Need Advice - with the future inlaws

I am having a problem with my future family. They do not treat DF and his sister equally. They do everything for the sister and nothing for DF and it makes me so angry. The bought her a house, paid for her wedding, and now she is pregnant, they are buying everything for her, yet they have done none of these things for DFb. They have not even bought us an engagement present and we have been engaged for over 3 months. DF does not understand why I am upset about this and I do not understand why he doesn not care. Any advice?

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

I have the same situation with my fmil. She does everything and I mean EVERYTHING for my fi's sister and hardly anything for my fi. First off she paid for part of the his sisters wedding and etc. etc. etc. She also paid off the girl's loans from college because - she couldn't expect her new husband to have to go into a marriage having to pay it back. And it's not that I care so much but, she hasn't given my fi a dime as far as anything's concerned - when I know she has it. And it just bothers me because she's constantly on his case and I truly feel that he deserves everything his sister gets and more. It's hard to explain what this lady is like, but from my past posts about her - I'm sure you can get the jist (sp?).
THe best advice I could give you is that if your fi is like mine (and sees nothing wrong with the way the mother is) - just let it go because they've been dealing with it their whole lives and are used to being treated like that.
I've voiced my opinion with my fi and have gotten nowhere.
So, I'm keeping my mouth shut (for now). But, come the time that we have our own house, kids, etc. and she dares to open her mouth - that's when she'll get both barrels from me.

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

I would just leave it alone. If your FH doesn't mind, I wouldn't keep bringing it up. These people will be your family and you have to be very careful how you treat them or talk about them. I don't agree with how differently they treat the two of them and you are right to feel that way. But if it doesn't bother FH, I would not say anything.

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

I agree with Novemberbride...if it doesn't bother him then try to let it go. These people are going to be your family so there is no sence starting a battle that your FH is not even willing to fight.

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

These type of situations are unfair, but happen in many families. They cause resentments, family freud and fights. Honestly what your in-laws do or don't do for their children is not something that should concern you. It is their money and if they want to buy one sibling the World and the other nothing that is their decision. Of course, they have to live with the consquences such as their other children not wanting to see them or feeling angry towards them. Just be grateful that you don't owe these people anything. Don't allow their unfair behavior to effect your happiness. Don't ask them for anything, but don't give anything either.

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

I am in the same situation with my in-laws. I call my fiance the 'forgotten child'. In his house the world revolves around his sisters and his brother. I feel so sorry for him. He was upset that all of my family and friends had given us engagement presents but nothing from his family. Not even a card. It doesn't even bother me anymore. I try to do all I can for him and so does my mom and dad. he's the son they never had.

Forget about what your in-laws do or don't for the other siblings. You'll just end uo getting yourself upset and fighting with your husband.

If I have to have my wedding compared to his sister's wedding one more time I might explode. So now I don't say anything to them about the planning which is sad b/c I thought they would want to be more involved.

The last paragraph was just a moment to vent. Sorry

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

I am in a similar boat. After argument after argument I have had with FH I am just letting it go. It still bothers me ALOT!!
FH doesn't see there is a problem. But once I have my own place and not have to see and hear all these things about his mother always helping his sister I will be more at ease. For now I just bite my tongue and hold it in. Let's see how long that will be true! I have only lasted one week.

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

I'm not exactly in the same boat, as my FH is an only child. We did have pleanty of disagreements over financial situations and the lack of his parents helping out at all!!!! (Even after we asked!!) I was so fired up because I couldn't understand why his parents weren't helping with anything. I mean it's their sons wedding! After countless hours of fighting I realized that it was no fun and this is suppose to be a fun time, planning our wedding. So, I just decided to throw in the towel and learned that he was already embarrassed about the situation but accepted it for what it was. I realized that if he could accept it, I could too. It's hard because you care so much, but you can't change them.

Re: Need Advice - with the future inlaws

My FH has two siblings and we didn't expect his parents to pay for much. They haven't offered to help with the wedding except to pay for the rehearsal dinner. However, I love how they add their two cents about how we should have a band, have certain entrees, have nicer favors, etc. And his mom criticizes other weddings and acts like a snob when she doesn't even realize how much a wedding is on LI. I can only imagine what she tells people about our wedding. She's expecting to see an elegant and extravagant wedding when I haven't seen a single Benjamin come our way to help pay for it!!! However, they helped pay for his brother's and I'm sure they will pay it all for his sister's. I always tell my FH that he is the forgotten middle child.