need advice (long)

Since my parents split up my mom has always tried to keep me away from my dad. This led to alot of problems and my father never attending any special event in my life like graduations and sweet 16. I always have loved my dad more than my mom, but there was always too many issues.

Over the years it would be one year me and my dad are on good terms and then don't speak to each other for another. He always complained that I was too busy to see him and my half brothers. Which was due to school and working two jobs. Honestly most of our falling outs was because of my lack of time to dedicate to him. Who knows why he was never understanding of my schedule.

So the last straw was back in 2003. I had just started college and was possibly going to have to re-take a class. I was concerned about money issues for that course. Around that time was my half brothers birthday and I gave him a card. My dad called complaining that I should have given him a gift or money. Jerk! when I explained my situation he said college isn't important.

It was obvious that he cared more about my half brothers since he wanted me to spend more time with them than him. Even though my dad was missing most my life. I got sick of the yo-yo games where he gave me ultimatums to see him.

Sorry this is so long. Just needed to give a back story. Ever since then I wish things worked out between us because he is my dad. Whenever father/daughter moments were on tv I would cry hysterically. I really wanted him in my life. I would hate that I never see him again and not even know when he dies.

So last year he texted me happy birthday after all these years. He said that he's not getting any younger and wants to know why we had a falling out. That frustrated me to no end. So I decided to take the bait, but he never scheduled a meeting. He kept saying that bowling season was still on and that his kids had alot of sports events he was taking them too.

Never did he tell me when he was free. I decided to text him for fathers day and his birthday and thats it. This year my bday rolls around and he texts me again happy birthday and has a video of my brothers singing happy birthday.

Now to the question. Obviously he is a jerk and maybe I shouldn't waste my time on him. But I was wondering if I should text him that I am getting married. This is really the final event in my life left to attend. I don't want him to walk me down the aisle or dance with me because I have someone picked out for that already.

I can't justify why I want to do this. Maybe its out of spite. Or I just don't know. I'm not even thinking of inviting him yet, but just letting him know.

Girls, what should I do?

if you are sure you can handle his reaction, lack of reaction, or attendance @ the wedding, then text him. He is your father and you seem to have a spot in your heart that wants a connection.

However, if his possible reaction will hurt you or make things worse for you mentally, dont do it. I know it will suck to not have him involved or present, but it may save you even more heartache.

I just want to hug you, by the way!

Hug! Date Twin!!!!!

I am soo sorry to hear about your situation with your dad. If you and your dad are still in talking terms then I say go ahead and tell him your getting married. the last thing you want is for him to throw in your face that he found out thru other ppl that you are getting married and you didn't even say anything to him.

You can announce to him your getting married and even invite him. By just doing that the ball is in his court. Be prepared for whatever reaction he might give you but at least you'll know you did the right thing by letting him know that you are getting married so he has nothing to hold against you or throw in your face later.

Good LUck in whatever you do!

First off.... I'm sending hugs your way.

I grew up most of my life without seeing my dad either. It's a difficult situation to be in, but this is what life threw at you and now you have to work with it. I think that one of the first things you need to do it do some soul searching and healing. Right before I met FH my dad and I had a HUGE fight cause our uncle died and my cousin gave a beautiful speech and he asked me 'when I die are you going to say that I was a great daddy too?' I was like 'WHATTTTTTTTT' There is obviously too much to type on here but I went through rejections and competing for my dads attention with his wife. I think most importantly for you is that you start to heal. You are about to enter one of the most important times of your life and you don't want to bring that with you into your new life. I'm still learning to forgive and let go and there are times when I just sit around and cry and wished that I had my father there but I also thank God for the punches life threw at me cause those things have molded me to the woman I have become today. Like I said think and start to heal and then sit down ALONE with him and talk to him. He might never admit to anything that he ever did or even understand you but it's important for you to get it off of your chest. I've been there so I know what you're going through. I've now made some kind of peace with my dad and he's invited to my wedding and is very excited to be part of it. So don't rush into a decision cause this is very sensitive and important to you.


Ooops I just realized I typed too much sorry......

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Posted by CaughtMyFish

if you are sure you can handle his reaction, lack of reaction, or attendance @ the wedding, then text him. He is your father and you seem to have a spot in your heart that wants a connection.

However, if his possible reaction will hurt you or make things worse for you mentally, dont do it. I know it will suck to not have him involved or present, but it may save you even more heartache.

I just want to hug you, by the way!

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I agree with this. Hope it all works out!

I know how hard this must be to a certain extent, not as severe though. My mother died when I was young and I grew up with my dad but he was NEVER around and we lived inteh same house. Then he had a baby with a woman out of the country and he goes to spend every holiday and every other weekend with his son. Everytime I try to tell him something or about he wedding he changes the subject and I hav e to hear about what John did last weekend. He totally does not care. Despite the constant lack of interest and rejection, I still keep trying to tell him something. He's the dad and you just keep going back for more.


Although you might be setting yourself up for more rejection, I feel like if you don't tell him you will regret that just as much as if you did. I'm a big fan of leaving the ball in the other person's court....you just have to fully expecting nothing to come out of it so you don't get let down.


Sorry that you're going through this It's definitely not easy but you will get through it!!

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Posted by CaughtMyFish

if you are sure you can handle his reaction, lack of reaction, or attendance @ the wedding, then text him. He is your father and you seem to have a spot in your heart that wants a connection.

However, if his possible reaction will hurt you or make things worse for you mentally, dont do it. I know it will suck to not have him involved or present, but it may save you even more heartache.

I just want to hug you, by the way!

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ITA!

i hope everything works out for you

(((HUGS))) I managed to read your entire post without getting emotional until you said you want him to walk you down the aisle. It really touched me I'm so sorry you had to deal with this situation. He's your dad and it sounds like in his own way he does want to be part of your life. I say, if you're ready for his reaction, whatever it might be, go ahead. It's an important event in your life and you should share it with him as it's apparent that it means a lot to you. Tell him you're getting married and would like for him to be part of this important day in your life. We're here for you .

WOW, I want to give you a great big HUG! I hear you and can't imagine how you feel. Here's what I think, If you can keep your expectations low and your acceptance (of whatever the outcome may be) high, I think that you should reach out. Lately I've been saying how annoying it is to be the bigger person and do the next right thing, but for me at the end of the night, if I put my ego and hurt feelings aside, I sleep better because of it.

As for your dad, he may have a ton of insecurites and fears of his own going own. He may feel judged for never being there for you and who knows what you're mom has said to you about him...

I'm familiar with this situation more than I can write. I'll say a prayer for you. I think it's great that you're thinking of him and about letting him know. I think regardless of your motives, your heart wants you to be loving regardless of what you're going to get back.

Thanks girls for all the love! I decided I will text him later today and let you know how it goes.

good luck

I think you should at least tell him you are getting married, I think you'll regret it if you don't tell him. You can decide after you talk to him and see his reaction before you decide if you want to invite him.

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Posted by CaughtMyFish

if you are sure you can handle his reaction, lack of reaction, or attendance @ the wedding, then text him. He is your father and you seem to have a spot in your heart that wants a connection.

However, if his possible reaction will hurt you or make things worse for you mentally, dont do it. I know it will suck to not have him involved or present, but it may save you even more heartache.

I just want to hug you, by the way!

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THIS!!!