Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

I used to have this best friend we'll call Joe. Joe and I were friends for about 10 years and we were inseperable. He was like my little brother. Anyway, we had this huge falling out last year and since then I just havent been able to forgive him. We are not speaking to each other (my choice) but with all the years of friendship, he has grown VERY close to my FH and is still friends with a couple of my cousins. When we got engaged FH asked me if he could ask Joe to be in the bridal party. I adamantly refused not only because of our falling out but because he dated both my best friends and dumped them to the point where they are both disgusted by him. To make a long story short although he is not in the BP, FH is under the impression that we are inviting him to the wedding. Over the past few months the only really heated arguments FH and I have gotten into has always come down to Joe. Joe is single and loves to club. Its not in FH nature to club (he never wants to go with me when I ask him), but he's made it a point to go out with Joe every week to what I thought was a sports bar. I come to find out they were going to a club. Dont get me wrong I totally trust FH 100%, but it makes me feel insecure knowing FH is going out with a bunch of single guys that are looking to hook up. I asked him to stop going, and he didnt give me any problems about it. But FH is still very loyal to him, even after he the fact that he knows how badly Joe burned me. So about 2 months ago my cousin had a party and everyone was invited including Joe. At first I thought I would be ok with it, but when I saw him I literally got sick to my stomach. I avoided him all night and wherever he was, I was on the opposite side. FH was with Joe all night and occasionally 'checked' me to see if I was ok. Now I know being in front of Joe's presence makes me feel VERY uncomfortable. So here's the clincher: Its obvious that I dont want to invite him to the wedding, but I know FH will give me all hell. I all ready know this is not something he is going to budge on because it seems he and Joe are now best friends. I really have no clue how to go about this. I really dont want to feel uncomfortable on my own wedding day.

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

Diva that is a tough one..... Since his presence will also upset the bridal party, do you think he would reconsider inviting Joe?

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

I don't think you should invite him. Your FH should be sensitive to your needs. You are his FW and should come first.

Kim

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

I don't want to be harsh or even upset you about this further, but I would be more concerned that your FH is still close to someone who caused you such pain. Especially when hanging out with this Joe lead to lying. I would have a heart to heart with FH about this problem and how you don't feel supported. Joe being invited is only part of this problem

Sorry sounding like the therapist again- occupational hazard.

FM me if you need to vent or talk

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

I agree. It is your wedding too and you should not have anyone there who makes you so uncomfortable. I don't like the idea that your FH has been choosing to spend more time with Joe rather than less since your falling out. He needs to put you first.

Try having a good heart to heart with him. Good luck!

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

This is a really tough one especially since he was your friend first, I think its your choice. But if you are like me and constantly give into your FH, you have to remember that it is your wedding day and I am sure that Joe wont barely be noticed in the 100+ guests you are having. I would try everything to get FH to come around to your point of view but if you cant, dont fight about it, Joe isnt worth it. It will be you and FH's day and one person isnt going to ruin it. It is alot easier to avoid someone in a huge ballroom ya know? Good luck... we are here for you.

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

There are a couple of issues here and I think that your main question is how to you get FH to agree with not inviting him to the wedding?

I am sorry but you have to have a serious talk with him. He has to hear you out. He is going to be your partner for life so he has to do whats best for you. And whats best for you is to not have someone that you feel uncomfortable with at your own wedding.

Have you asked him how he would feel if someone he had bitter feelings toward was invited to the wedding?

Also, like someone else said, your FH should realize that he also has a bad past with 2 other girls. Sounds to me like his presence there would not be good at all.

I am sorry I couldnt help more!....good luck.

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

Does FH know that Joe makes you sick to your stoumach?? I think he might understand if you tell him. I told FH that one of his friends creeps me out so he is not inviting him to the wedding.

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

Well my Dear...(I sound like my mom)...I would invite him. Just my personal opinion and in my personal situation...I would. Now! You being uncomfortable all night is NOT ACCEPTABLE so....you can either (and I don't mean this nasty and you know this) Get over it for the night OR you 'forget' the fact that he is even there.

This is tough but he is going to give you hell and he is going to probably find problems with someone on your side to prove a point and it is not worth it!!!

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

Ugh! Im all ready getting upset thinking about it. I know what I have to do. I just dont like disagreeing with my FH. Like Diane said, I cant say no to FH, but I just cant let this happen. I think its just a bit disheartening that FH wont stand by me on this one. Especially since he knows how hurt I am about it. Thanks guys!!

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

That is really a hard one and I feel for you. I think it is great that you worked the whole club thing out because your FH lying is a whole other situation. As for the Joe thing. When someone is like family to you you must treat them like family. Meaning they are indespensable. You can't get rid of them. Everyone has their faults and they have their quirks but we learn to deal with them. I agree with the girls that you should ignore him but like others have said with all of those people there you won't notice him. I hope everything works out with you. Good Luck

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

I don't know what to say on this one, because I'm torn, so...

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

I know that it's your day and if it will upset you on your day then you probably shouldn't invite him, but try to remeber that it is also your FI's day and if you didn't invite him it would upset your FI, so I think you really need to sit down with him and talk about this and try to come to a solution that you can both deal with, it's better to deal with it sooner rather then later...good luck!

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

Re: Need help: My first wedding dilemma (Very long)

I would talk to your FH. If this guy makes you that uncomfortable...FH should understand. Obviously he can hang out with whom he wants but when it comes to your wedding I think you should agree on a guest list. Have FH tell his friend that you are uncomfortable with him there (he knows already) and it was your choice. That is what I would do. Probably easier said then done though