OK so My Fh sister lives in fl. We used to be friends when she lived here(but moved away 5 years ago) We never even talk any more. So wouldnt you know she calls out ot the blue(FH never talks to her either), gets me on the phone saying ' aww now we're gonna be SILs'!! Then she says ' SOOOOOOO do i get to be a bridesmaid? It's ok if you say no but i wanted to know' OMG i had to say yes... at first i lied and said that i hadn't started to figure that out yet(even though i had), Then she called again like a day later and asked again so i caved and said' of course' That was 3 months ago and i havent heard from her since... So do you think it would be horrible to kinda faze her out? I know thats horrible but if she really wanted to be involved then shouldnt she be calling me? ok advice pleace?
KrisD72310
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
Unfortunately I don't think you can faze her out really. You already said yes to her. Not that she should've even asked you to begin with.
Nichole2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
ehhh i think if you really want to, its ok to faze her out..
i was in the process of fazing someone out, but then she found out another way that i didnt want her in my wedding and she cut herself out. so she was the first BM that i kicked out.
i also recently kicked out my MOH too. lol i know, im awful!!!!! but i have a much better bridal party, a wonderful MOH, and I am confident with my final decision!
elisa112101
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
i wish i had been more selective with who i asked! after i got engaged i also asked this other girl that i dont even really talk to anymore... i should have just had my Sister(MOH) and my 2 best friends(BM) and thats it!!
FutureMrsM
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
I see the situation that you are in and i feel for you, but, yes, I think it would be horrible to faze her out. Even though you don't talk that much any more she is going to be your SIL for life, that's one boat I wouldn't rock, especially since you told her yes. You want to be welcomed into FH's family, not hated... I don't think the reaction from something like fazing her out is something you want to deal with for the rest of your marriage.
Julesg1230
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
I wouldn't just try to faze her out because it may backfire at some point. I would actually tell her in some way that you are 'rethinking' the bridal party or something.
OR talk to your FH about it. It's not fair that she put you on the spot about it.
DanielleMF
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
I understand where you are coming from- but i think fazing her out might not be the best thing- it might cause issues somewhere down the line.
Maybe you can give her a call and see how things are and when she is coming up to look for dresses or something and see what kind of feedback you get.
LIVineBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
I certainly don't think that you can faze her out. She will be your SIL and that's not something you want hanging over you. Maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she doesn't know what is expected of a BM. Make sure you keep her in the loop, too, because it's hard when she's so far away to stay connected.
Tfridkin
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
I agree you can't faze her out. I would just tell her what is expected of her Future SIL's can be pain's I just saw what my Best friend went through ugh!!! Good luck!!!!!
MisyMiss32
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
You know I wish I had advice for you but I am kind-of stuck myself...I am still wondering how to unask someone from being a part of my Bridal party without losing their friendship. You see when I asked them they were a great friend but lately they have really gotten crappy at the whole Friend-Wedding thing. I'm confused myself ????????????? Good luck in your decision though
FuTuRe MrS MaZz
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
You are having doubts to begin with and on top of it, shes not showing any interest... give her the boot now... seriously, learn from my mistake!!!!
Just tell her you decided to go smaller with your bp and sorry, but you cant have her in it... and be done with the whole situation... seems rude at first but you'll thank me ... maybe ask her if she can participate in some other way like doing a reading or something
M_Berk-Glenn
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
Posted by LIVineBride09
I certainly don't think that you can faze her out. She will be your SIL and that's not something you want hanging over you. Maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she doesn't know what is expected of a BM. Make sure you keep her in the loop, too, because it's hard when she's so far away to stay connected.
ITA keep her updated and if she doesnt do her part then she eliminates herself...Its better that way. you dont want to be the 'bad' person and that 'kicked' your FSIL (her) out the wedding do you?
TheFutureMrsPM
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
IMO you can not faze her out (what does your FH say?) but you can talk to her and let her know that she needs to shape up or ship out (in a nicer way of course). If you really dont want her in ur BP I think you can find a way to tell her but, I do not think its a good idea to just faze her out. again this is JMO
StaceYums81
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
No - I don't think it sounds like anything personal people lose touch over the years after they move away but she is family now so I think you should include her...
FutureJOC
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
I don't think you can faze her out at this point but I gotta say I think that is extremely rude that she put you on the spot like that.
Lady12
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Advice Please!!!
Faze her out for your sake! Talk to your fiance about how you are feeling and let her know that you are going with a smaller BP and that you didnt think she was still interested since she has not been involved, or that it is uneven, whatever. For me at least it is extremely important to have people who are going to be there for me when I need them and are as excited as I am about the wedding, you deserve that too!! She might be upset at first, but this day is about you! Through this planning process is easy to get caught up in the 'what will people say or feel' that we loose sight of who the wedding is for!
