Need help - cousin's enagement party

Okay well my cousin booked his wedding with is girlfriend before they were engaged. no issues even though it was done right as fh and i formally announced our engagement. Their wedding is in August and ours in March of 08.

Thing is i always figured since we are so close in time that we wouldn't do gifts and we even talked about, etc and my cousin and i agreed. We sent each other engagement cards for congrats w/ no money. But my family has all ready given a engagement gift after they were official announced and engaged.

Now fast forward 9 months later and now they are doing an engagement party. Which is fine and I am happy for them to be apart of this but now what? I have to give something!!!! My mom has this crystal bowl she had purchased as an extra gift for any wedding coming up. I hate doing it but I can't afford to give money at this time. They have not registered anywhere - so do i give the nice crystal bowl or just suffer take back cans and bottles to give them $50?

Another problem is my family (mother , father, bro and sister in law) has given money to them when they got engaged do they now give them another gift?

This is why I refused to have an engagement party. We knew if we waited till summer people had given us some money and that would leave us in a odd situation like I am in.

SO PLEASE HELP!!!

Engagement party gifts are optional according to etiquette.

If you two discussed not giving a gift...then I'm sure a gift wouldn't be necessary.

She is probably just happy to have you there.

Normally I would say to give $$ but if you guys discussed it.. then I don't think it should be a problem.. unless they are having it a place where they pay per person and then I kinda feel like you should pay for your plate.. I dunno it's a super tough situation

thanks girls i think i am just going to be direct at ask my cousin directly if this goes under the lines of no gifties. I hate being so direct but its like what do i do..haha they are having it as a backyard BBQ so i am sure its catered but its not in a hall or restaurant.

As far as for my family.. i am sure they will be happy to know they gave and they dont' need to give anymore

I am sure both of them invited us to be there not just to give gifts... its just we don't want to be 'those' people that go to a party and we should of given a gift IoI

if you talked about it then, you probably dont need to give a gift.

I'm the type that I would feel the need to give something. a crystal bowl is fine. we were not registered for our eparty and a few people decided to give a gift rather than money, they just purchased something they thought we would like.

so basically, if you feel you want to give something, go with the crystal bowl or purchase a gift that is inexpensive that they could use. But in this case, again being that you spoke about it, you dont have to give a gift

hope that made sense

I think giving that bowl that your mom has is a good idea, I mean i know u guys talked about it and now shes having a party, id feel weird going without giving something, even if u got a nice frame from bed bath beyond for like 15 or 20 bucks, at least its something, or you can give the bowl.

Or you can not go and that way your out of giving them anything

this is funny that u posted this! i posted something similar a while back about my e party coming up and people to invite- and who gave gifts already and how would they feel ect

if people already gave a gift they DO NOT have the give another one.

since u and ur cousin already talked about not giving gifts then u can ask them again about the e party but u might want to bring a plant or something but ONLY if u want to.