I have been doing a little fenagling with my parents who have agreed to pay for my reception. We can swing the Riviera (by far my first choice of a hall) with 120 people but we have 70 people on our 'A' list. My FH's side of the family (aside from my FH and I) are not contributing anything to our wedding. We (he) asked if they would consider paying for the photography and video and they politely declined. Would it be completely improper to suggest to them that my side gets 70 people and they get 50? Is this going to start a war? My mother thinks if she is footing the bill she should be able to have more people then they do and I'm beginning to agree. Help!
hbradio
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Re: Need help for Riviera
I would tend to agree with your mother but I am not sure what etiquette states regarding that.
mrswask
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Re: Need help for Riviera
Like you said - I don't know if it's going to start a war - but I would agree. I think 50 is even very generous considering that they are not contributing. DH's parents did not contribute much for the wedding but they did pay for their guests - if your FIL's are in the position to pay for their guests, I think that's he least they could do!
eogara
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Re: Need help for Riviera
I'd go with 50 for them and tell them that anything over that they'll have to pay for. I don't think that's an issue.
Valentinegirl
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Re: Need help for Riviera
Just tell them they have 50 invites and don't mention how many your family has.
littlewilson
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Re: Need help for Riviera
Would it be completely improper to suggest to them that my side gets 70 people and they get 50? Is this going to start a war? My mother thinks if she is footing the bill she should be able to have more people then they do and I'm beginning to agree. Help!
I think that whoever is paying for the wedding has the right to a lot of say the planning - that is, if they choose to, rather than leaving the decisions to you and FH.
If you are limited to 120 invites, and your mom insists on having 70 of them, then you can express it that way to FH's folks (i.e. 'my mom is paying and won't budge'). On the other hand, if your mom is leaving it up to you, you won't have quite as convenient an explanation and would have to say something like 'we decided that since my mom is paying, she gets more invites'.
Either way, whether you are justified or not in doing this, I would not say that there won't be an issue. Depending on how FH's family feels, there may definitely be bad feelings, and there's probably no way around that.
Based on what you've said, I do have some questions though: - You don't mention how many people are on FH's side's 'A' list Are you even sure it's too many? - Are you saying that your budget can accomodate 120 invites, or 120 guests? If it's 120 guests, then you could probably safely invite 140 or so, expecting a 15-25% decline rate (depending on the day/time of the wedding, number of out-of-towners, etc.)
Good luck! I would have to say that the guest list was by far the most difficult part of the planning process for us.
cmastro25
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Re: Need help for Riviera
I would talk to your FH. If your parents are footing they bill, they have to right to request certain things. It might start a war, but I don't think it's an unreasonable request to have more people at the wedding when your FILs aren't contributing at all.
nferrandi
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Re: Need help for Riviera
It is completely reasonable for you to tell FILs that they can only invite a certain amount of people. Just let them know that they're welcome to invite more than that (as long as your room can hold more), but they will need to pay for the extra invitations and guests. It's then up to them to decide if they want to stick to 50 or pay for their extra guests.
halfpintny
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Re: Need help for Riviera
Thank you ladies! I feel so much better now. I am 'penciled' in at the Riviera for September 4, 2005. In the end I had to agree with my parents. If they're not paying then even giving them 50 guests is generous. I don't know how they are going to feel about it but hopefully it wont be too upsetting for everyone.
salsbride06
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Re: Need help for Riviera
i am going to agree with your mom. i know alot of people that were in the same situation as you and that is what they did. they paid for it they invited who they wanted.
