if i commit to being a bridesmaid i want to commit 110%. things like having a baby, etc and then traveling to a foreign country, where the wedding is also an additional 7+ hour train ride, isnt something feasible i believe if i have a baby....so i expressed that to her and she said that 'not worry about it'

so i think all is good now!

Espo22 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 01:11 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

well is she getting engaged soon? or is this something she is just hoping for? first i would wait until she is engaged and sets a date before you decide. Does her bf even want a wedding in france? the fact that shes not engaged yet and saying this makes me think nothing is set in stone yet. Im sure before we were all engaged we had other ideas of what we were going to do but its different once it really does happen.

Has she looked at her options of getting married there? looked at places and prices? France is VERY expensive, i just came from there and even a small cup of coffee was 7 euros. If however she has been looking and received quotes and is fine with it and has her heart set on this, then maybe ask her about the financial side of it. Ask her about hotels in the area and how much it would cost guests and about how long would you have to be there bc going out to eat there and doing things can get pricey.

If a very good friend of mine was doing this then i would go if this was what she wanted. The good thing is that she is giving 2 years notice so i guess gives people enough time to save

HappyPlanner Posted: Jun 12, 2008 01:47 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

yeah the thing is i feel sorta torn. she was in my wedding but she didn't really have to pay for anything. i paid for dress, hair, and more than $200 in gifts...she just had to show up. she did plan my bachelorette which i am very grateful for.
also my wedding was local.

besides the things i mentioned above it will be very expensive to attend and be in her wedding. i just looked up flights because i was curious and it's around $1500 depending on which airport you fly into. and i have no idea how much accommodations are. also if my hubby goes that can very well be more than $3000 between the two of us, the list goes on. this would be even more than my hubby and i spent for our honeymoon!

needless to say, i'm very flattered she asked and will be willing to help her, bridesmaid or not. i want to be there for her, but it will definitely be a financial setback....

JodyLC Posted: Jun 12, 2008 02:05 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

I think I would worry when she is actually engaged.

HappyPlanner Posted: Jun 12, 2008 03:28 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

yup u are totally right!

Espo22 Posted: Jun 12, 2008 03:46 PM

Re: Need advice-friend needs bridemaids commitment for destination wedding 2 years away.....

Posted by HappyPlanner

yeah the thing is i feel sorta torn. she was in my wedding but she didn't really have to pay for anything. i paid for dress, hair, and more than $200 in gifts...she just had to show up. she did plan my bachelorette which i am very grateful for.
also my wedding was local.

besides the things i mentioned above it will be very expensive to attend and be in her wedding. i just looked up flights because i was curious and it's around $1500 depending on which airport you fly into. and i have no idea how much accommodations are. also if my hubby goes that can very well be more than $3000 between the two of us, the list goes on. this would be even more than my hubby and i spent for our honeymoon!

needless to say, i'm very flattered she asked and will be willing to help her, bridesmaid or not. i want to be there for her, but it will definitely be a financial setback....

yeah france is definitely alot, maybe talk to her and ask her if this is the decision she really wants to go with. Asking all her guests to spend THOUSANDS of dollars is alot to ask for. Depending when she wants to get married the flights can be even more, accomodations are not cheap. Plus while youre there youre gonna have to eat and that gets very expensive too. Not to mention you having to get a dress, then gift its alot.