Need advice...(long... sorry)

Need advice...(long... sorry)

I'm not in your shoes so I don't know exactly how I would feel but there is obviously some underlying jealousy on her part. She just may be one of those girls where everything needs to be about her & she doesn't know how to be happy for other people. I'd try not to let it bother you. I wouldn't share many wedding details with her, because it sounds like she is they type of person to steal them. It definitely hurts your feelings when certain people you want to spend this happy time with are not interested in your happiness. I've had this happen with family & it just really hurts your feelings. I'd limit your contact with her, because she will probably just keep hurting you. Good luck & feel better.

Need advice...(long... sorry)

I would definitely be annoyed at those little comments she's making. Let's be honest, everyone pictures their wedding day being all about them and their spouse. I would be upset if someone who is supposed to be my good friend kept throwing wedding things in my face and didn't ask me about my wedding.

Is is possible that she doesn't realize that she's saying/doing hurtful things to you? While I'm not justifying what she did, maybe she just got so excited about being engaged and wanted to show you the ring that she got all caught up in the moment. The phrase 'since you took December' is pretty harsh though. Is it possible to talk to her abouit? I would mention that you had a vision and you went for it before she was even engaged. Maybe invite her to go to bridal showcases with you so you can help each other with ideas without 'taking' each other's. It might even be a good way to bring you both closer!

Need advice...(long... sorry)

I'm so sorry you're going through this!!!

There will always be people in the world, sometimes even your closest friends, who will not be happy for you.

I have a friend from high school who I didn't keep in touch with afterward, who I recently ran into. Because of facebook, we each knew the other was engaged, and the first thing we both said to each other upon running into each other was 'CONGRATS! Let me see your ring!'

On the other hand, one of my best friends for the past 8 years, who is one of my bridesmaids, told me last week that I'm too 'dramatic' and that the entire world isn't about me and my wedding. This is a girl who, the day after I got engaged, when I saw her, said 'I'm sure (her bf) will be able to afford a bigger diamond, since he has a better job than (my FH.' (I'm not even going to get into that comment, because there are so many things wrong with it.)

Even if she is a close friend, some people just aren't secure in themselves. You seem to have a clear vision of when you wanted your wedding to be, where you want it to be, and the theme. You are also marrying someone who, it seems, has helped you mellow out a bit. (My FH does the same thing to me.) To me, it seems that she is insecure about herself, and therefore is trying to drag you down with her. Or she thinks you have really good ideas and is trying to copy them, except do them first, which you should take as a compliment!

I would have to say not to let her get to you. I'm sure everyone you talk to about this says the same thing, but it's just not worth letting her get to you. You were friends before, hopefully you'll be friends afterward. If you don't compete with her, and don't let her know she's getting to you, she'll hopefully stop her nonsense. Just don't tell her anything about your wedding. Don't tell her which vendors you're using, what personal touches you're including, or anything like that. Not to be mean, but just to insure that if something is duplicated between you and her, it is by pure coincidence.

Hope this helped!

Need advice...(long... sorry)

I agree with everything being said. Sounds like a big jealousy issue and we all get jealous from time to time.

Need advice...(long... sorry)

All I'm gonna say is BBC B****** Be Crazy!

That and I have a friend VERY similar! Honestly she was one of my best friends since we were 11 and I was a BM at her wedding in 2010, then things completely changed. It all boils down to jealousy. Sadly, I didn't ask her to stand by my side that day because I don't feel like she's genuinely happy/supportive of me anymore! And honestly? She sounds like she wants to skin you and wear you like last seasons versaci...Just do you and be happy, ignore her!

Re: Need advice...(long... sorry)

Need advice...(long... sorry)

I completely understand both sides of this.

My FH and I have been together for over 8 years, and we have spoken about marriage for a long time. We had our ups and downs, and broke up a few times (girls in their early 20s can be stupid, even if they know they've found the man of their dreams).

For the past 2 years, we have spoken more and more about marriage, and it seemed that every time a friend got engaged, I felt that twang of jealousy.

BUT...I never once felt that it was a race to the altar or expressed any competition or meanspiritedness toward these friends. Even when FHs sister got engaged 2 months before us, when we thought she had no desire to get married, the thing that I felt most was happiness for her.

Some girls don't know how to express jealousy in a constructive way. She could have spoken to you and explained that she had also had a vision, and while not wanting to duplicate your ideas, she still wanted to stick to as much of that vision as she could. THAT would have been ok, and you could have handled it in the way you seem to want to, which is a mature adult conversation and some compromise. Instead, as you said, she showed her true colors. Hopefully after this, she won't feel the need to compete with you, but it's in your friendship's best interest (and your sanity) to just let this one roll off your shoulders.

I also want to commend you for not freaking out on her, because it takes a lot of composure to instead take the time and get outside opinions on how to handle it. You're absolutely entitled to be upset. And you're DEFINITELY not crazy!

Need advice...(long... sorry)

Grrrr...I have had friends like this before... I totally feel for you because I am sure people who are not in your shoes don't understand. My philosophy is that friends are supposed to make each other's lives better, and if they are not, something needs to change. It sounds like you two have a history so its not that you should throw away the friendship, but maybe the two of you should just step back for a while. For you, it is not fair (in the big picture of life) that the time between engagement and your wedding was filled with questioning your feelings, stress, and like you have to hide anything from anyone. For her, maybe she's pissed that her FH didn't think that it might be annoying to ask her to get married 2 weeks after her friend! I could see her mom or someone close saying 'You have to enjoy your moment, don't worry that (you) is also engaged'.

Ok this is how I relate. I am not sure if I am more your friend or more you in my situation. My cousin and his gf are 28 years old and have been together for nearly 10 years. Everyone has been wondering when they would get engaged for years, but it never seemed to be happening. I, at age 22, got engaged to my FH- we had been dating for 3 years at the time. Two months later, they get engaged. I truly am happy for them, but with me having a long engagement, I was engaged before and will be married after. So does that mean I cant talk about wedding details when we have family gatherings, because I would be stealing their thunder? I am not sure, but that's definitely what it feels like. To make things worse, they arent doing anything yet!! She wants to wait to look at dresses, and they havent sent out save the dates. I am sorry, I am not a last minute person so even though they will be married about a year before me, I am doing these things already!

So to sum up, my advice is to keep your space. Do what makes you happy, because you can't let someone else's poor planning ruin your moment in the sun.

Re: Need advice...(long... sorry)

You definitely have the right to be upset. She doesn't seem like she is genuinely happy, because being engaged and getting married shouldn't be a competition. FH's cousin got engaged in December and are planning their wedding for a month before ours. I was annoyed at first only because I feel like it's a burden to ask family to come in from out of town twice in two months, but I'm really happy for them so I don't care.

If I were you, I would try my best to not think about it. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's not your fault you got engaged first and booked your wedding first. And just out of curiosity, did she always talk about having a winter wedding? Or did she only decide that she needed to have it once it became a want what you can't have thing?

Don't stress about it, hopefully she will come around and if not then you see where your friendship stands.

Good luck!!

Re: Need advice...(long... sorry)