Need advice...kinda long...

Ladies I have a dilemma that was not one till tonight and in my mind it still is not a dilemma. But I need your opinions...

My FSIL and FBIL were talking to FH and mentioned that there was a large gap of time between the church and reception. 2:30 church and 7CH. So they were concerned with what to do with their family, including their cousins and such. So FH was like maybe we could move the church to 4. I said I did not want to do that because it is dark out by 5 in November so we would not be able to take pictures outside. He said well we could take pictures before...my response is I do not like that idea, I do not want to do that. I said if your sister is willing to have your family in her home we could pay for trays of cold cuts and such to be delivered. Well his response is that she is basically embarrassed by her home because it is not as big as her cousins homes or as nice. I told him why is she embarrassed at least she owns a very nice home in a nice area. Oh and to top it off FSIL and FBIL have mentioned that they do not want to be asked to be in the wedding party. Which is fine with me but FH is very wishy washy. 2 of my sisters did not want to be in it either which is fine with me.

Now I know it is sort of a long time between church and reception but I do not expect everyone to come to the church. I said to FH gently that what I am concerned with is me and him on the day of the wedding not where guests are going after the church. It is a Sunday during football season SO they could go to a pub near the church. I am not worried, but now I am a little pi$$ed that FSIL planted these seeds in his head when all this stuff was settled! She has not offered and said you know what you do not worry about it I will have people here at the house. Just to ease her own brothers concerns which were not a concern till she brought it up!!!! The date and times for the church has been set since November and the reception since December and now she brings this up. Am I under any obligation to try and change anything?

Thanks ladies in advance! Sorry I needed to vent!

You are under no obligation at all to change anything! Explain to FH that even if you were willing to move up the church time, the church might not be willing too since most churches have a 5 PM mass on Sunday, which is why they gave you an early start time to begin with. This is very common during weddings! My friend's church was at 1 PM and her cocktail hour wasn't until 7! Just because she is embarassed of her house doesn't mean you have to rearrange your entire day...for ONE person! She will have to get over it!!!!!

You should not feel like you have to change your plans. Many people have a ceremony and hours later have a party. this gives people time to go back home or to their hotel room and relax and change into something more fancy for an evening party. It's only a few hours, it's not the end of the world. all of the out of towners will get together or do their own thing. Don't worry about it. If someone such as your FSIL or FBIL feel that something should be planned - by all means let them plan something.

im kindve half and half on this one to be honest. For me personally, it wasnt an option to have so much time in between. My reception is immediately following the ceremony b/c thats what i wanted. However, i also do understand that due to time conflicts sometimes it is really unavoidable and it shouldnt become a big deal. People could get together and a find a place to hang out for a few hours on a sunday.

If she brings this up b/c she is trying to help you then she should offer to have people gather at her house to make her brother feel more comfortable and at ease.

don't change a thing.

as a matter of fact, I don't know that you COULD change a thing - my church (and most others) have a 5 pm mass on Saturdays, so you couldn't have a 4 pm mass if you wanted to.

I'd ask the church, and if (most likely) they tell you no 4 pm, then that is your answer for the family. Sorry - can't do it - it's out of my hands.

Let them figure out what to do - they're grown ups - this happens all the time.

You have enough to plan.

We had a bunch of time in between, and the church and reception hall were only 5 minutes apart. And, all of our guests were from OOT. We gave them many options to choose. We labeled about 5 bars/restaurants in the area. Also, some people went back to the hotel to freshen up.

People will find something to do, but give them options because not everybody knows the area. Also, if you give in to their demands on this, they will just come up with more to b!tch about. It's in their nature. The day is about you and FH, not about appeasing everybody.

WHOA!!!!!!! I just saw you're having your reception at the Watermill. My friend just had their reception there and they were wondering what to do with extra time before the cocktail hour. The Watermill actually had options for them, including a 'coffee hour' or something. Talk to the Watermill.

Well don't know what church you are getting married at but if its a catholic church then its very likely that you wouldn't even be able to do a 4pm ceremony...Catholic churches have 5pm mass and you would have to be out of there by a certain time to give them enough time to clean up and set up, also theres confession right before mass.

I have a big gap but i can't do anything about it, most catholic churches maybe 3:30pm you can get the latest time and some are even 3:00 the latest.

Listen many weddings have big gaps, and just like you said not everyone will go to both the ceremony and reception...We all have been to weddings with a big gap in between and guess what it didn't turn into a big deal, guests find a way.

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Posted by Kimbalina

NOPE, ignore her. I would be a little annoyed too.

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agree

Many wedding now-a-days have a large gap between the3 church and the reception- mine included. Our church begins at 2:30- it's a full mass, so I don't expect to be out of there until after 4- with the receiving line and pictures. Our CH starts at 7 and East Wind is about a 30-40 minute drive from our house. So by the time we take some pictures somewhere (not sure where) guests can drive on out to EW- have a few drinks- maybe a snack at the bar - check in if they are staying there- possibly change their outfits if they didn't want to wear it to the church, etc. There are TONS they can do.

It's YOUR day, try to talk to your FH about why you need all the time- he will understand.