Need Help - Program Thank You's; What did/are you doing?

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Posted by NY031978

the 2nd 1? so you are adding in the thank you to your fmil????

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why? you don't agree?

i can see why ppl may take offense too it.....but when i read your post i thought oh good....someone else out there isnt thanking an in law! Bc i really dont want too! i dont mean to sound rude but they havent helped w/ $$ nor helped w/ any planning. Only thing ive gotten from them is a list of who MUST be invited! I dont think its fair! Nevermind i wanted MY parents names on my invite....THEY gave us money to help pay for our wedding so i felt it was right to do. Well of course that was a fight and my fi made me put his parents names on it as well! im NOT happy that i did that!!! I do regret it but invites are made so i cant change it now. So I thought in my program atleast i can thank my parents and not his!? But now reading this post i see ppl are totally not agreeing!!

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Posted by NY031978

i can see why ppl may take offense too it.....but when i read your post i thought oh good....someone else out there isnt thanking an in law! Bc i really dont want too! i dont mean to sound rude but they havent helped w/ $$ nor helped w/ any planning. Only thing ive gotten from them is a list of who MUST be invited! I dont think its fair! Nevermind i wanted MY parents names on my invite....THEY gave us money to help pay for our wedding so i felt it was right to do. Well of course that was a fight and my fi made me put his parents names on it as well! im NOT happy that i did that!!! I do regret it but invites are made so i cant change it now. So I thought in my program atleast i can thank my parents and not his!? But now reading this post i see ppl are totally not agreeing!!

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Honestly... that's why I do a lot of things without asking. With all the grief I get when I ask, to me, my attitude has become, 'F#$k 'em'. I'm doing what I feel is right. Try to stop me'. I was going to put his parents' names on the invite, but I decided against it. Thank GOD I didn't hear anything about it. Ya wanna be recognized equally? DO equally. But I can't not recognize MY parents because your mom doesn't do anything! AND I can't ignore that my parents are giving us $30K for our wedding while yours is planning a trip to Italy for herself! How UNGRATEFUL would WE look if we just ignored that? Nope... I'm standing my ground. I will put the RD in since that is what she is paying for. I will put 'the wedding' in since that's what my parents are paying for (of course, I can itemize reception, photographer, videographer, flowers, dress, limos, etc.), but 'the wedding' will just have to do. lol. If she's gonna feel embarrassed, it should be that her son is marrying a great girl, and she didn't contribute more to the wedding. But the point of the thank you is NOT to embarrass her... it's to THANK my parents from my (our) hearts.

well i cant thank them for anything when it comes to the wedding....bc im not kidding they havent done anything!!! its sad to even say that bc i know his bro and sis got married and they gave cash towards that!!
I dont even know if they know its typical for them to pay the RD....but they havent offered...im def not asking and Alex wont! Now when we moved to NC they did help w/ getting us a table and couch but i wasnt even allowed to know that this $ was given from them bc his mom says 'ohhh some things need to remain in the family...if we tell her we gave you this $ she will think she can spend what she wants...bc she has $$ taste!!' (they say that bc im a white girl from Port Jeff ) LOL

not too long ago she had nerve to say that i never said thank you......BUT from what i was told was that im not allowed to know.....so thats why i didnt say a word! Yet again im wrong!!!!

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Posted by NY031978

well i cant thank them for anything when it comes to the wedding....bc im not kidding they havent done anything!!! its sad to even say that bc i know his bro and sis got married and they gave cash towards that!!
I dont even know if they know its typical for them to pay the RD....but they havent offered...im def not asking and Alex wont! Now when we moved to NC they did help w/ getting us a table and couch but i wasnt even allowed to know that this $ was given from them bc his mom says 'ohhh some things need to remain in the family...if we tell her we gave you this $ she will think she can spend what she wants...bc she has $$ taste!!' (they say that bc im a white girl from Port Jeff ) LOL

not too long ago she had nerve to say that i never said thank you......BUT from what i was told was that im not allowed to know.....so thats why i didnt say a word! Yet again im wrong!!!!

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So, write:

To Mom and Dad (your last name)... thank you for our dream wedding.

To Mom and Dad (his last name)... thank you for the table and couch that magically appeared in our living room.

I don't mean to make light, but do they realize how ridiculous they are, and then how we have to tip toe around their pettiness? If someone gives you a $30,000 car as a birthday present - and someone else gives you a pair of socks - are you NOT supposed to thank the person for the CAR so as not to offend the person who gave you the SOCKS??? Noooooo... You THANK the person for the car!!! And you SCREAM to the world that SO-AND-SO gave you a CAR. Heck - you write it on your LICENSE PLATE!!!

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Posted by ziamaria

I agree with both of you! Add your parents and just to cya add his mom for the rd. we aren't getting anything from his side of the family either aside from a guest list. I put my parents names on the invitation and told him that's how its gonna be b/c its their money that we are using. i am having a hard time convincing him that his dad shouldnt get a free tux that one of my brothers should b/c they are and have done more for us in our relationship than his father has in his life (outside of being a good person to talk to). it irks me that inlaws dont offer to help w/anything but yet want to show off to their family how wonderful the wedding will be...ugh...sorry to digress on your topic, but i say go with your heart!

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thank you!

I actually gave the free tuxes to my dad and my brother's son (our ringbearer) so that my brother wouldn't have to pay for TWO tuxes. I'd be DAMNED if my FH's mom's boyfriend (who I LIKE) got a FREE tux out of this! lol. (funny you mention this!). I guess a lot of us go through the same crapola!

we gave the free tux to our best man.....thought it was fair bc he also has to pay for our RB (his son)....so let the guy save something!
i wanted my dad to get it...but again i had to hear what about my dad?!
so i dropped it and said lets do the BM!

anything to avoid a fight!!

we're having 12 in tuxes so we get 4 free - groom, ring bearer (my soon to be stepson), my dad and the fourth is the one i want to give to one of my brothers....i REALLY REALLY REALLY dont want his dad to get the free one just cause he's his dad (he's also the bm) but i dont think he deserves it...obviously my dear thinks the world of him...but i see through the bull sh*t...hmmm still gonna need some help convincing him..if i can that he should have to pay, at least he'll be paying for something going towards our wedding...

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Posted by NY031978

we gave the free tux to our best man.....thought it was fair bc he also has to pay for our RB (his son)....so let the guy save something!
i wanted my dad to get it...but again i had to hear what about my dad?!
so i dropped it and said lets do the BM!

anything to avoid a fight!!

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only one free tux? We had 10 rentals, so we made them throw them in 2 free tuxes, plus the free groom's. I wouldn't go to a tux place unless they gave us 3 for free. lol. Man... I'm really glad I'm not alone in this struggle! (sorry you're going through it, too, though!).

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Posted by NY031978

we gave the free tux to our best man.....thought it was fair bc he also has to pay for our RB (his son)....so let the guy save something!
i wanted my dad to get it...but again i had to hear what about my dad?!
so i dropped it and said lets do the BM!

anything to avoid a fight!!

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man, we just took the free tux for DH...rather simple. no one had to know it was free or that there was a free one. worked out quite nicely.

Sarah - of the two choices for thank-yous, if you heart is set on the add'l thanks to your parents, I would go with the first one that doesn't mention the RD. My logic for this, is that if you are afraid of the possibility of drama, mentioning the RD then immediately after it mentioning the wedding is too much 'in your face' to FMIL about what your parents paid for - AND it's there in the programs for the whole world to read.

Personally, though I would reconsider putting it in the programs at all. I know from your other posts (and comments in this one) that FMIL has contributed next to nothing. However, there is (don't flame me) still a gift to be given by her. Perhaps, instead of offering to help up front, she was planning on giving you a large check that you could use as spending $$ on the HM. You have NO way of knowing what, if anything, she is up to. But, if she is planning on something, a slap in the face in the program could send it down the toilet.

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Posted by October Bliss

Sarah - of the two choices for thank-yous, if you heart is set on the add'l thanks to your parents, I would go with the first one that doesn't mention the RD. My logic for this, is that if you are afraid of the possibility of drama, mentioning the RD then immediately after it mentioning the wedding is too much 'in your face' to FMIL about what your parents paid for - AND it's there in the programs for the whole world to read.

Personally, though I would reconsider putting it in the programs at all. I know from your other posts (and comments in this one) that FMIL has contributed next to nothing. However, there is (don't flame me) still a gift to be given by her. Perhaps, instead of offering to help up front, she was planning on giving you a large check that you could use as spending $$ on the HM. You have NO way of knowing what, if anything, she is up to. But, if she is planning on something, a slap in the face in the program could send it down the toilet.

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thank you... I think I decided to go back to my original, and IF my FH says anything about it, I'll offer to add the thank you about the RD. I'd like to think that maybe there would be a check gift to us, but seeing as she has heard us say again and again how much we're struggling with different thigns,costs, surprises, etc. - including this latest 'guest' argument... I think SOMEONE would have mentioned a nice gift if it was coming. They're not that type. I'm not expecting it. If my FH does have an 'issue' adding a thank you for the wedding to our reception packet, then I'll be PISSED at him for being ungrateful to them. HE shouldn't get pissed at ME for being GRATEFUL!

Thank you for your advice! It's a tough one!

hey...I dont have much of an opinion about this, probably because I am bias and sort of agree with you, but dont know if it is the best this to do...anyway...how did things go with the FMIL and your FH this weekend...dont mean to be nosy...just wondering