need advice re: BM issue (rather long)

we're only allowed 5 BMs & 5 GMs (long story so please don't ask why). i know even before i had a boyfriend who i want to be my BM - the 5 best women i have ever known. here's the catch: FI has 2 sisters and he wants me to have them as my BM....

that would mean me kicking out 2 of my BEST friends. since childhood. it really wouldn't be an issue with me doing that IF i were close to his sisters but unfortunately, i am not. they live out of state and i rarely get the chance to really get to know them.

as a bride, i feel that making both of his sisters as BM is not a good way to start the process of getting-to-know-yous. specially when i'm in my wedding-planning mode (looking for my gown, my bm gown,my flowers, etc.) i would really want to just have my bestfriends as my BMs since they are the ones who are helping me plan my dream wedding.

FI wants both of his sis as BMs even if they have not even congratulated me on my engagement nor have even asked if i needed any help (fyi: we've been engaged for about 6 months already! we know the same people and everyone knows were getting married!). It's really hard for me to give up those who genuinely vocally expressed their happiness for our engagement versus women who i'm trying to figure out if they really are happy for us.

as a compromise, i told FI that we could make 1 of his sis as BMs and he gets to pick who it would be. now my question is, who has to ask the sister? can FI do this? or do i have to do it? (honestly, i really do not want to be the one to ask because i do not feel that they want to take part seeing that it's been 6 months and i've not heard anything from them)

TIA!

Maybe you could both ask her? Together? If that's not an option, I guess you should ask since it's your Bridal party.

Do you think there's a chance she will say no?

If you have to bounce one of your best friends out, maybe ask her to do a reading at the ceremony.

HTH!

This is a very odd situation imo. Mainly because you say you can't have anymore then 5 BM's. If you didn't say that then i'd say just have 7 (haha.. just).

But this is a tough one. If you don't put them in will they and your future in-laws understand and is this just FH's issue or is it a whole in law issue. If it's just FH i'd say stand up for what you want. If he wants them invovled they can be readers if your having a full mass. If your not then i'm sure there are other ways for them to be involved.

However, if it's a whole in-law issue then, just to save face I'd include them. Your friends will understand faster then your in-laws will. If you decide to stick with what you mentioned, having one of his sisters in the BP, then imo it's your place to ask them.

OR

Tell FH that there are no rules anymore with BP's. If he wants them in he can have them stand on his side and he can have 2 less groomsmen. I like that decision.

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Posted by AdriandSteve

This is a very odd situation imo. Mainly because you say you can't have anymore then 5 BM's. If you didn't say that then i'd say just have 7 (haha.. just).

But this is a tough one. If you don't put them in will they and your future in-laws understand and is this just FH's issue or is it a whole in law issue. If it's just FH i'd say stand up for what you want. If he wants them invovled they can be readers if your having a full mass. If your not then i'm sure there are other ways for them to be involved.

However, if it's a whole in-law issue then, just to save face I'd include them. Your friends will understand faster then your in-laws will. If you decide to stick with what you mentioned, having one of his sisters in the BP, then imo it's your place to ask them.

OR

Tell FH that there are no rules anymore with BP's. If he wants them in he can have them stand on his side and he can have 2 less groomsmen. I like that decision.

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I like this last option too.

IMO, I def would keep your friends, not his sisters.

And I def def would not pick 1 sister and not the others.

2011 Crasher...

I wouldn't kick out your best friends from childhood. I'm not sure why you can only have 5 BMs, but whatever the reason - try to explain it to FH's sisters and his family. Maybe you can try to make it work the with sisters - have them be your readers, include them in your pictures, put them at the BP table, etc. -- without making them 'official' BMs.

I don't have a limit on the number of BMs, so I am definitely including my FH's 2 sisters. In exchange, my FH is having my brother as one of his GM.

Hope that helps, and hope it works out!