Need Advice (LONG) :(

DH and I are going on vacation next week...we are going to Vegas for 2 days, supposed to be renting a car and driving to California to visit friends for 2 days, back to Vegas for a few, then off to Grand Canyon....

Our friend in CA is pregnant. She is due the beginning of Sept. When we were originally planning the trip, DH called our friends and asked about hotels in the area. Our friends said the closest hotel was about 30 min. away, so if we stayed there we would never see them...so to stay with them.

DH is out at happy hour right now and saw his brother (whose girlfriend is very close with our friends in CA). DH's brother just told him that our friend in CA said to his girlfriend that they kinda don't want us staying there at the house with her being so pregnant and all...needless the say my DH is very upset about it....POed is more like it. He's been friends with her for 20 years - he feels she should have told him this herself...

I tried to explain to him that she is very hormonal right now - he doesn't want to hear it. He feels regardless, all she had to do was give us a call and explain the situation - not hear it through the grapevine. I said that obviously she didn't want us to hear it, but it got back to us. So Chris said 'oh, so we have to hear about it after we got home what an inconvenience we are'...I see his point, but I am afraid about how he will deal with the situation. I already offered to call her, but he refuses. He said he wants to call himself...

What do you guys think of this??????????

I think she probably didn't know what to expect in the late stages of her pregnancy...they say that many expecting mothers go through a whole house cleaning right before the baby comes...so maybe she is feeling that right now...

I say...book a hotel...and play it by ear if you see them or not...

Marni, I am sorry, as always you are right. But I totally see how Chris feels. I would tell him to cool off until Sunday and then call and tell him listen we heard this and no problem we will stay at a hotel, really not a big but then let him add listen I thought we were friends enough that if wife isn't feeling up to house guests that you would have called and let us know. We totally would have understood. He can say it in a nice way. But if he is still POed then tell him to hold off!

That's exactly what I said to Chris. That she probably had no idea how she would feel late in the pregnancy. And she is a clean 'freak' regularly, so now she is probably on overdrive, but too uncomfortable to do anything. (many men don't understand how women feel judged on their homes).

Chris is just really, really hurt that she couldn't tell him herself....that she vented to someone else and feels like a burden. He will NOT get a hotel room, thats for sure. He feels we are inconveniencing them by going at all, but feels that we were willing to drive 5 hours, so how could WE be the inconvenience?? I see his side, but I just don't think this is the time to get into it with her.

He would have been happy with just a phone call....

I'd be hurt too, especially if I was friend with someone for that long a period of time.

Tell Christ to sleep on it for now, then just rent a hotel and see how it turns out.


What part of Cali?

Maybe if you don't see them, you can still sightsee regardless?

OH that makes it a little harder!

That's the thing.....he won't even drive there if he feels we are an inconvenience......and that's how he feels whether we sleep there or not now. He said 'why would I go out of my way now and drive 5 hours when they couldn't even call us to tell us the truth - instead they tell my brother's girlfriend who she's known for 5 years'...

Ugh, I'm so torn. Cause, as a woman I know how she is probably feeling right now. I said to Chris, it's kinda like a wedding.....sometimes they are an inconvenience - far away, picking up the suit from the cleaners, paying out a lot of money - and so you vent about it. It doesn't mean you don't want to go, but you vent and get over it - NEVER intending for the couple to hear about it. Cause if they did they would be extremely hurt, no matter what you meant by the venting...

what would you do if you didn't go to CA?

If you are willing to drive 7 hours...you are more than welcomed at our house

Awwwww Erica - thanks!

Well, we could just look for rooms in Vegas and book them....that's never a problem

I know nobody can really offer me solid advice, I just don't know what to do or how to handle this........

ETA: The bottom line - Chris's brother's girlfriend probably should have just not said anything at all - our friend was probably just venting outloud because she's so uncomfortable and never ever intended for us to hear it....

I feel your pain. Patrick would have reacted the same way Chris did, and refused to stay there now.

I agree that the other girl shouldn't have said anything, but she did. I think what I would do would be to make up an excuse and stay somewhere else. I'd feel bad being an inconvenience.

Good luck deciding how to handle this sticky situation!

I think - and this is JMO - that either way, a hotel room would be better whether she wants you guys to stay there or not.

I would think someone that is 8 months pregnant is oftentimes very tired and sore. Out of a courtesy I would stay elsewhere so that if she needs a rest I would not be in the way. This is just me, though. It is only a 1/2 hour drive to go see them - that is not a long drive. Some of us drive that far to go grocery shopping!! Also, that allows you to go off and do things on your own without her feeling 'left out' if she is too tired.

I understand the preggo part.....it's getting Chris to understand - that's the hard part.....he can't see past the hurt feelings, when in actuality, when we made these plans, she had no idea how she was gonna feel...but I can't get too involved cause he's the one who was originally friends with her.....

I looked into hotels though.....so we'll see....

It's not too far from disneyland, so maybe we can go there

Marni I wish I had a solution for you. I can only say that perhaps Chris will feel a bit differently tomorrow when he has had a chance to think about this whole thing. She probably wanted to say something but didn't want to hurt either of your feelings by rescinding the invite to stay with them. It's just too bad that someone else felt it necessary to pass along that piece of info when they shouldn't have. Maybe if Chris thinks about it for a day or two he will understand and let it go. I hope so. Sorry that you are going through this.

Marni, I am sorry you have to deal with this. Maybe just get an idea about hotels just incase and wait till chris cools down a little. What was said wasn't right, but coming from a former preggo, maybe she is just moody like I was. I hope it all works out.

I can understand the preggo part, but I never would have said anything to anyone about it being an inconvience, especially to someone who is close to you guys. I can understand why Chris is upset, and his brother's GF should never had said anything. I think Chris should call his friend once he calms down, and lets her know how he feels, if they have been friends for 20 years she should be understanding. You don't want him to go there with hard feelings and they end up arguing whenyou get there. Hell hath no fury like a hormonal woman I hope you enjoy your trip though