Need help Girls

cantsay Posted: Mar 16, 2009 03:59 PM

Need help Girls

Ill try to make it short..

Ok im supposed to get married in 6 months..
I love my FH and he loves me that isnt an issue, we are bff's..but the spark has kinda faded.. we both say we are both still attracted and etc..so we both think its one another ya know.. I mean i know the beginning of every relationship is the best and it fades in time..its not gone completely..
i kno for me personally im not happy with my body i put on some weight so im not feeling so hot lately..but im working on that now.
So we live together now for about 2 yrs, FH decided to leave the other night and said its just for alittle and its to help us. that maybe if he sleeps back at his mothers for a little the something we are missing will come back..
Im not ok with that, I said if u want to leave for a little then we break up for this time,and cancel wedding.. he said no, the wedding is still on and wants to hang out like everyday..he calls and askes me to dinner, movies,etc.. and i keep saying no..

am i wrong?

I guess he sees it as bringing the spark back by being apart for alittle and i see it as how can i marry someone in 6 months who is sleeping back home..

wo0shply Posted: Mar 16, 2009 04:02 PM

Re: Need help Girls

I know how you feel, I think you need to be truthful to him and tell him you're not willing to live apart from him. You have a right to feel that way. Maybe you should suggest having dinner at home and talking and having movie nights instead of him leaving.

I hope that helps.

AdriandSteve Posted: Mar 16, 2009 04:04 PM

Re: Need help Girls

maybe think about couples counseling for awhile.

HTH

ladycapricorn Posted: Mar 16, 2009 04:07 PM

Re: Need help Girls

ugh I'm so sorry you are going through this. I think you should do what's best for you, do what you can to get yourself straight if you don't feel good about yourself. I'm not sure about the whole FH leaving the house to go back to Mom's house. Is that what he will do when you guys are married?? That's not cool. You guys should be able to work things out under the same roof. This is really hard but, if it were me & I felt the flame burning out, I would do some different things, like rent a nice hotel room, bottle of wine & get freaky!! LOL. You know like different stuff & see how that works but as of right now, I would be thinking twice about getting married. & I would take him up on his offer to go to dinner & see how that goes but he needs to move back home for sure.

Nina1010 Posted: Mar 16, 2009 04:08 PM

Re: Need help Girls

Sometime the wedding process can be stressful for both of you and maybe its taking its toll. Be honest with him and make suggestions for bringing the spark night. Perhaps take turns coming up with ideas for Date night or be spontaneous. There are other ways to bring the spark back.

Couples counseling, either thru a counselor or church / spiritual advisor is very helpful. They can help open the lines of communication bt. you. Sometimes we get very comfortable with eachother we forget to speak about our feelings or we tune eachother out. It helped so many people I know. Its worth a shot.

Felice917 Posted: Mar 16, 2009 05:55 PM

Re: Need help Girls

I am so sorry to hear this, but it is something that you need to talk to him about. FH and I have been together for more than 10 years, so I understand that these things happen. It is possible that the wedding is stressful on both of you, or maybe he misses his family and feels like after marriage he will no longer be so close to his family. There are lots of possibilities, but, most importantly, you need to talk to him.

Lots of people can be together in good times, but it is making it through the tough times that make you stronger as a couple. You can try a couples counselor if you don't feel comfortable speaking to him directly or if you feel you need someone helping the process along. It is important that you find the right counselor to work with both you if you choose to do this. The counselor should not take sides but should help you communicate with one another and help each person understand what the other is going through. If you can fugure this out now, and work together, then you will be stronger as a couple.

If it is just a physical affection thing, there are lots of things to do to re-build the spark, so don't give up. One thing that works for me is if we experience something new together. We might go to a museum for the first time, or do a project around the house, or go to a new park to take a walk together. It helps to build the bond and create unique experiences between the two of you so that you feel more connected. Feel free to FM me if you like.

ballnchain1010 Posted: Mar 16, 2009 06:03 PM

Re: Need help Girls

Are you guys catholic? Did you do pre-cana yet?

It may sound odd.......but pre-cana 2 weeks ago sparked up our relationship, and reminded us both why we wanted to get married in the first place. (after being engaged over 2 yrs already, you go through ups and downs of excitement) but now with the wedding only 7 months away, we are more excited than ever.

I agree with the previous post to try counseling or if you are catholic, pre-cana.

beebs341 Posted: Mar 16, 2009 06:09 PM

Re: Need help Girls

Posted by ballnchain1010

Are you guys catholic? Did you do pre-cana yet?

It may sound odd.......but pre-cana 2 weeks ago sparked up our relationship, and reminded us both why we wanted to get married in the first place. (after being engaged over 2 yrs already, you go through ups and downs of excitement) but now with the wedding only 7 months away, we are more excited than ever.

I agree with the previous post to try counseling or if you are catholic, pre-cana.

I haven't attended pre-cana yet, but friends of mine have, and they totally agree. It really teaches you patience and compromising. I hope everything works out for you.

bride2b57 Posted: Mar 16, 2009 11:08 PM

Re: Need help Girls

I agree with the above posts. Couples counseling maybe the best bet. As one of you already said, will this go on when you are married? Communication is key in any relationship. I would talk about what each of you feel is missing in the relationship and go from there. There will always be times when things will become routine. A couples counselor may help the both of you learn to communicate your needs to one another and suggest ways to get through boring times. It always helps to get another view on the relationship from an outsider.

italgal Posted: Mar 17, 2009 08:58 AM

Re: Need help Girls

Things are not always going to be rosie. My FH and I have been together for a long time & have been living together for a long time. There are times I wish he would go to his Mom's now and than.
The fact that he is trying to get the spark back & still wants to get married is positive. Let him do his thing........I know it's hokie but 'absense makes the heart grow fonder' In 6 months the two of you will be together forever. There is a strong posability that this absense will make your wedding much more special. Hang in there girl.....you'll be fine!